3356: Finding Patience For Life's Unanswered Questions AND Why Can't We Stay Positive by Allison Carmen

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[00:00:26] Before we start, please check out our new podcast Good Sleep. Have you ever noticed how a calm mind can really set the stage for a good night's sleep? That's the idea behind our new podcast Good Sleep. Greg, our host from Optimal Relationships Daily is here to help ease you into a peaceful night's rest with some positive affirmations. And these affirmations aren't just comforting, they can help ease anxiety and nurture positive thoughts, setting you up for true good sleep.

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[00:01:05] This is Optimal Living Daily. Finding patience for life's unanswered questions. And why can't we stay positive? Both by Allison Carman of AllisonCarman.com.

[00:01:17] And I'm Justin Malek, the guy that reads to you every single day of the year, including weekends and holidays, to help you live a more meaningful and positive life.

[00:01:24] Two posts today, both from Allison Carman. So let's get right to them as we optimize your life.

[00:01:34] Finding patience for life's unanswered questions by Allison Carman of AllisonCarman.com.

[00:01:41] Quote,

[00:01:43] Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language.

[00:01:53] Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you cannot live them.

[00:01:58] It is a question of experiencing everything. At present, you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it,

[00:02:08] find yourself experiencing the answer some distant day. From letters to a young poet.

[00:02:15] My client Linda has a small, local baking business. One day she called me so thrilled that a big supermarket chain expressed interest in some of her baked goods.

[00:02:25] Although she felt very excited, she also felt very overwhelmed.

[00:02:30] She's been baking in her home and selling locally for several years. Now she would need a commercial kitchen.

[00:02:37] We discussed some strategies and decided upon calling restaurants, churches, and temples to see if anybody would rent to her for 15 hours a week.

[00:02:46] She called many places, but couldn't find a place that would rent her their kitchen on a part-time basis.

[00:02:52] We spoke after she had made all of these calls and the excitement was gone from her voice.

[00:02:57] She told me she was thinking that this new venture was not such a good idea after all.

[00:03:03] She said that logistically it would never work, so she probably should just focus on her few clients and raising her family.

[00:03:10] We can all understand how easily the unanswered questions in Linda's life left her feeling uneasy and discouraged.

[00:03:18] Some of us feel discouraged because we can't find a new job or because nobody has recognized our work as an artist or writer.

[00:03:25] We can't find financing for a great business idea.

[00:03:29] These are meaningful goals in our lives and we tend to think the answer or opportunity should be right in front of our eyes in this moment.

[00:03:37] But in reality, when we have questions and no answers, often all that is needed is the time and space for resolution to occur.

[00:03:46] So how can we let go of the timelines we create in our minds for when things should happen and in what circumstances opportunities should arise?

[00:03:55] I always encourage my clients to rely on the idea of maybe.

[00:04:01] Maybe creates some space between ourselves and our fears about the unknown.

[00:04:06] It allows us to stay open and not jump into panic or a negative thought when a situation remains unresolved or we still haven't achieved our goals.

[00:04:15] In such times, remember, maybe everything can work out well.

[00:04:20] Maybe something else beneficial will happen.

[00:04:23] Or maybe we will be okay no matter what.

[00:04:26] Keeping our minds in maybe enables us to wait patiently in the present moment with hope.

[00:04:32] The unknown becomes less threatening when we think of it as filled with maybe.

[00:04:38] Recently, Linda found her commercial space and she says she learned so much from having tried and been turned down from so many different venues.

[00:04:46] Her experience of looking for a long time helped her figure out exactly what she needed and gave her the knowledge to negotiate a good deal.

[00:04:54] By sticking with the idea of maybe, Linda also learned that there are always new possibilities on the horizon even if she can't see them in the moment.

[00:05:04] Having an immediate answer is not always the best solution.

[00:05:09] Maybe experiencing the question will lead you to where you want to be.

[00:05:14] Just maybe.

[00:05:19] Why Can't We Stay Positive?

[00:05:21] By Alison Carman of alisoncarman.com

[00:05:25] I remember how I felt after reading Norman Vincent Peale's The Power of Positive Thinking.

