3301: How To Get Over Your Mistakes by Sarah Von Bargen of Yes and Yes on Personal Responsibility

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[00:01:40] [SPEAKER_00]: This is Optimal Living Daily, how to get over your mistakes in five

[00:01:45] [SPEAKER_00]: not particularly easy steps by Sarah von Bargen of yesandyes.org.

[00:01:50] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm Justin Molyk, the guy who reads articles, book excerpts sometimes

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[00:02:05] [SPEAKER_00]: Now let's get right to our post today and start optimizing your life.

[00:02:13] [SPEAKER_00]: How to get over your mistakes in five not particularly easy

[00:02:18] [SPEAKER_00]: by Sarah von Bargen of yesandyes.org.

[00:02:23] [SPEAKER_00]: Dear Sarah, so just wondering, how do you deal when you make a mistake

[00:02:28] [SPEAKER_00]: or do something you regret?

[00:02:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Does this ever happen to you?

[00:02:32] [SPEAKER_00]: I can't figure out if I'm just making more mistakes lately

[00:02:35] [SPEAKER_00]: or if I'm having a harder time forgiving myself for them.

[00:02:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Before I attempt to answer our friend's very valid question,

[00:02:42] [SPEAKER_00]: please allow me to share some of my most epic mistakes.

[00:02:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Number one, putting off getting the brakes on my scooter fixed,

[00:02:51] [SPEAKER_00]: resulting in an accident, a whole lot of road rash

[00:02:54] [SPEAKER_00]: and four stitches in my chin.

[00:02:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Number two, allowing a five-year relationship to go on

[00:03:01] [SPEAKER_00]: for about two years too long.

[00:03:03] [SPEAKER_00]: Number three, not proofing $1,300 worth of product

[00:03:07] [SPEAKER_00]: before I send it to the printer.

[00:03:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Number four, not tying down a mattress

[00:03:13] [SPEAKER_00]: while hauling in the back of a pickup.

[00:03:14] [SPEAKER_00]: It blew out of the back in the middle

[00:03:17] [SPEAKER_00]: of the Lake Street bridge during rush hour.

[00:03:21] [SPEAKER_00]: And number five, frequently wearing red fleece overalls

[00:03:24] [SPEAKER_00]: in high school, yes.

[00:03:27] [SPEAKER_00]: I'd like to say that I've learned from these mistakes

[00:03:29] [SPEAKER_00]: but I've got drop crotch print pants

[00:03:31] [SPEAKER_00]: in my online shopping cart as I type this.

[00:03:34] [SPEAKER_00]: So maybe I've yet to grasp the meaning

[00:03:36] [SPEAKER_00]: behind that last one.

[00:03:38] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm hardly the person who doesn't make mistakes.

[00:03:41] [SPEAKER_00]: However, I do my best not to get hung up on them

[00:03:45] [SPEAKER_00]: here are a few things that work for me.

[00:03:48] [SPEAKER_00]: How to get over your mistakes

[00:03:50] [SPEAKER_00]: in five not particularly easy steps.

[00:03:54] [SPEAKER_00]: Step one, be honest about what actually caused

[00:03:57] [SPEAKER_00]: these mistakes.

[00:03:59] [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't get my brakes fixed because I'm a procrastinator.

[00:04:02] [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't end the relationship

[00:04:04] [SPEAKER_00]: because I was afraid to hurt his feelings.

[00:04:06] [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't tie down that mattress

[00:04:09] [SPEAKER_00]: because I can be shockingly lazy.

[00:04:11] [SPEAKER_00]: I myself am the common denominator

[00:04:14] [SPEAKER_00]: in all of these screw ups.

[00:04:16] [SPEAKER_00]: Sounds rather depressing, doesn't it?

[00:04:19] [SPEAKER_00]: However, there is something oddly comforting

[00:04:22] [SPEAKER_00]: about acknowledging that about most of these mistakes.

