3257: Are You Lonely by Krista O'Reilly-Davi-Digui of A Life in Progress on Mental Health & Wellbeing

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Living Daily Episode 3257 Are You Lonely by Krista OReilly-Davi-Digui of AlifeInProgress.ca and I'm Justin Malik

[00:00:11] Welcome back to a Sunday bonus episode where I give you little extra content from a different podcast in our network that I think will also help you live a life that's a bit more meaningful and happier And today's episode is coming from Optimal Relationships Daily

[00:00:26] But without further ado, here's Greg with the bonus post as we optimize your life Are You Lonely by Krista OReilly-Davi-Digui of AlifeInProgress.ca As an introvert, I seek out solitude and rarely spend time with people beyond my family

[00:00:47] My brain only has so much bandwidth and I'm generally busy filling it to the brim, drippy with other people's words from podcasts and books I find myself laughing along with the banter, happily immersed in the dialogue, nodding my head in agreement, pausing now again to consider

[00:01:04] Until it's over and then I find myself alone And sometimes, most often during the wistful transition of spring or fall, keenly aware of a tender loneliness resting heavy in my gut It's a familiar melancholy that I have tangled with throughout my life

[00:01:21] I am now aware that loneliness for me is less about needing people and more about grief A call to do some inner work and as part of seasonal living for me, and I don't need to be afraid of it

[00:01:32] In junior high, I envied tightly knit groups of girls Well, I was always pretty sure that my friends could ditch me in a heartbeat Today I see Facebook pictures of women I know celebrating, laughing with their women's groups and book clubs

[00:01:46] Or my little sister, so social, with her sorority or new nursing friends It seems so easy for others I know women who regularly troop off together on girls' trips or go to crafting parties

[00:01:58] None of these activities call to me, though I genuinely love that these women are connected and supporting each other When I have revealed this truth to others in the past, admitted to this occasional but profound loneliness

[00:02:11] The typical response has been to urge me to make a greater effort Sign up, join in But they haven't figured out that being busy or sitting in a crowd is not the antidote to lonely Although it might offer a temporary distraction

[00:02:25] Alone in my kitchen or side stepping hundreds of strangers in a farmer's market I can feel alone In fact, I tend to feel lonelier in a crowd of thousands than sitting by myself in my living room Perhaps some of you can relate To times such as these

[00:02:41] No matter how many years I have lived There remains this seed of doubt in me That everyone else has figured out this whole thing called life The secret sauce of adulthood How to be a mature, consistently disciplined, fully contented grown-up Perpetually self-assured I wonder if I'm a fraud

[00:03:00] A sort of adult Who has bumbled my way this far But I'm not quite sure how and like maybe it will all collapse around me And the whole world will see the truth That some days I feel broken and insecure Lonely

[00:03:13] I wonder how many of the people I watch going about their ordinary lives also feel lonely At least some of the time I remind myself to reach out and initiate meaningful one-on-one connection To request a coffee date To get in the car with my basket of snacks

[00:03:28] And drive to see my sisters who know and accept me I actually thoroughly enjoy teaching classes or leading workshops And connecting with the women who join me there Learning bits of their stories Encouraging them I chat with strangers on the bus in a foreign country

[00:03:42] Eager to connect to bridge the gap But then I get off the bus And I'm alone once again You know how it feels when you are totally immersed in an amazing novel In love with the characters and their stories And then it ends

[00:03:56] It wasn't your story after all You were simply an observer But I don't just want to digest other people's stories anymore I want to simmer and serve up my own I want to speak and teach and build community in my own way Big or small

[00:04:11] Small is just fine And I want to invite you to do the same The only thing is I don't know how to be who I am not And some days I wonder if there truly is a place for me here

[00:04:23] In this big wide world of experts and specialists And perfectly poised coaches I reveal too much and bear my heart too easily Leaving myself vulnerable I do not claim to be an expert Only a fellow sojourner Teaching that which I have walked through myself

[00:04:40] When the loneliness comes, I sit here with it Muddy in the thick and murky melancholy And I mostly do not numb or distracted away And when the loneliness comes, I sit here with it Muddy in the thick and murky melancholy

[00:04:53] And I mostly do not numb or distracted away And remembering that struggling against it Fitfully sucks me down deep like quicksand And I almost drown that way in the past But not today I remember that it is part of my real story

[00:05:09] But it isn't the fullness of who I am And it will pass, it is temporary But perhaps this part of my story The real, unvarnished, jagged bits Are those that help carve out my space in the world after all They are my gift, my offering

[00:05:25] A song of hope and redemption I offer to those of you Who know precisely what I'm talking about And need to be reminded that you will be okay You are okay That joy comes in the morning Perhaps you wonder how it is that I advocate joyful living

[00:05:40] But admit this truth about myself And if you asked, I would remind you That just like courage is not the absence of fear Joyful living is not the absence of pain or struggle It's a choice, a decision To step out, despite the struggle A willingness to stop running

[00:05:56] And sit quietly in the midst of it And breathe and feel the discomfort But also notice the beauty I remember that I am loved completely Just as I am, as you are I remember it is because of the struggle Perhaps that I can know joy so intimately

[00:06:12] For I have tasted despair I have hungered for peace and acceptance And I have quietly shed tears of joy In the midst of it all You can relate, you may be lonely But you're not alone You just listened to the post titled Are You Lonely?

[00:06:33] By Christa O'Reilly Davideghi Of a life in progress dot ca In such a warm and vulnerable post from Christa today Which we thank her for Felt a little bit like a monologue at the end Or beautifully written

[00:06:47] It's been a little bit since we've heard from her here on ORD It was so nice to feature her work today Posts like this are so critical Both for the readers and the creators It's very refreshing to air out the feelings That so many of us experience

[00:06:59] Yet are somehow taboo to reference Certainly on a large platform I really do hope that everyone listening today Who shares Christa's feelings of loneliness Can come to see that they are indeed just that They are feelings of loneliness Temporary and fleeting Like any other feelings are

[00:07:15] And thus different from a state of being And sometimes For those feelings to subside It's nice to remember posts like this In which we are reminded That we're not so lonely At least in the sense that we are bonded

[00:07:29] With so many other people that feel the same way And yearn for the same connection There's a lot of strength in that Even if the feeling is categorized by isolation The more we can express it The more we are reminded That we really aren't alone

[00:07:43] And my apologies if I waxed A little too philosophical there But you get the point I'm trying to make I think And it is time to get out of here everyone If you're listening in real time Thanks for being here this weekend and enjoy what's left of it

[00:07:55] I'll be back with you tomorrow With another post to help you start the week off right Be sure to come back then Where your optimal life awaits