3351: [Part 2] Secrets to a Less Stressful Life by Dr. Lisa Firestone of PsychAlive on Self Compassion

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[00:00:27] [SPEAKER_01]: This is Optimal Living Daily, Secrets to a Less Stressful Life, Part 2, by Dr. Lisa Firestone of PsychAlive.org, and I'm Justin Malik.

[00:00:38] [SPEAKER_01]: Happy Friday, welcome to the old podcast, the OLD Podcast, Optimal Living Daily, where I read to you like a big, ongoing audiobook, but from many different authors.

[00:00:48] [SPEAKER_01]: And today being a continuation from yesterday, so I'd recommend listening to yesterday's episode before this one.

[00:00:54] [SPEAKER_01]: But if you're all caught up, let's get right to part two and continue optimizing your life.

[00:01:03] [SPEAKER_01]: Secrets to a Less Stressful Life, Part 2, by Dr. Lisa Firestone of PsychAlive.org.

[00:01:11] [SPEAKER_01]: Number six, try out a different perspective.

[00:01:15] [SPEAKER_01]: On a survival level, our brains are wired to notice danger and focus on potential problems in an attempt to protect us.

[00:01:23] [SPEAKER_01]: Unfortunately, this can make it much too easy to become overwhelmed by things we can't control.

[00:01:30] [SPEAKER_01]: Dr. Salvatore Maddy, who studied hardiness or emotional resilience for more than 30 years,

[00:01:36] [SPEAKER_01]: has found that people with more hardiness see challenges as part of the human condition

[00:01:42] [SPEAKER_01]: and regard them as opportunities to change and gain strength.

[00:01:47] [SPEAKER_01]: Imagine that moment when life hands us something we could so easily stress about.

[00:01:52] [SPEAKER_01]: If we feel overpowered by our circumstances, we may give up, get upset,

[00:01:57] [SPEAKER_01]: or engage in a lot of thoughts and behaviors that amplify our stress.

[00:02:02] [SPEAKER_01]: If we take a moment to pause to see this instead as a challenge,

[00:02:06] [SPEAKER_01]: a natural bump in the road of life,

[00:02:08] [SPEAKER_01]: we can change the way we feel inside when facing the very same external circumstances.

[00:02:15] [SPEAKER_01]: Number seven, make self-compassion a permanent goal.

[00:02:19] [SPEAKER_01]: Dr. Kristen Neff is a lead researcher on self-compassion.

[00:02:24] [SPEAKER_01]: She has discovered incredible benefits to practicing self-compassion

[00:02:28] [SPEAKER_01]: as it helps people avoid self-evaluation while allowing them to be kind to themselves.

[00:02:34] [SPEAKER_01]: Self-compassion is sometimes mistaken for feeling sorry for oneself,

[00:02:38] [SPEAKER_01]: but it's actually the opposite.

[00:02:41] [SPEAKER_01]: It allows us to feel for ourselves and our circumstances

[00:02:44] [SPEAKER_01]: and accept our suffering as part of the human condition.

[00:02:48] [SPEAKER_01]: It allows us to see our flaws or limitations without hating ourselves,

[00:02:52] [SPEAKER_01]: and therefore, we can take steps to make changes.

[00:02:56] [SPEAKER_01]: Self-compassion can be a powerful tool when we feel stressed

[00:02:59] [SPEAKER_01]: because it reminds us to be kind and sensitive to ourselves

[00:03:03] [SPEAKER_01]: and treat ourselves the way we would a friend facing these same circumstances.

[00:03:08] [SPEAKER_01]: Number eight, develop strategies to calm yourself down.

[00:03:13] [SPEAKER_01]: There are many good exercises for reducing our immediate feelings of stress.

[00:03:18] [SPEAKER_01]: Breathing exercises such as taking a few long, slow breaths

[00:03:22] [SPEAKER_01]: or simply paying attention to our breath,

[00:03:24] [SPEAKER_01]: even yawning or inflating a balloon can help us lower our heart rate and calm down.