[00:04:25] [SPEAKER_00]: With a bit of effort and emotional maturity

[00:04:27] [SPEAKER_00]: I could have avoided them.

[00:04:30] [SPEAKER_00]: These things were not beyond my control.

[00:04:32] [SPEAKER_00]: They were not an act of God.

[00:04:34] [SPEAKER_00]: They were my own doing.

[00:04:36] [SPEAKER_00]: And thus it is totally within my power

[00:04:39] [SPEAKER_00]: to avoid them in the future.

[00:04:42] [SPEAKER_00]: If you're the source of hardships in your life

[00:04:44] [SPEAKER_00]: you're also the source of the solutions.

[00:04:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Step two, think about how you can prevent this

[00:04:51] [SPEAKER_00]: from happening again.

[00:04:53] [SPEAKER_00]: There always be unexpected weather.

[00:04:56] [SPEAKER_00]: You can't really control how your boyfriend reacts

[00:04:58] [SPEAKER_00]: to your concerns or how other people view

[00:05:01] [SPEAKER_00]: the sartorial merits of red fleas overalls

[00:05:05] [SPEAKER_00]: but you can control yourself.

[00:05:07] [SPEAKER_00]: And as we just discussed

[00:05:09] [SPEAKER_00]: you might be the common denominator

[00:05:11] [SPEAKER_00]: in a lot of those mistakes.

[00:05:14] [SPEAKER_00]: You can prevent typos by double proofreading

[00:05:17] [SPEAKER_00]: asking a friend to proofread

[00:05:19] [SPEAKER_00]: not writing after you've had three lattes

[00:05:22] [SPEAKER_00]: not that I would know anything about that.

[00:05:24] [SPEAKER_00]: You can prevent regrettable romantic scenarios

[00:05:27] [SPEAKER_00]: by knowing and liking yourself

[00:05:29] [SPEAKER_00]: before you start dating someone

[00:05:30] [SPEAKER_00]: figuring out what you're looking for

[00:05:33] [SPEAKER_00]: not dating people who don't fit

[00:05:35] [SPEAKER_00]: what you're looking for

[00:05:36] [SPEAKER_00]: and learning how to fight fair.

[00:05:39] [SPEAKER_00]: If you're really painfully honest with yourself

[00:05:41] [SPEAKER_00]: you probably know how to prevent these slip ups

[00:05:44] [SPEAKER_00]: from happening.

[00:05:46] [SPEAKER_00]: You just need to commit

[00:05:47] [SPEAKER_00]: to putting those important tough decisions into play.

[00:05:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Step three, view the results of your mistakes

[00:05:54] [SPEAKER_00]: from an objective standpoint.

[00:05:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Of course we've all made mistakes

[00:05:59] [SPEAKER_00]: and some of them have had major consequences.

[00:06:01] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm looking at you scooter related chin scar.

[00:06:04] [SPEAKER_00]: But by and large

[00:06:05] [SPEAKER_00]: if you're hearing this blog

[00:06:07] [SPEAKER_00]: that means you have access to the internet.

[00:06:10] [SPEAKER_00]: You're not dead and you have the physical capacity

[00:06:13] [SPEAKER_00]: to use a computer or phone

[00:06:15] [SPEAKER_00]: and you have access to the internet.

[00:06:17] [SPEAKER_00]: You're already better off

[00:06:18] [SPEAKER_00]: than 95% of the world's inhabitants.

[00:06:22] [SPEAKER_00]: There are of course mistakes

[00:06:24] [SPEAKER_00]: that are very hard to recover from.

[00:06:26] [SPEAKER_00]: But you know what?

[00:06:28] [SPEAKER_00]: I bet we all know people

[00:06:29] [SPEAKER_00]: who have pulled themselves out of abusive relationships

[00:06:32] [SPEAKER_00]: crippling debt

[00:06:33] [SPEAKER_00]: serious health issues, unwise investments

[00:06:37] [SPEAKER_00]: bad mortgages, education programs they hated

[00:06:40] [SPEAKER_00]: and they all live to tell about it

[00:06:42] [SPEAKER_00]: and make better decisions the second time around.

