3357: The Zen Dilemma by Mark Manson on Mindfulness & Self-Identity

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[00:00:38] [SPEAKER_00]: This is Optimal Living Daily, The Zen Dilemma by Mark Manson of markmanson.net. I'm your narrator Justin Malik. I read to you every day of the year from the best articles and blogs I can find, with permission from the authors of course.

[00:00:52] [SPEAKER_00]: It's all in an effort to make your and my days even a tiny bit better. So with that, let's get right to it as we optimize your life.

[00:01:05] [SPEAKER_00]: The Zen Dilemma by Mark Manson of markmanson.net.

[00:01:10] [SPEAKER_00]: I received an interesting email from a friend today. He just started getting into meditation and has bumped up against an issue a lot of people run into.

[00:01:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Quote,

[00:01:21] [SPEAKER_00]: I've been reading Eckhart Tolle's book on the power of now, and it's got me thinking about Zen philosophy again.

[00:01:27] [SPEAKER_00]: I heard that you used to practice meditation quite a bit, and I wanted to ask you about it.

[00:01:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Zen is contradictory to most of the philosophy I invest in, but it's unclear whether or not it has to be exclusive.

[00:01:40] [SPEAKER_00]: One struggle I have is the idea that ruminating in the past or future is detrimental to one's overall consciousness, even when it is positive.

[00:01:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Tolle says the idea of a future heaven creates a present hell.

[00:01:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Does attachment need to be taken to this extreme?

[00:02:00] [SPEAKER_00]: If I didn't think of the past or future, wouldn't I become an irresponsible person? End quote.

[00:02:06] [SPEAKER_00]: I started meditating when I was 16.

[00:02:09] [SPEAKER_00]: I got very into it and read a lot about spirituality and Eastern philosophy in high school and college.

[00:02:15] [SPEAKER_00]: I rarely talk or write about spiritual practices because I honestly believe that spiritual experiences are, by definition, unquantifiable and therefore exceedingly difficult to put into words.

[00:02:29] [SPEAKER_00]: They're also exceedingly personal, so I just rarely even bother going there.

[00:02:34] [SPEAKER_00]: With that said, this is a pretty common dilemma for people who are exposed to Zen and Eastern philosophy, that the idea of unattachment isn't exactly practical or even applicable in modern life.

[00:02:49] [SPEAKER_00]: You have to remember that a lot of these philosophies were developed thousands of years ago when there were far fewer demands and complexities in everyday life.

[00:02:58] [SPEAKER_00]: So the idea of going and sitting in a cave for nine years and staring at a wall wasn't exactly giving up a whole lot.

[00:03:05] [SPEAKER_00]: The usual sticking point for everyone is, if I'm supposed to be attached to nothing and desire nothing, how the hell do I get anything done?

[00:03:16] [SPEAKER_00]: How did Tolle write multiple 300-page books if he was completely unattached to the future?

[00:03:23] [SPEAKER_00]: Wouldn't you just stare and smile at the typewriter?

[00:03:26] [SPEAKER_00]: The problem comes with the explanation of attachment.

[00:03:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Many people take it as wanting or desiring anything.

[00:03:35] [SPEAKER_00]: This is where you get people living in communes, giving up their possessions, moving to Tibet and whatnot.

[00:03:41] [SPEAKER_00]: It's also the main reason I've never felt comfortable in any spiritual community I've found because I think they commit the same foul just in the opposite direction.

[00:03:50] [SPEAKER_00]: The catch is that actively being unattached to things is still being attached to something.

[00:03:57] [SPEAKER_00]: You're attached to being unattached.

[00:04:01] [SPEAKER_00]: Actively desiring to be desireless is still a desire.

[00:04:05] [SPEAKER_00]: Letting go of a thought, that's still a thought.

[00:04:09] [SPEAKER_00]: Surrendering to a feeling is still a feeling.

[00:04:12] [SPEAKER_00]: I think most smart people who are turned off by Eastern philosophy at first glance intuitively recognize this.

[00:04:19] [SPEAKER_00]: And rightly so.

[00:04:21] [SPEAKER_00]: By that definition of desire and attachment, you're screwed if you do and screwed if you don't.

[00:04:27] [SPEAKER_00]: A more proper explanation would be that it refers not to just something that you want or desire, but rather to things you are afraid to lose.

[00:04:37] [SPEAKER_00]: In life, everything is lost.

[00:04:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Everything.

[00:04:41] [SPEAKER_00]: At some point, everything goes away.

[00:04:44] [SPEAKER_00]: Therefore, to have anything at all, we must be willing to accommodate that loss.

