3234: RAIN Method - A Perspective on Reducing Harm in the World by Kylee Lessard of A Blue Sky Mind

[00:00:00] Before we start, please check out our new podcast, Good Sleep. Have you ever noticed how a calm mind can really set the stage for a good night's sleep? That's the idea behind our new podcast, Good Sleep.

[00:00:11] Greg, our host from Optimal Relationships Daily, is here to help ease you into a peaceful night's rest with some positive affirmations. And these affirmations aren't just comforting, they can help ease anxiety and nurture positive thoughts, setting you up for true good sleep.

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[00:00:41] RAIN Method – A Perspective on Reducing Harm in the World by Kylee Lessard of Ablueskymind.com and I'm Justin Malik. I'm going to get right into today's post as we optimize your life. RAIN Method – A Perspective on Reducing Harm in the World by Kylee Lessard of Ablueskymind.com

[00:01:06] A recent line from one of my inner MBA lessons stopped me in my tracks. It articulated something that has formed the basis of my personal meaning-making machinery for many years now. Quote, When we can stay present with our own fear and insecurity,

[00:01:23] we are better able to be there for others. You can start to be part of the healing of our world by starting with yourself. End quote. This stuck out to me because I've always thought about my personal interest and investment in positive psychology as not just self-help,

[00:01:41] but the foundation for my ability to better be there for and serve others. Many have spoken to over the years discount self-help and self-compassion as selfish or overly self-absorbed. I contend that it is the fundamental basis for being there for others

[00:01:59] and not being the source of more harm or chaos in the world. A common pattern for interpersonal harm. This topic hits harder based on recent conversations I've had with friends about their relationships with their fathers in particular. There's a connection here, so stay with me.

[00:02:17] The recurrent pattern with a number of my friends' fathers seems to be, number one, an inability to communicate or articulate a negative emotion that they are feeling, particularly sadness, fear, or guilt. Number two, the energy from that emotion, which must be released,

[00:02:34] is released via a more destructive emotion, usually anger, meanness, or withdrawal. And number three, their relationship with their child is damaged to some degree. My theory for why this happens between fathers and children, cis-hetero fathers in these examples to clarify, is rooted in my understanding of gender theory.

[00:02:57] Men historically have enjoyed many privileges, economic, physical, and more, but most have never known the privilege of a society that encourages their full emotional capacity. Women are generally expected and encouraged to feel their feelings, to talk about them with friends and family, to cry.

[00:03:17] This is considered normal and within the range of acceptable, quote-unquote feminine characteristics. This is not the case for men. Men are generally expected to display a degree of power and control over their emotions,

[00:03:30] with the least masculine traits being those that betray a weakness or vulnerability like sadness, fear, or guilt. If young men grew up with explicit or even subtle messages that feeling and expressing these emotions would make him less of a man and therefore occupy a lower mate value,

[00:03:50] any savvy social animal would take steps to ensure that such weakness would be both concealed and ideally snuffed out entirely. But savvy social reasoning does not always align with realistic biological facts. Normal human emotions, especially those as rooted in biology as fear or guilt,

[00:04:10] cannot be snuffed out entirely. They exist for a reason, and the energy behind them will always need to be directed somewhere. Any person who believes they are managing their vulnerable emotions through denial or silence is almost certainly unknowingly redirecting them in a harmful way,

[00:04:30] using RAIN to reduce personal chaos and social harm. So what can we do about it? One idea shared in the inner MBA as well as Dharma circles globally is the concept of RAIN, invented by Master Mindfulness Guru Tara Brach.

[00:04:49] Tara describes this practice as a template for the sacred pause which can help, quote, create a clearing in the dense forest of your life, end quote. It can help us see more clearly what it is we are experiencing and why. RAIN consists of four parts. R, recognize.

[00:05:09] This is the process of naming an emotion or experience which many studies have proven to lessen the intensity of whatever you're feeling. A, allow. Accept the emotion head on rather than burying it with busyness. You can whisper, this belongs to your emotion and yourself.