[00:03:30] [SPEAKER_01]: In terms of our thinking,

[00:03:32] [SPEAKER_01]: there are practices to help us better process what's occurring.

[00:03:35] [SPEAKER_01]: When something painful or distressing happens, for example,

[00:03:40] [SPEAKER_01]: psychologists Jack Kornfield and Tara Brock recommend

[00:03:42] [SPEAKER_01]: the RAIN, R-A-I-N approach,

[00:03:46] [SPEAKER_01]: which involves

[00:03:47] [SPEAKER_01]: R, recognizing the trauma or loss.

[00:03:50] [SPEAKER_01]: A, acknowledging, accepting, and allowing that this trauma occurred

[00:03:55] [SPEAKER_01]: and may not be resolved.

[00:03:57] [SPEAKER_01]: I, investigating the experience as it relates to your past and present life.

[00:04:02] [SPEAKER_01]: And N, non-identification with the experience,

[00:04:06] [SPEAKER_01]: which means we don't over-identify with what happened or allow it to define us.

[00:04:12] [SPEAKER_01]: Number nine, notice the triggers that set you off.

[00:04:16] [SPEAKER_01]: We all have real stressors in our lives,

[00:04:19] [SPEAKER_01]: bills to pay, work to do, schedules to manage.

[00:04:22] [SPEAKER_01]: But why are we able to handle some things with calm and competence

[00:04:26] [SPEAKER_01]: while others seem to push us over the edge?

[00:04:29] [SPEAKER_01]: We all have specific buttons that set off our stress more than others.

[00:04:34] [SPEAKER_01]: The more we learn what triggers our strongest emotions,

[00:04:37] [SPEAKER_01]: like fear and frustration,

[00:04:39] [SPEAKER_01]: the more we can understand ourselves and control our reactions to these triggers.

[00:04:44] [SPEAKER_01]: For example,

[00:04:46] [SPEAKER_01]: does a tone of condescension set off critical inner voices of being incapable?

[00:04:51] [SPEAKER_01]: Is the nightly news making you feel like hiding under a desk?

[00:04:55] [SPEAKER_01]: Does a certain way your child cries leave you feeling unbelievably overwhelmed?

[00:05:00] [SPEAKER_01]: When we identify these triggers,

[00:05:03] [SPEAKER_01]: we can go deeper into exploring why these particular things stir us up so much.

[00:05:08] [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe they remind us of feeling helpless as a child

[00:05:11] [SPEAKER_01]: or having a parent who flew off the handle.

[00:05:14] [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe they trigger real or existential fears about ourselves and our family.

[00:05:20] [SPEAKER_01]: Knowing our triggers can help us face more core emotions

[00:05:23] [SPEAKER_01]: that are pumping life into our stress

[00:05:25] [SPEAKER_01]: and they can also teach us what may not be best for us in our daily lives.

[00:05:30] [SPEAKER_01]: We should ask ourselves,

[00:05:32] [SPEAKER_01]: can I avoid, limit, or better handle certain things that make me feel stressed?

[00:05:38] [SPEAKER_01]: Can I put away my phone after 9pm?

[00:05:40] [SPEAKER_01]: Can I turn off the news when my heart starts to race?

[00:05:43] [SPEAKER_01]: Can I take a couple smaller projects off my calendar?

[00:05:46] [SPEAKER_01]: Can my partner handle this tantrum when I'm not feeling myself?

[00:05:51] [SPEAKER_01]: This approach isn't about eliminating or avoiding real responsibilities or circumstances,

[00:05:57] [SPEAKER_01]: but about actively seeking better strategies to deal with them.

[00:06:02] [SPEAKER_01]: And number 10, take positive actions.

[00:06:06] [SPEAKER_01]: At times, stress can make us feel overwhelmed or hopeless

[00:06:09] [SPEAKER_01]: and can actually impair our ability to take action.

[00:06:13] [SPEAKER_01]: If we feel stressed, it can be beneficial to sit down

[00:06:16] [SPEAKER_01]: and come up with some actions that will help alleviate our stress

[00:06:20] [SPEAKER_01]: rather than contribute to it.

