3232: How We’re Harmed by Our Dissatisfaction with Ourselves by Leo Babauta of Zen Habits on Finding Happiness

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Living Daily, Episode 3232. How Were Harmed by Our Dissatisfaction with Ourselves by Leo Babauta of Zen Habits dot net. And I'm Justin Malik, your very own personal narrator.

[00:00:36] I read to you every single day of the year so that you don't have to go find blogs and articles yourself. I find the best authors online in my opinion and simply read them to you for free.

[00:00:48] So with that, let's get right to it and continue optimizing your life. How Were Harmed by Our Dissatisfaction with Ourselves by Leo Babauta of Zen Habits dot net. Over the last five years or so, as I've worked with thousands of people on changing their

[00:01:09] habits, I've come to a realization. Dissatisfaction with ourselves is a pretty universal phenomenon. We are unhappy with who we are, sometimes in small ways but often in very fundamental ways. We doubt ourselves, feel inadequate, dislike our looks, criticize our failing harshly,

[00:01:31] feel uncertain about whether we're worthy of praise or love. The result is anxiety, procrastination, fear, and the inability to change our habits. I've seen so many people who are unable to stick to an exercise program or healthy diet changes because they don't believe in themselves.

[00:01:52] At the heart of their failure to make positive changes is a deep feeling of unworthiness and inadequacy. Every time we fail, we are harsh with ourselves and we see it as just more evidence that we suck.

[00:02:07] Every time things are less than ideal, we blame ourselves or if we don't want to be blamed, we blame other people. What if instead of beating ourselves up or blaming others, we just accepted what happened and then took appropriate action?

[00:02:23] What if we took this as an opportunity to see our humanness, to love ourselves, and to see ourselves as innately good? This dissatisfaction with ourselves doesn't just hurt our health habits, it hurts our productivity and ability to focus on meaningful work.

[00:02:41] We doubt whether we're up to facing this task filled with discomfort and uncertainty, so we look for relief from all of it instead of just trusting that we're up to the task. We procrastinate, seek distraction, and try to run from the uncertainty.

[00:02:58] Our relationships are also harmed by this dissatisfaction with ourselves. When we don't believe in ourselves, we're insecure in our relationships. That can result in jealousy, anger, fear of losing someone, and treating the other person with distrust. That's not a good recipe for a good relationship.

[00:03:18] And if the relationship becomes shaky, we often either blame the other person or see it as more evidence that we suck. Our happiness is marred by this dissatisfaction with ourselves. If we don't like ourselves, don't trust ourselves, and don't see ourselves as worthy of love,

[00:03:37] then how can we truly be happy in each moment? Underlying each moment is a dissatisfaction, a lack of contentedness, a wish that things would be different. These are just a handful of ways that dissatisfaction with ourselves is harming us.

[00:03:54] This problem actually affects every area of our lives from jobs to finances to parenting and more. The way out. Loving ourselves. Instead of harming ourselves with this self-doubt, this constant feeling of inadequacy, what if we loved ourselves instead?

[00:04:13] What if we trusted ourselves, believed in our basic worthiness, believed that we would be okay even if things didn't work out as planned, believed that we are loving, kind, and innately good human beings? That would change everything. We'd be more trusting in relationships.

[00:04:32] We'd procrastinate less because we knew we could handle uncertainty and discomfort. We'd become healthier because we would see healthy food and exercise as just two more ways to love ourselves. We'd seek ways to love others, to serve the world with meaningful work, to enjoy the basic

[00:04:50] goodness of every moment. We'd be happier, and in the times when we're not happy, we'd still be able to find contentment in the middle of difficulty. Of course, that's much easier said than done. We've so many years of experience in disliking ourselves and being harsh with ourselves that

[00:05:09] loving ourselves can seem impossible. It's not. You can do this. It starts with the simple intention to love yourself, to see yourself as adequate and worthy of love, and to wish for your own happiness and relief from pain and stress.

[00:05:27] Once you have this intention, you can practice a daily session of wishing for your own happiness, or wishing for an end to your pain, a daily session of gratitude for the good things about yourself.

[00:05:39] You can start to see the basic goodness in everything you do, even if it's less than perfect as all humans are. You can see the good hearted nature in every one of your actions, even the ones that are harmful.

[00:05:51] You can start to see the good hearted nature in what everyone else does as well. This is the practice, and it takes lots of practice, but loving yourself might just be the most important project you've ever undertaken because it will change your world.

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[00:07:27] Thank you to Leo. A bit of a shorter article for this weekend. Hopefully you enjoyed it. It's a good point. Maybe if instead of quickly trying to establish a new habit or routine to fix our problems,

[00:07:41] we instead try to establish a routine of gratitude, acceptance, and or happiness, maybe we'd be a bit more successful in the other routines or habits. But like he said, this takes a lot of practice.

[00:07:54] It can be years and decades of being dissatisfied with ourselves, or being critical of ourselves, which could have been learned really at a very early age. So not something that can be fixed overnight, but I'm sure worth the time regardless of how long it takes.

[00:08:11] But the whole love yourself thing can sound a bit woo-woo, as they like to say, or like a broad, somewhat abstract strategy. But I think it can start small, like acknowledging that maybe today the best we did was get out of bed without staring at our phone.

[00:08:28] Or celebrating the little victories, like choosing water over soda, even if it's just for one meal. Baby steps as usual. So take those baby steps today, and with that, have a great weekend, and I'll see you tomorrow, where your optimal life awaits.