[00:05:28] Do this without trying to solve or fix anything. You're simply making space for the emotion to exist. I, investigate. Gently question yourself with curiosity and kindness about the emotion you're feeling. Where do you feel it most in your body?

[00:05:45] Tara recommends asking, what does this vulnerable place want from me? What does it most need? And N, nurture. This is the moment of self-compassion. Tara says, quote, experiment and see which intentional gesture of kindness most helps to comfort, soften, or open your heart.

[00:06:06] It might be the mental whisper, I'm here with you. I'm sorry and I love you. I love you and I'm listening. It's not your fault. Trust in your goodness, end quote. When I practice RAIN, it's almost always in response to work.

[00:06:21] It's easy for me to find myself in a state of anxiety due to happenings at work, to feel like I'm not doing enough, not making enough impact, not impressive enough. So I name the feeling with an inner whisper, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety.

[00:06:37] I remind myself, this belongs, let it be. I feel it somatically in my nauseous stomach, my quickened heart, and my narrow vision. I put my hand over the source of the pain in my body, one hand on my heart and another on my stomach.

[00:06:53] With tenderness and pressure, I ask how I can be with this feeling, what it needs from me to feel better. I want this for fathers everywhere. I want this for everyone everywhere. Because when I take that sacred pause to recognize the fear and anxiety

[00:07:10] that conflict and insecurity can bring, I give myself so much more grace and create so much more space for an appropriate and growth-minded response than I do when I simply continue to operate mindlessly within my anxiety.

[00:07:23] Not only do I feel more like a leader, even if just of my own self, but I feel more whole and grounded. Let's spread the word. Interest and investment in self has the capacity to change the world for the better. That idea motivates me every day.

[00:07:41] Every positive action has a ripple effect, just like every negative action. Let's work on ourselves with the goal of sending as many positive ripples into the world. Enough ripples will create a wave, and we need many waves right now. You've just listened to the post titled

[00:08:04] Rain Method, A Perspective on Reducing Harm in the World by Kylie Lessard of Ablueskymind.com And I'll be right back with my commentary. It goes without saying that a lot of people don't know where to start when it comes to investing.

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[00:09:18] And thank you to Kylie. She brought something up that I've been seeing more recently too, and I don't know if it's always been an ongoing sentiment or more of a recent sort of attempt to reject personal development, but I've heard it too,

[00:09:32] that personal development is this sort of self-obsessed thing. But you'll generally hear that from two groups. One, the people who think they know what self-development is, but have actually never taken the time to read or listen to it with an open mind.

[00:09:48] Or two, people just trying to create a catchy article title and then get more readers for themselves. Which is a bit ironic because an article about personal development being self-obsessed is still sort of an article about personal development.

[00:10:03] But anyway, it doesn't bother me because the purpose of this podcast is really for you to get a massive variety of authors from wide backgrounds and experience so that you can take your favorite themes or lessons, tips, tricks, and more

[00:10:19] and work to make your life a little bit better day by day. And I can only share my experience, which is I'd much rather spend the time taking in this type of positive stuff than a lot of other stuff out there.

[00:10:31] That isn't to say that I only allow myself to consume positivity all the time, but it acts to balance the scale for me, otherwise I think I wouldn't get enough of it really. And it can benefit many different areas of your life, really, you never know.

[00:10:47] The example today of the RAIN method from the popular meditative thinker and teacher Tara Brach could be something you use in times of stress and anxiety. It might be what you've been looking for to step out of a negative feedback loop. You'll only know if you try.

[00:11:04] But as Kylie said, being able to do that puts us one step closer to be able to help someone else to stop our own suffering and then help others do the same. But it does begin from the inside.

[00:11:18] So see what works for you, thank you for being here and listening to me and for subscribing to this show. That really is the only way I've been able to continue doing this, by you subscribing and coming back to listen

[00:11:30] or maybe having the goal of listening to an episode every day. So thank you, it means a lot. Have a great rest of your day and I'll be back tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.