3306: Action Versus Intention: When Context Is Everything by Helene Massicotte of Free to Pursue on Personal Development

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[00:00:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Action Versus Intention When Context Is Everything by Helene Massicotte

[00:00:46] [SPEAKER_00]: of Free To Pursue.com and I'm Justin Malik, your very own personal narrator.

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[00:01:01] [SPEAKER_00]: So with that, let's get right to it and continue optimizing your life.

[00:01:09] [SPEAKER_00]: Action Versus Intention When Context Is Everything by Helene Massicotte

[00:01:15] [SPEAKER_00]: of FreeToPursue.com

[00:01:18] [SPEAKER_00]: It happens in the car, at work, at home, when we're out and about.

[00:01:23] [SPEAKER_00]: We all do it.

[00:01:25] [SPEAKER_00]: We judge.

[00:01:26] [SPEAKER_00]: We judge ourselves and we judge others.

[00:01:29] [SPEAKER_00]: We judge everything we and others do, say, and opine.

[00:01:34] [SPEAKER_00]: It might be just for an instant, but we still do it.

[00:01:38] [SPEAKER_00]: To judge is not necessarily a bad thing.

[00:01:40] [SPEAKER_00]: We need to observe and evaluate what's around us.

[00:01:43] [SPEAKER_00]: It's how we learn, how we decide what we like or don't like.

[00:01:47] [SPEAKER_00]: It's also how we evaluate opportunities and risks.

[00:01:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Our judgment is a great asset, especially when it's been cultivated into good judgment and common sense.

[00:01:57] [SPEAKER_00]: But even a great asset can cause us trouble from time to time.

[00:02:02] [SPEAKER_00]: Context Is Everything

[00:02:05] [SPEAKER_00]: For as long as I can remember, context is everything has been one of my favorite expressions.

[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_00]: It's a good reminder that we don't always have all the information to understand what's going on

[00:02:16] [SPEAKER_00]: when something just doesn't seem right or isn't clear.

[00:02:19] [SPEAKER_00]: It invites us to question, to pursue our curiosity when we're confused by something

[00:02:24] [SPEAKER_00]: or simply want to understand it better.

[00:02:28] [SPEAKER_00]: And I appreciated it even more when a speaker introduced me to the concept of action versus intention.

[00:02:35] [SPEAKER_00]: I wish I could remember my original source, though I've heard it a number of times since.

[00:02:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Action versus intention

[00:02:43] [SPEAKER_00]: The way it was presented to me is that we judge others' actions based on the actions alone.

[00:02:50] [SPEAKER_00]: We can only witness what they say or do, but we don't know what drove them to do it.

[00:02:55] [SPEAKER_00]: We're judging their behavior without understanding their why.

[00:02:59] [SPEAKER_00]: On the other hand, we have a pretty good idea of why we behave the way we do.

[00:03:04] [SPEAKER_00]: We know what led up to it, what's influencing us now,

[00:03:07] [SPEAKER_00]: or what drove us to act a given way in a past event.

[00:03:11] [SPEAKER_00]: You could say we have full disclosure when it comes to what we do and why.

[00:03:16] [SPEAKER_00]: That means, in effect, that we judge ourselves based on our intentions,

[00:03:21] [SPEAKER_00]: but that we judge others based on their actions.

[00:03:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Stacking the deck

[00:03:27] [SPEAKER_00]: By judging ourselves based on our intentions and judging others based on their actions,

[00:03:32] [SPEAKER_00]: we're really stacking the deck in our favor and then some.

[00:03:36] [SPEAKER_00]: How can there possibly be a fair comparison between our behavior and how it compares to that of others?

[00:03:43] [SPEAKER_00]: It sets the bar artificially low, doesn't it?

[00:03:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Not sure what I mean?

[00:03:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Let me explain with a story you may have heard before.

[00:03:51] [SPEAKER_00]: A man is riding on a subway with his two children.

[00:03:54] [SPEAKER_00]: They're running around in the aisle, jumping on the seats, swinging on the handles in the poles,

[00:03:59] [SPEAKER_00]: and driving the other passengers a bit crazy.

