3209: What I Wish My Extroverted Parents Knew About Raising an Introvert by Tyler Jacobson of Introvert Dear

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[00:00:42] What I wish my extroverted parents knew about raising an introvert by Tyler Jacobson of IntrovertDeer.com. And I'm Justin Malik.

[00:00:52] Welcome back to a Sunday bonus episode where I give you a little extra content from a podcast in our network that I think will also help you live a life that's a bit more meaningful and happier. And this episode is coming from Optimal Relationships Daily today.

[00:01:06] So without further ado, here's Greg with the bonus posts as we optimize your life. What I wish my extroverted parents knew about raising an introvert by Tyler Jacobson of IntrovertDeer.com. When I was a teenager, I kept to myself.

[00:01:26] My childhood years were somewhat similar and during that time my parents would patiently and somewhat adoringly refer to me as a shy boy. It was sweet, endearing and something they assumed I would grow out of. Only I didn't.

[00:01:42] My shy qualities remained as I entered my post-puberty years and suddenly those positive terms were no longer in my parents' vocabulary. They were replaced by new phrases. You should get out more. Or you should try out for a sport.

[00:01:58] Or the most hurtful, why don't you ever have any friends over? The tone of these questions was clear. They were asking what was wrong with me. As an introvert, I felt like a social failure.

[00:02:11] I never considered that I was an introvert and that my behavior wasn't something to be ashamed of. Instead, I internalized the way I obviously disappointed my family and classmates. Wondering what had failed inside me. I didn't like parties, crowds or loud music.

[00:02:26] I didn't enjoy meeting new people, especially people my age. In school, I got along with people well enough and had several friends. But when the bell rang, I couldn't wait to be alone in my own space, away from the exhausting strain of being surrounded by people.

[00:02:41] Both my parents were social butterflies. Their existence was a constant stream of get-togethers, dinner invitations and guests at all hours. Friends from their college days or people they met while traveling planted themselves in our home for weeks at a time.

[00:02:55] I was expected to take part, to entertain when those guests or friends had kids my age. I could barely grin my way through it, always escaping at the first available opportunity. Of course, you know where this is going. Nothing was wrong with me. Nothing had failed within me.

[00:03:13] I was simply an introvert, meaning I'm one of those people who needs time alone to process their day. Who can't handle the constant onslaught of sociability that is expected in society today. What I wish I could have told my extroverted parents.

[00:03:28] I wish I could go back in time and talk to my parents about all this. My mother and father are wonderful people, loving and encouraging. They gave me an incredible life and I will forever be grateful to them.

[00:03:40] But there was a strain in my teen years related to my need for silence and alone time. They saw it not as a natural inclination by people with my temperament, and instead a testament to my unhappiness.

[00:03:53] That wasn't only due to my shyness as they had put it in my younger years. It was also because I had a tendency toward, sometimes gloomy, introspection. I, like so many other introverts, have always thought a little too much,

[00:04:05] leaving me stuck in my thoughts more than interacting with others. My parents on the other hand are both open books. They don't have time to closely examine the minutia of life because they're too busy living it.

[00:04:17] In their opinions, the world is there to be experienced, not read about or observed. That their son would rather hang out in the background seemed to be a bit of a joke. Today, I can look back with greater understanding and experience.

[00:04:31] I can honestly say that I missed out on nothing, and certainly I was not unhappy. My place in the world is less about craving the adventures of the unknown and more about quietly examining and making sense of it all.

[00:04:44] My interactions with others aren't based around quantity, but rather quietly about the world. I have a tendency to be a bit of a pessimist. I don't like to be a pessimist, but I do like to be a pessimist.

[00:04:55] I don't like to be a pessimist, but I do like to be a pessimist. Because my tolerance for interaction is lower, I make the time I can take count for more. That is where I find my fulfillment,

[00:05:06] which is what I was unable to articulate to my extroverted parents when I was a child. I carefully picked and chose who I spent my time with. I cherished the moments I was in their presence. I watched the world around me, finding a quiet place within the bustle.

[00:05:21] Then later, I retreated into my own world to take it all in, remember it, and recover from the experience. When I finally started to recognize my introversion, I was able to find ways to cope with feeling overwhelmed.

[00:05:35] I also found more self-acceptance and peace knowing there wasn't something wrong with me. If you're the parent of an introverted child, introversion is nothing to be afraid of. We are methodical people who contemplate and consider our experiences carefully.

[00:05:49] Allowing myself to unwind and settle back into my own skin made it possible for me to do it all over again the next day. Remember to allow your introverted child the same courtesy, and you'll see significant strides in their abilities to socialize and self-love. Introverted Dad, Extroverted Son

[00:06:09] Today I have my own little family. At least one of my children is showing signs of extroversion, like his grandparents. I'm happy that I was able to experience the joy of being a parent. I've never experienced it from the other side.

[00:06:21] So now I will hopefully be able to give my son the greatest understanding possible as he sets out on his own. But, I'll admit, even I don't always understand him. You just listened to the post titled What I Wish My Extroverted Parents Knew About Raising an Introvert

[00:06:41] by Tyler Jacobson of IntrovertDeer.com And thanks a lot to Tyler for this one, for opening up about his story and providing some words of wisdom for parents. Certainly a good remark about allowing your introverted children the courtesy of letting them be who they are.

[00:06:58] But it's understandable for parents to not always know who their children are, certainly as they age and develop their own identities with parts they'd rather not share. So, parents, forgive yourselves for the uncertainty. We want to protect our children, we want to know what's going on with them,

[00:07:15] and like we do with anybody, it's hard to not place our own versions of a good life on other people. Take the opportunity to ask your children about what they need and want, non-invasively. It's in your rights to do that

[00:07:30] and give yourself a chance to get to know them. Introverted children may not want to disclose too much and respecting that boundary would be wise. But to show the effort and let them know they're accepted and that any time it might seem otherwise to them

[00:07:43] it's simply because you're concerned for their well-being that can be a great gift. That's all I've got though, everyone. Thanks so much for showing up today and listening through the end, it means a lot. I hope you do the same tomorrow

[00:07:54] because we've got another parenting post on tap this time from Shauna Scaife at SimpleOnPurpose.ca Looking forward to seeing you for that one where we will hear her thoughts on when intentional parenting can be a little less than desirable and where your optimal life awaits. Thanks for watching.

[00:08:10] SimpleOnPurpose.com