[00:06:22] [SPEAKER_01]: This isn't about making a long to-do list that will overwhelm or agitate us.

[00:06:26] [SPEAKER_01]: It's about taking pause

[00:06:28] [SPEAKER_01]: and really pinpointing a positive step we can take

[00:06:31] [SPEAKER_01]: to feel better or move forward on a task.

[00:06:34] [SPEAKER_01]: This could be something as small as going for a walk outside,

[00:06:38] [SPEAKER_01]: taking 15 minutes to meditate,

[00:06:39] [SPEAKER_01]: setting aside an hour to make progress on a project,

[00:06:43] [SPEAKER_01]: calling a good friend,

[00:06:45] [SPEAKER_01]: or listening to uplifting music.

[00:06:47] [SPEAKER_01]: These actions can also be a direct response

[00:06:50] [SPEAKER_01]: to whatever is causing our stress.

[00:06:52] [SPEAKER_01]: For example,

[00:06:54] [SPEAKER_01]: if we feel frustrated by the state of the world,

[00:06:56] [SPEAKER_01]: we can set up time to volunteer

[00:06:58] [SPEAKER_01]: or donate to a cause that matters to us.

[00:07:02] [SPEAKER_01]: If work is chaotic,

[00:07:03] [SPEAKER_01]: we can seek out strategies to keep calm.

[00:07:06] [SPEAKER_01]: One friend of mine found it helpful

[00:07:08] [SPEAKER_01]: to just check in with herself every hour to ask,

[00:07:11] [SPEAKER_01]: how are you hanging in there?

[00:07:12] [SPEAKER_01]: And taking a few moments to breathe.

[00:07:15] [SPEAKER_01]: If we're overwhelmed at home,

[00:07:16] [SPEAKER_01]: we can engage in a healthy conversation

[00:07:18] [SPEAKER_01]: with family or friends about

[00:07:20] [SPEAKER_01]: how we can all help one another.

[00:07:23] [SPEAKER_01]: My sisters often pick up each other's kids

[00:07:25] [SPEAKER_01]: once or twice a week

[00:07:26] [SPEAKER_01]: to allow the other to have an extra hour

[00:07:28] [SPEAKER_01]: at the end of the day.

[00:07:30] [SPEAKER_01]: Another friend makes a game

[00:07:31] [SPEAKER_01]: out of late night grocery shopping

[00:07:33] [SPEAKER_01]: with his whole family

[00:07:34] [SPEAKER_01]: when he or his wife has trouble making time

[00:07:37] [SPEAKER_01]: to get to the market.

[00:07:39] [SPEAKER_01]: Whatever it is that helps,

[00:07:41] [SPEAKER_01]: give that action the time

[00:07:42] [SPEAKER_01]: and importance it deserves.

[00:07:44] [SPEAKER_01]: Anything we can do to help squeeze more joy,

[00:07:47] [SPEAKER_01]: peace, and meaning out of our day

[00:07:49] [SPEAKER_01]: is a worthy pursuit

[00:07:51] [SPEAKER_01]: that everyone deserves.

[00:07:57] [SPEAKER_01]: You just listened to part two of the post titled

[00:07:59] [SPEAKER_01]: Secrets to a Less Stressful Life

[00:08:02] [SPEAKER_01]: by Dr. Lisa Firestone of psychalive.org

[00:08:05] [SPEAKER_01]: and I'll be right back with my commentary.

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[00:09:16] [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you again to Dr. Lisa.

[00:09:18] [SPEAKER_01]: I think we could do an entire episode

[00:09:21] [SPEAKER_01]: on strategies to calm ourselves down

[00:09:23] [SPEAKER_01]: and actually might be underestimated

[00:09:26] [SPEAKER_01]: in personal development.

[00:09:27] [SPEAKER_01]: Stress has such a tensing effect

[00:09:31] [SPEAKER_01]: and that's throughout the whole body.

[00:09:33] [SPEAKER_01]: It can manifest itself anywhere.