[00:05:30] I was so inspired that I made a commitment to become a positive thinker.

[00:05:35] For days, I held on to my positive thinking so tightly.

[00:05:39] When a negative thought appeared, I forced it away with positive thoughts.

[00:05:43] I later learned that there was a problem with my new life philosophy.

[00:05:48] I realized that we can't push down a negative thought completely because it stays inside of us and festers and grows.

[00:05:56] In fact, after a few days of only permitting positive thoughts,

[00:06:00] I had a horrible nightmare in which many people that I loved died.

[00:06:04] I woke up petrified.

[00:06:06] And when I fell asleep again, I had the same dream.

[00:06:09] I never had the same dream twice in one night or a dream with so much negativity and loss.

[00:06:16] To this day, I believe these nightmares surfaced because I was not permitting my mind to be negative.

[00:06:22] I was suppressing my feelings and then the pressure became so great that my mind released a tremendous amount of negativity when I fell asleep and could not consciously control my thinking.

[00:06:34] At first, I was devastated that my positive thinking journey had failed.

[00:06:38] I still loved Peele's book, but I realized that anyone with a great fear of uncertainty would have trouble staying positive.

[00:06:46] For example, you start a business with shining dreams and aspirations.

[00:06:51] You feel so positive until sales are low, employees quit, or the economy staggers.

[00:06:58] And then you begin to worry.

[00:07:00] You worry that things won't get better.

[00:07:03] You worry that your dream is gone.

[00:07:05] You want to stay positive, but the present is terrifying.

[00:07:08] And based on that, your future seems bleak.

[00:07:12] Although some people can stay positive in such situations, those of us who fear uncertainty find it very hard to find hope in the unknown.

[00:07:21] When we don't know how things will work out or whether they will get better, we feel distraught and hopeless.

[00:07:26] When I found the philosophy of maybe, everything changed for me.

[00:07:32] I realized that every situation has multiple outcomes, and within those outcomes is the hope that whatever is happening, it can still lead to something good, or maybe my circumstances will improve.

[00:07:44] For me, it was the perfect combination.

[00:07:47] I could stay positive, but with maybe, I could accept and dilute my negative thoughts.

[00:07:54] Once I realized that life could unfold in infinite ways, I was no longer stuck in my negative projection of the future.

[00:08:01] I began to live with the continuous realization that maybe something else could happen other than that thing I feared most.

[00:08:09] Since embracing maybe, I'm now a much more effective, positive thinker.

[00:08:15] Negative thoughts hold no sway over me because I know they are just a limited view of all that can be.

[00:08:22] Try incorporating some maybe into your life.

[00:08:29] You just listened to the posts titled, Finding Patience for Life's Unanswered Questions, and Why Can't We Stay Positive?

[00:08:36] Both by Allison Carman of allisoncarman.com, and I'll be right back with my commentary.

[00:08:43] Thank you, Allison.

[00:08:44] She also has a podcast.

[00:08:45] It's called 10 Minutes to Less Suffering, so you can check that out.

[00:08:49] The second post gave me a good reminder about negativity and positivity.

[00:08:54] Forcefully banishing negative thoughts can hurt more than it helps.

[00:08:58] We don't hear this a lot because often what I'm reading to you talks about the power of positivity and gratitude.

[00:09:04] Even the practice of meditation, which I talk about a lot, can seem like a practice of suppression.

[00:09:11] But there is a nuance there and a fine line between letting things go gently and forcefully stopping yourself from experiencing something.

[00:09:21] This is also why I usually recommend learning meditation in a class or even working with guided meditations.

[00:09:27] Because if it's done from a place of negativity or unacceptance, there's a chance it will do more harm than good.

[00:09:36] And for Allison, the concept of maybe was the answer.

[00:09:40] And maybe it is for you too.

[00:09:42] You never know unless you try.

[00:09:43] I'll leave it there for the Tuesday show.

[00:09:45] Hope you're having a great week.

[00:09:47] And I'll be back tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.

[00:09:50] Hope you're having a great week.