[00:06:46] [SPEAKER_00]: As morbid as it sounds

[00:06:47] [SPEAKER_00]: the gigs not up till you're in the ground.

[00:06:50] [SPEAKER_00]: One mistake does not need to be yet another.

[00:06:53] [SPEAKER_00]: You don't need to be perfect.

[00:06:55] [SPEAKER_00]: You just need to be slightly smarter than last time.

[00:06:59] [SPEAKER_00]: Step four, think about how you can correct your mistakes.

[00:07:03] [SPEAKER_00]: How can you make up for your screw ups?

[00:07:05] [SPEAKER_00]: I can't go back in time and convince my 27 year old self

[00:07:08] [SPEAKER_00]: that she should take her scooter to a mechanic.

[00:07:11] [SPEAKER_00]: But if I run into that ex boyfriend

[00:07:13] [SPEAKER_00]: and the times right,

[00:07:14] [SPEAKER_00]: I could say,

[00:07:16] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm sorry about how things ended between us.

[00:07:18] [SPEAKER_00]: I should have had the guts to be honest with you

[00:07:20] [SPEAKER_00]: and be more open about my feelings.

[00:07:22] [SPEAKER_00]: You deserved better than that.

[00:07:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes that door is closed

[00:07:25] [SPEAKER_00]: and your best bet is to be a better person

[00:07:27] [SPEAKER_00]: from here on out.

[00:07:29] [SPEAKER_00]: But if an apology, redo or even a check

[00:07:33] [SPEAKER_00]: could make things right and make you feel better

[00:07:35] [SPEAKER_00]: then make it happen.

[00:07:38] [SPEAKER_00]: And step five, realize that regret

[00:07:40] [SPEAKER_00]: is deeply, deeply useless.

[00:07:45] [SPEAKER_00]: Now there's nothing wrong with acknowledging

[00:07:46] [SPEAKER_00]: that maybe if you could do it again

[00:07:48] [SPEAKER_00]: you wouldn't incur $75,000 worth of debt

[00:07:51] [SPEAKER_00]: for an MA in underwater basket weaving.

[00:07:55] [SPEAKER_00]: But there's a difference between shrugging and saying,

[00:07:57] [SPEAKER_00]: ah, well, you live, you learn

[00:07:59] [SPEAKER_00]: and tormenting yourself every time you make a loan payment.

[00:08:03] [SPEAKER_00]: Regretting your life's choices serves no one.

[00:08:07] [SPEAKER_00]: It's completely pointless

[00:08:08] [SPEAKER_00]: and as all those Pinterest images wisely state,

[00:08:12] [SPEAKER_00]: don't look back.

[00:08:13] [SPEAKER_00]: You're not going that way.

[00:08:15] [SPEAKER_00]: And if you're still hung up on past mistakes

[00:08:18] [SPEAKER_00]: use the old Grand Canyon trick.

[00:08:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Picture that the Grand Canyon is your life,

[00:08:24] [SPEAKER_00]: your past, present and future.

[00:08:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Start envisioning the various parts of your life

[00:08:29] [SPEAKER_00]: within the Canyon.

[00:08:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Over there is the day you were born,

[00:08:33] [SPEAKER_00]: your third grade choir performance,

[00:08:36] [SPEAKER_00]: your job as a babysitter.

[00:08:38] [SPEAKER_00]: Picture your present.

[00:08:40] [SPEAKER_00]: There's your apartment, your friends, your mom,

[00:08:44] [SPEAKER_00]: the book you're reading right now.

[00:08:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Picture your future.

[00:08:47] [SPEAKER_00]: There's your next vacation,

[00:08:49] [SPEAKER_00]: the love of your life, your future children,

[00:08:53] [SPEAKER_00]: the Top Chef finale.