[00:04:02] [SPEAKER_00]: Well, it should be no surprise to say that he's getting dirty looks from just about everyone around

[00:04:07] [SPEAKER_00]: him as they wonder why he isn't tending to them.

[00:04:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Finally, a woman looks at him and asks why he's not minding his children.

[00:04:15] [SPEAKER_00]: He looks up, slowly emerging from his stupor as he realizes she's asked him a question.

[00:04:21] [SPEAKER_00]: He apologizes, explaining that he and his children

[00:04:24] [SPEAKER_00]: are on their way home from the hospital, his wife having just passed away.

[00:04:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Without additional context, it's easy to believe that he's an uncaring passenger and parent.

[00:04:35] [SPEAKER_00]: It's easy to judge harshly and swiftly.

[00:04:38] [SPEAKER_00]: One simple question flipped our attitude from intolerance to acceptance

[00:04:43] [SPEAKER_00]: and our emotion from contempt to sympathy.

[00:04:47] [SPEAKER_00]: This idea of how I judge myself versus how I judge others

[00:04:52] [SPEAKER_00]: has gradually permeated most of my interactions,

[00:04:55] [SPEAKER_00]: and though I still have some way to go, it feels wonderful.

[00:05:00] [SPEAKER_00]: It makes me a happier and more patient driver, spouse, friend, business owner, coach, customer,

[00:05:08] [SPEAKER_00]: speaker, and person in general.

[00:05:11] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm more content not only because I've learned to give the benefit of the doubt

[00:05:15] [SPEAKER_00]: and ask questions when I can, but because I realize that others don't have context

[00:05:21] [SPEAKER_00]: for my own behavior and that I have to cut them some slack when they react negatively to something

[00:05:26] [SPEAKER_00]: I've said, written or done.

[00:05:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Of course, if I have the chance and it's appropriate and I want to,

[00:05:32] [SPEAKER_00]: I attempt to offer the context they need to understand my why.

[00:05:37] [SPEAKER_00]: This increased awareness has also had a humbling effect because when as a rule

[00:05:42] [SPEAKER_00]: I give everyone the benefit of the doubt unless proven otherwise,

[00:05:46] [SPEAKER_00]: it knocks me off my pedestal.

[00:05:47] [SPEAKER_00]: I can't always assume my thoughts, words, and actions would be or are more appropriate

[00:05:54] [SPEAKER_00]: than anyone else's.

[00:05:55] [SPEAKER_00]: To be sure of that, I'd have to know the whole story.

[00:06:00] [SPEAKER_00]: And often, that is nearly impossible.

[00:06:08] [SPEAKER_00]: You just listened to the post titled Action versus Intention

[00:06:11] [SPEAKER_00]: When Context Is Everything by Elan Massicott of FreeToPursue.com

[00:06:16] [SPEAKER_00]: and I'll be right back with my commentary.

[00:06:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you to Elan, well said.

[00:06:22] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not sure I can add much to this one except to say that I hope it can stick with you.

[00:06:26] [SPEAKER_00]: The story about the man on the subway is one I've heard before and actually does pop back up

[00:06:32] [SPEAKER_00]: into my consciousness when I catch myself being irritated by a crazy driver or

[00:06:37] [SPEAKER_00]: someone being inconsiderate.

[00:06:39] [SPEAKER_00]: I often catch myself thinking, well, who might have judged what they're going through in

[00:06:44] [SPEAKER_00]: this moment?

[00:06:44] [SPEAKER_00]: I know that I've been impatient before when I was late to something

[00:06:48] [SPEAKER_00]: and their situation could be much worse than simply being late.

[00:06:53] [SPEAKER_00]: With that simple consideration, not only can it bring some relief to our own stress and

[00:06:58] [SPEAKER_00]: mindset but also make us more kind and understanding towards others,

[00:07:03] [SPEAKER_00]: which I think we could use a lot more of in this world.

[00:07:06] [SPEAKER_00]: So hopefully this one can stick with you this weekend, even this whole month, year and beyond.

[00:07:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Wishing you a great one and I'll see you tomorrow as usual, where optimal life awaits.