3321: Going Sober: A Radical Act Of Self-Love by Melani Schweder of A Brighter Wild on Personal Development

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_01]: This is Optimal Living Daily, Going Sober, A Radical Act Of Self-Love by Melani Schweder

[00:00:07] [SPEAKER_01]: of A Brighter Wild dot com and I'm Justin Malik.

[00:00:11] [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome back to our Sunday bonus episode where we get to hear from a different podcast

[00:00:15] [SPEAKER_01]: where we read to you.

[00:00:17] [SPEAKER_01]: And today's comes from my brother's show, Optimal Health Daily.

[00:00:20] [SPEAKER_01]: If you'd like to hear more about fitness, nutrition, diet, and anything health related,

[00:00:25] [SPEAKER_01]: you can find Optimal Health Daily wherever you get your podcasts.

[00:00:29] [SPEAKER_01]: You can even submit your own questions and have them answered on Friday editions of the

[00:00:33] [SPEAKER_01]: show.

[00:00:34] [SPEAKER_01]: You can send a health related question to health at oldpodcast.com and then listen

[00:00:40] [SPEAKER_01]: to that show on Fridays.

[00:00:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Again, that's Optimal Health Daily.

[00:00:45] [SPEAKER_01]: But with that, let's get right to the bonus episode as we optimize your life.

[00:00:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Going Sober A Radical Act Of Self-Love by Melani Schweder of A Brighter Wild dot

[00:01:00] com.

[00:01:00] [SPEAKER_00]: After many months of thinking and struggling with this topic, I feel like it's finally

[00:01:05] [SPEAKER_00]: time to come out and claim another label for myself, sober.

[00:01:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Now, for most of us when we hear the word sober, we think of alcoholics anonymous.

[00:01:15] [SPEAKER_00]: We think of addiction.

[00:01:17] [SPEAKER_00]: We think of those whose pasts are riddled with horror stories about drinking and drugs

[00:01:21] [SPEAKER_00]: and how they've managed to get clean.

[00:01:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Or on the other hand, we hear the term and immediately play word association.

[00:01:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Tea totaler.

[00:01:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Serious.

[00:01:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Uptight.

[00:01:33] [SPEAKER_00]: Drab.

[00:01:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Colorless.

[00:01:36] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm here to tell you that being sober is none of those things.

[00:01:39] [SPEAKER_00]: At least for me anyway, not to mention many of the wonderful individuals in recovery

[00:01:43] [SPEAKER_00]: that I have met over the past couple of years.

[00:01:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Even though I abused alcohol off and on, I thankfully didn't develop a full-blown

[00:01:51] [SPEAKER_00]: addiction.

[00:01:52] [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I drank quite a bit for a short period of time in college.

[00:01:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I had a scare with nearly poisoning myself and my hallmates being worried that

[00:02:01] [SPEAKER_00]: I wouldn't wake up the next morning.

[00:02:04] [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, alcohol was blamed for my rape instead of my rapist.

[00:02:07] [SPEAKER_00]: And yes, I continued drinking after that, well into my 20s and even after getting

[00:02:12] [SPEAKER_00]: ill.

[00:02:13] [SPEAKER_00]: But over the last few years, I've noticed that my relationship with alcohol has gotten

[00:02:18] [SPEAKER_00]: even more strained.

[00:02:19] [SPEAKER_00]: I have to admit, I never really enjoyed drinking.

[00:02:23] [SPEAKER_00]: I mean yes, the social aspects were great and it made me feel like a part of the in

[00:02:28] [SPEAKER_00]: crowd.

[00:02:29] [SPEAKER_00]: I know that being accepted was hands down the number one reason that I ever drank

[00:02:34] [SPEAKER_00]: in the first place.

[00:02:35] [SPEAKER_00]: Because my body sure as hell didn't like it.

[00:02:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Now I've always been slightly jealous at all the people that actually love drinking

[00:02:43] [SPEAKER_00]: because it makes them feel good.

[00:02:44] [SPEAKER_00]: They loosen up.

[00:02:45] [SPEAKER_00]: They come out of their shells.

[00:02:47] [SPEAKER_00]: They become the life of the party.

