3248: Quit Listening to Your Feelings ASAP (Says the Shrink) by Dr. Kelly Flanagan on Personal Growth

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[00:00:21] Just go to urlaubsguru.de slash podcast summer and book a vacation as you love it. For you, for you, for the whole family. This is Optimal Living Daily Episode 3248 Quit Listening to Your Feelings ASAP Says the Shrink by Dr. Kelly Flanagan of drkellyflanagan.com

[00:00:42] and I'm your narrator Justin Malik. Welcome back or welcome for the first time if you're new here. This is where I read to you every single day of the year from the best blogs on the web and we have other shows where we do this covering different topics.

[00:00:57] You can search for Optimal Living Daily in your podcast app to find our other shows. But for now, let's get right to our next article as we optimize your life. Quit Listening to Your Feelings ASAP Says the Shrink by Dr. Kelly Flanagan of drkellyflanagan.com

[00:01:19] The plane is taxing for takeoff and my 10-year-old daughter, Caitlin, is terrified. She's sitting next to me, folded into me, clinging to my arm, holding my hand, palm sweaty. This is her first flight since we flew to the Today Show together six years ago.

[00:01:37] And it's possible we watched every episode of Lost with her in those intervening years which might explain some of her fear and probably does explain her suggestion that we pack sand toys even though we're flying from Chicago to Colorado

[00:01:51] in the wintertime because she wants something to play with on the beach if we crash on the island. The pilot announces we're the next in line for takeoff. Caitlin's sweaty grip on me loosens. She leans away from me and gazes out the window at the tarmac.

[00:02:08] She's quiet, contemplative. Then she looks back at me and with a steady resolve in her voice says, I'm gonna try to do it without holding her hand. I tell her she's the bravest young lady I know. And she is. Especially according to a definition of courage

[00:02:25] by which I've been trying to live. Courage is listening to your wisdom rather than your feelings. I'm not saying feelings are bad or that we shouldn't pay attention to them. In fact, as a psychologist, I think we need to become aware of all of our feelings.

[00:02:42] We need to observe them. We need to be curious about them. We need to become more familiar with them. Then we need to run them through the sieve of our inner wisdom. Our wisdom, or heart, or soul, or true self, or center,

[00:03:00] or divine ground depending upon your culture or tradition is meant to be the control center within us. It's the quiet space within us which can calmly sort through all the chaotic data of life, including our feelings, and suggest the most optimal path forward.

[00:03:19] When we run our feelings through this control center, we'll discover that some of our feelings actually arise from the wisdom itself, but others do not. For instance, joy arises from wisdom, but happiness does not. Love arises from wisdom, but infatuation does not. Guilt arises from wisdom,

[00:03:42] but shame does not. Sorrow arises from wisdom, but despair does not. Anger arises from wisdom, but rage does not. Confidence arises from wisdom, but arrogance does not. Problem-solving arises from wisdom, but worry does not. Happiness, infatuation, shame, depression, rage, arrogance, worry. These are not bad feelings.

[00:04:13] They are human feelings. They're real and important and valid, but they don't get to call the shots. The control center does. Of course, this control center can often be harder to hear than our feelings. However, I can assure you it is always broadcasting its best and highest instincts.

[00:04:35] Sometimes the reception is crystal clear. Sometimes we hear a little too much static. Sometimes the radio waves seem to be empty altogether. That's okay. When the reception is poor, it's not a time to mindlessly follow your feelings. It's time to turn the dial.

[00:04:53] Sitting in an idle plane at O'Hare, Caitlyn turns the dial, finds her inner wisdom, and it tells her this is one of those hinge moments in her life. She can cling to her father or she can cling instead to her own strength and resilience. The engine's rev,

[00:05:12] we're pushed back in our seats and Caitlyn flies again with her hands in her lap and determination on her face. Several hours later, we land in Colorado and though I can't prove it, I could swear Caitlyn is walking off the plane about an inch taller.

[00:05:29] Now though, I'm the one who was anxious. In a few hours, I'll be on a stage delivering an address to a room full of exceedingly successful men. My feelings are crowded. There's my lifelong fear about being unliked. Also, there's a strong desire to hide the fact

[00:05:46] that this kind of thing still makes me anxious. And there's a desperate urge to practice my talk until I'm certain I won't make any mistakes. Instead, I think about Caitlyn on the runway in Chicago and I turn the dial

[00:06:01] and there's my inner wisdom, this voice of grace within me. It's not assuring me I'll do perfectly nor is it telling me everyone will love what I have to say. It's reminding me of what I discovered many years ago that I'm lovable even if no one loves me.

[00:06:20] It's reminding me that fear makes my life small but walking my path in spite of my fear makes my life meaningful. Then the control center within me says something totally unexpected. It tells me, I'm going to have fun up on that stage

[00:06:38] and I know that's truer than everything my fear has been saying. You don't have to feel confident to have inner wisdom. You just have to have faith in its presence. You don't have to heal to have inner wisdom. Indeed, learning to listen to your inner wisdom

[00:06:53] is a big part of everyone's healing process. You don't have to have it all figured out to hear your inner wisdom. You just need to keep turning that dial until the broadcast becomes clearer. You just listen to the post titled

[00:07:12] Quit Listening to Your Feelings, ASAP, says The Shrink by Dr. Kelly Flanagan of Dr.KellyFlanagan.com and I'll be right back with my commentary. Thank you to Dr. Kelly. I think this is another great way to say something that we talked about earlier this week,

[00:07:30] something I got to learn about recently is the power of visualizations but also utilizing or looking towards the best version of ourselves. You can also call it your higher self or your spiritual self, kind of like Dr. Kelly was talking about.

[00:07:45] It doesn't really matter what we call it but basically that control center. It's always there and ready to be heard if we take the time to listen and if we don't react in our typical fast habitual ways which could be very unhelpful in a given situation.

[00:08:02] Just taking that small pause between event or stimulus and listening to what the best version of ourselves would do in a situation can be transformative. And then knowing what our best self would do in a situation and actually visualizing it happening

[00:08:20] can sort of build that pathway in our brains, making it actually happen. Having us act in the way the best version of ourselves would or at least not as bad compared to if we hadn't done the visualization at all. I think I said this last time

[00:08:36] but if you'd like audio guides with these kinds of visualizations let me know, I could possibly turn them into a podcast. You can reply to my weekly newsletter or read all of those replies and you can get on that weekly newsletter by visiting oldpodcast.com.

[00:08:52] That's what you do it for today. Have a great weekend and I'll see you tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.