[00:09:36] [SPEAKER_01]: Tension, headaches, or migraines,

[00:09:39] [SPEAKER_01]: tight and achy muscles,

[00:09:40] [SPEAKER_01]: stomach issues.

[00:09:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Feels endless really.

[00:09:43] [SPEAKER_01]: And how much of the time

[00:09:45] [SPEAKER_01]: are we tensed up

[00:09:46] [SPEAKER_01]: because of some kind of stress?

[00:09:48] [SPEAKER_01]: There are a few things

[00:09:49] [SPEAKER_01]: that I think have helped me over the years.

[00:09:51] [SPEAKER_01]: Meditation,

[00:09:52] [SPEAKER_01]: which I think I mentioned yesterday.

[00:09:54] [SPEAKER_01]: Hot showers,

[00:09:55] [SPEAKER_01]: or baths,

[00:09:57] [SPEAKER_01]: or steam rooms,

[00:09:58] [SPEAKER_01]: massage,

[00:09:59] [SPEAKER_01]: even sighing.

[00:10:01] [SPEAKER_01]: There's also something called

[00:10:03] [SPEAKER_01]: Yoga Nidra,

[00:10:04] [SPEAKER_01]: also called

[00:10:04] [SPEAKER_01]: non-sleep deep rest

[00:10:06] [SPEAKER_01]: by some,

[00:10:07] [SPEAKER_01]: which is basically

[00:10:08] [SPEAKER_01]: in my experience

[00:10:09] [SPEAKER_01]: just going through

[00:10:10] [SPEAKER_01]: each body part

[00:10:11] [SPEAKER_01]: one by one

[00:10:12] [SPEAKER_01]: slowly

[00:10:13] [SPEAKER_01]: and

[00:10:13] [SPEAKER_01]: relaxing it,

[00:10:15] [SPEAKER_01]: which may or may not

[00:10:16] [SPEAKER_01]: end up in actual sleep

[00:10:18] [SPEAKER_01]: happening.

[00:10:19] [SPEAKER_01]: I found that one

[00:10:20] [SPEAKER_01]: so helpful

[00:10:21] [SPEAKER_01]: that I created

[00:10:22] [SPEAKER_01]: an audio episode

[00:10:23] [SPEAKER_01]: for NSDR,

[00:10:24] [SPEAKER_01]: non-sleep deep rest,

[00:10:25] [SPEAKER_01]: or Yoga Nidra

[00:10:27] [SPEAKER_01]: walking you through it.

[00:10:28] [SPEAKER_01]: So if you're interested

[00:10:29] [SPEAKER_01]: and want to hear that,

[00:10:31] [SPEAKER_01]: I think it's only around

[00:10:31] [SPEAKER_01]: 10 minutes,

[00:10:32] [SPEAKER_01]: but I find that sort of practice

[00:10:34] [SPEAKER_01]: really helpful to relax,

[00:10:35] [SPEAKER_01]: which can be used

[00:10:36] [SPEAKER_01]: before bed.

[00:10:37] [SPEAKER_01]: You can find that audio

[00:10:38] [SPEAKER_01]: by searching for

[00:10:40] [SPEAKER_01]: NSDR,

[00:10:41] [SPEAKER_01]: Optimal Living Daily

[00:10:42] [SPEAKER_01]: in your podcast app.

[00:10:43] [SPEAKER_01]: And if you enjoy it

[00:10:44] [SPEAKER_01]: or want variations of it,

[00:10:46] [SPEAKER_01]: let me know.

[00:10:47] [SPEAKER_01]: But I'll leave it there

[00:10:48] [SPEAKER_01]: for now.

[00:10:48] [SPEAKER_01]: Have a great start

[00:10:49] [SPEAKER_01]: to your weekend

[00:10:50] [SPEAKER_01]: and I'll be back tomorrow

[00:10:51] [SPEAKER_01]: and over the weekend.

[00:10:52] [SPEAKER_01]: So I'll see you there

[00:10:53] [SPEAKER_01]: where your optimal life

[00:10:55] [SPEAKER_01]: awaits.