[00:02:49] [SPEAKER_00]: As an introvert and empath, I longed for that kind of release to get out of my head

[00:02:54] [SPEAKER_00]: for a while and just be.

[00:02:56] [SPEAKER_00]: So I kept trying to booze over and over again.

[00:03:00] [SPEAKER_00]: And I never found that flow.

[00:03:02] [SPEAKER_00]: My choice to go sober has been one that I've been ruminating over for years.

[00:03:07] [SPEAKER_00]: Slowly I've consumed less and less on fewer and fewer occasions.

[00:03:11] [SPEAKER_00]: I'd start saying things like, I'm not really a big drinker.

[00:03:16] [SPEAKER_00]: Or just a sip.

[00:03:18] [SPEAKER_00]: Or I'm a lightweight.

[00:03:20] [SPEAKER_00]: To begin my social transition to sobriety.

[00:03:23] [SPEAKER_00]: And slowly people began to absorb those messages and I didn't have to turn down

[00:03:27] [SPEAKER_00]: invitations to bar crawls or clubbing anymore.

[00:03:30] [SPEAKER_00]: People started realizing that when they invited me to their home or party, I wasn't

[00:03:35] [SPEAKER_00]: going to get drunk or loud or rude or destructive.

[00:03:39] [SPEAKER_00]: I could be funny and charming and kind with just a cup of water in my hand.

[00:03:45] [SPEAKER_00]: So it's been a long-ish transition to announcing my sobriety.

[00:03:49] [SPEAKER_00]: But here it is.

[00:03:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Ta-da!

[00:03:52] [SPEAKER_00]: Why is this a radical act of self love, you may ask?

[00:03:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Because it's one that takes courage.

[00:03:58] [SPEAKER_00]: To stand up for myself and my body when nobody else can or will.

[00:04:03] [SPEAKER_00]: Because to completely abstain from drinking, especially at my age, is highly unusual in

[00:04:09] [SPEAKER_00]: our culture where both social and work occasions are centered around the bar scene.

[00:04:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Because to claim a label that is so cut and dried, pun intended, can be somewhat threatening

[00:04:19] [SPEAKER_00]: to our new fluid, fun-loving zeitgeist.

[00:04:23] [SPEAKER_00]: Because the potential to be seen as a fuddy-duddy or party-pooper is terrifying to many, I

[00:04:29] [SPEAKER_00]: however have always been proud of my grandparent status.

[00:04:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Slippers, reading and 9pm bedtimes?

[00:04:36] [SPEAKER_00]: Whoot whoot!

[00:04:37] [SPEAKER_00]: But after much experimentation and self-exploration, I finally decided that staying sober is the

[00:04:43] [SPEAKER_00]: best thing I can do for myself.

[00:04:45] [SPEAKER_00]: There are a lot of reasons why people may choose to go sober, and addiction is

[00:04:49] [SPEAKER_00]: only one of them.

[00:04:50] [SPEAKER_00]: I am proud to be part of a wonderful community of sober people, even though

[00:04:54] [SPEAKER_00]: my story may be unlike many of theirs.

[00:04:57] [SPEAKER_00]: My road to sobriety has probably been quite different than many others.

[00:05:01] [SPEAKER_00]: But I think the more diversity in the sober world, the better.

[00:05:05] [SPEAKER_00]: Sobriety is a choice, and hopefully one that all people from all backgrounds can feel empowered

[00:05:10] [SPEAKER_00]: to make.

[00:05:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Of course, a lot of my decision has to do with my physical health.

[00:05:15] [SPEAKER_00]: As you know, I've been sick with Lyme disease and chronic fatigue syndrome for

[00:05:19] [SPEAKER_00]: over 7 years now, and I will be damned if something as silly as booze were to hold

[00:05:24] [SPEAKER_00]: back my recovery.

[00:05:25] [SPEAKER_00]: I know deep down that I have what it takes to get well again, and that alcohol and

[00:05:30] [SPEAKER_00]: the surrounding culture was only going to get in the way.

[00:05:33] [SPEAKER_00]: This comes from not only some knowledge about the physiology of alcohol consumption, but

[00:05:38] [SPEAKER_00]: also my own personal experiences and how my body communicates with me when I drink.

[00:05:44] [SPEAKER_00]: The first sip may be delightful, but in a few short minutes, I start to feel sick.