[00:08:55] [SPEAKER_00]: Picture the enormous Grand Canyon

[00:08:57] [SPEAKER_00]: and drop your worry into it.

[00:08:59] [SPEAKER_00]: Whatever you're worrying about,

[00:09:01] [SPEAKER_00]: your cranky boss, your dating life,

[00:09:04] [SPEAKER_00]: a salty comment from a friend,

[00:09:06] [SPEAKER_00]: they'll be barely visible.

[00:09:08] [SPEAKER_00]: See how tiny it looks?

[00:09:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Suddenly your problem will seem much, much smaller

[00:09:13] [SPEAKER_00]: in comparison to the grand course

[00:09:15] [SPEAKER_00]: of your huge, rich, long life.

[00:09:23] [SPEAKER_00]: You just listened to the post titled

[00:09:25] [SPEAKER_00]: How to Get Over Your Mistakes

[00:09:26] [SPEAKER_00]: in Five Not Particularly Easy Steps

[00:09:29] [SPEAKER_00]: by Sarah Von Bargen of yesandyes.org

[00:09:32] [SPEAKER_00]: and I'll be right back with my commentary.

[00:09:35] [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you, Sarah.

[00:09:36] [SPEAKER_00]: I think it was Ben Franklin

[00:09:37] [SPEAKER_00]: that would review what he did every day,

[00:09:40] [SPEAKER_00]: basically writing down what he did well

[00:09:42] [SPEAKER_00]: and what he could have done better that day.

[00:09:45] [SPEAKER_00]: And for the things he could have done better

[00:09:46] [SPEAKER_00]: or bad habits, he would pick one

[00:09:49] [SPEAKER_00]: and then work on it for a week

[00:09:52] [SPEAKER_00]: and then change it up the next week.

[00:09:55] [SPEAKER_00]: That might be overkill, but like Sarah said,

[00:09:57] [SPEAKER_00]: we are the source of the solutions.

[00:09:59] [SPEAKER_00]: Even just a different perspective

[00:10:01] [SPEAKER_00]: on those mistakes could make a big difference.

[00:10:04] [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, we might be responsible,

[00:10:06] [SPEAKER_00]: but we don't have to be hard on ourselves for it.

[00:10:09] [SPEAKER_00]: No one's perfect.

[00:10:10] [SPEAKER_00]: We're all going to make mistakes.

[00:10:12] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm sure we can both think of

[00:10:13] [SPEAKER_00]: hundreds of mistakes we've each had,

[00:10:16] [SPEAKER_00]: but instead of beating ourselves up about it,

[00:10:18] [SPEAKER_00]: what comes from it?

[00:10:20] [SPEAKER_00]: That's what's most important.

[00:10:23] [SPEAKER_00]: There's a good quote in there.

[00:10:24] [SPEAKER_00]: She said, you don't need to be perfect.

[00:10:26] [SPEAKER_00]: You just need to be slightly smarter than last time.

[00:10:30] [SPEAKER_00]: That's something I try to remind myself of

[00:10:32] [SPEAKER_00]: with this podcast,

[00:10:33] [SPEAKER_00]: just trying to be a little bit better each day.

[00:10:35] [SPEAKER_00]: That's what I hope for you too,

[00:10:36] [SPEAKER_00]: being here with me and listening.

[00:10:38] [SPEAKER_00]: Hopefully 10 or so minutes a day

[00:10:40] [SPEAKER_00]: can add up so that we're even

[00:10:42] [SPEAKER_00]: just a tiny bit better than yesterday.

[00:10:44] [SPEAKER_00]: I do think it's working for me after all these years.

[00:10:46] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm sure it is for you too.

[00:10:48] [SPEAKER_00]: So with that, thank you for being here.

[00:10:50] [SPEAKER_00]: Have a great rest of your day,

[00:10:52] [SPEAKER_00]: and I'll see you tomorrow.

[00:10:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Where your optimal life awaits.