[00:05:50] [SPEAKER_00]: Depending on the type of booze, my reaction may be mild or more severe, but regardless,

[00:05:55] [SPEAKER_00]: it's never a good thing.

[00:05:56] [SPEAKER_00]: I get dizzy and foggy headed.

[00:05:59] [SPEAKER_00]: My body feels like it's overheating.

[00:06:01] [SPEAKER_00]: My legs start turning to jelly.

[00:06:04] [SPEAKER_00]: Then the horrendous headache starts clamping down.

[00:06:07] [SPEAKER_00]: My stomach turns.

[00:06:08] [SPEAKER_00]: I feel shaky.

[00:06:09] [SPEAKER_00]: Even though these things have been going on for years in response to my drinking,

[00:06:13] [SPEAKER_00]: it's taken me a while to actually listen to my body's pleas for me to stop.

[00:06:18] [SPEAKER_00]: So now all I can say is, sorry buddy, I promise from today onwards to treat you

[00:06:24] [SPEAKER_00]: better.

[00:06:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Now, as I say the word sober, it feels good.

[00:06:29] [SPEAKER_00]: It feels right.

[00:06:30] [SPEAKER_00]: I can sense my whole energy respond in a positive way.

[00:06:35] [SPEAKER_00]: It resonates with me on all levels, physical, emotional, mental and spiritual.

[00:06:40] [SPEAKER_00]: I know that I can walk forward through my life with this new empowering identity

[00:06:45] [SPEAKER_00]: and that I can claim this new radical label in the name of self-love and self-care.

[00:06:49] [SPEAKER_00]: In light of all this, if you drink, I simply invite you to tap into your body

[00:06:54] [SPEAKER_00]: and what it is trying to tell you.

[00:06:57] [SPEAKER_00]: And if you find that your body or spirit isn't 100% on board with your drinking,

[00:07:02] [SPEAKER_00]: perhaps it's your sacred invitation to cut back.

[00:07:06] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not saying that you have to go all in with sobriety,

[00:07:08] [SPEAKER_00]: but any step that you can take towards a better relationship with yourself, the better.

[00:07:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Open the lines of communication and you may find some unexpected guidance come your way.

[00:07:18] [SPEAKER_00]: As I'm writing this, I notice on the news that the rates of drinking among those under 30

[00:07:24] [SPEAKER_00]: are on the decline.

[00:07:25] [SPEAKER_00]: So maybe it's not so radical after all.

[00:07:32] [SPEAKER_00]: You just listened to the post titled,

[00:07:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Going Sober, a Radical Act of Self-Love

[00:07:37] [SPEAKER_00]: by Melanie Schwader of ABrighterWild.com

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[00:08:55] [SPEAKER_00]: Dr. Neal here for my commentary.

[00:08:58] [SPEAKER_00]: I really liked a phrase that Melanie shared with us.

[00:09:01] [SPEAKER_00]: She said,

[00:09:02] [SPEAKER_00]: Sorry, body.

[00:09:04] [SPEAKER_00]: I promised from today onwards to treat you better.

[00:09:07] [SPEAKER_00]: What's so great about this phrase is that it can be used for other behaviors too.

[00:09:12] [SPEAKER_00]: For example, say we went a little overboard with the Thanksgiving leftovers.

[00:09:17] [SPEAKER_00]: We can then repeat this phrase to ourselves.

[00:09:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Sorry, body.

[00:09:22] [SPEAKER_00]: I promised from today onwards to treat you better.

[00:09:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Now, I should also mention that forgiving yourself for these little setbacks is important.

[00:09:30] [SPEAKER_00]: But it's just as important to try and learn from the experience too.

[00:09:35] [SPEAKER_00]: If we can ask ourselves,

[00:09:37] [SPEAKER_00]: How can I do better next time?

[00:09:38] [SPEAKER_00]: Or, What did I learn about myself from this experience?

[00:09:43] [SPEAKER_00]: This phrase becomes even more powerful.

[00:09:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Alright, that'll do it for the Saturday episode.

[00:09:49] [SPEAKER_00]: I hope you're having a great weekend if you're listening in real time.

[00:09:52] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'll be back here tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.