[00:04:50] [SPEAKER_00]: You know that saying, you can't truly have something until you're willing to lose it?

[00:04:54] [SPEAKER_00]: It's like that.

[00:04:56] [SPEAKER_00]: It's not about doing or not doing.

[00:04:58] [SPEAKER_00]: It's all about how much of your sense of self, your identity, is attached to the outcome of what you do or don't do.

[00:05:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Being present isn't ignoring the past or future.

[00:05:10] [SPEAKER_00]: That's impossible, actually, because the act of thinking about a past or a future is actually taking place in the present.

[00:05:17] [SPEAKER_00]: It's impossible to not be present.

[00:05:20] [SPEAKER_00]: What changes is how you identify yourself.

[00:05:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Or rather, how you identify your self with a capital S.

[00:05:28] [SPEAKER_00]: It's about widening your perspective, expanding what you identify to be a potential part of you.

[00:05:36] [SPEAKER_00]: Recognizing that you have such little control and little knowledge of, well, anything in the world,

[00:05:42] [SPEAKER_00]: that you might as well let go and be humble about it.

[00:05:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Have your career goals, thoughts and ideas, your hopes and dreams,

[00:05:50] [SPEAKER_00]: but don't attach the self to it in such a way that you'll suffer if you don't achieve them.

[00:05:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Remember what's happened to you and enjoy your memories, but don't base your identity on it.

[00:06:01] [SPEAKER_00]: Obviously, this is all easier said than done.

[00:06:04] [SPEAKER_00]: The way I explain it is recognizing that it's all just a game that we're playing.

[00:06:09] [SPEAKER_00]: A game is called life.

[00:06:11] [SPEAKER_00]: I don't mean in the business climb the ladder analogy,

[00:06:14] [SPEAKER_00]: but in the fact that ultimately everything we are and do,

[00:06:17] [SPEAKER_00]: it's just a cosmic interplay between seemingly separate manifestations of consciousness.

[00:06:23] [SPEAKER_00]: Most people never realize it's a game.

[00:06:27] [SPEAKER_00]: As a result, they're slaves to the ebbs and flows of what's played.

[00:06:31] [SPEAKER_00]: But there are people who slowly realize that it's just a game.

[00:06:36] [SPEAKER_00]: Some of these people find out by refusing to play.

[00:06:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Some find out by simply stopping and paying attention.

[00:06:42] [SPEAKER_00]: Some find out by almost being removed from the game.

[00:06:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Some realize it by watching others being removed before their eyes.

[00:06:51] [SPEAKER_00]: But in the end, for whatever reason, they realize it's just a game.

[00:06:56] [SPEAKER_00]: And because it's just a game, they have no reason to be worried or afraid ever

[00:07:00] [SPEAKER_00]: because it's just a game.

[00:07:03] [SPEAKER_00]: And whoever wins or loses doesn't matter because

[00:07:06] [SPEAKER_00]: it's just going to start all over again.

[00:07:13] [SPEAKER_00]: You just listened to the post titled,

[00:07:15] [SPEAKER_00]: The Zen Dilemma by Mark Manson of markmanson.net.

[00:07:19] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'll be right back with my commentary.

[00:07:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you to Mark.

[00:07:22] [SPEAKER_00]: I've spent a lot of time, maybe too much time if that's possible,

[00:07:26] [SPEAKER_00]: meditating, trying to get my mind to quiet down and appreciate the now.

[00:07:31] [SPEAKER_00]: And back when I first started meditating,

[00:07:33] [SPEAKER_00]: I had the same question as Mark's reader.

[00:07:36] [SPEAKER_00]: How can we always be present and be in the now?

[00:07:39] [SPEAKER_00]: And with lots of meditation and classes and everything,

[00:07:43] [SPEAKER_00]: for me, I've realized that that's just all or nothing thinking and skepticism,

[00:07:49] [SPEAKER_00]: trying to be too logical about something and missing the point.

[00:07:53] [SPEAKER_00]: I think the thing is, most of us probably aren't present enough.

[00:07:58] [SPEAKER_00]: That doesn't mean we need to be present all the time.

[00:08:01] [SPEAKER_00]: Or like Mark said, maybe we already are anyway,

[00:08:04] [SPEAKER_00]: because even if we're thinking about the past or future,

[00:08:06] [SPEAKER_00]: we are doing that in the present.

[00:08:09] [SPEAKER_00]: But for me, it's more about awareness and not being on autopilot.

[00:08:15] [SPEAKER_00]: Our minds are incredibly powerful.

[00:08:17] [SPEAKER_00]: And we're pretty much always thinking whether we realize it or not.

[00:08:22] [SPEAKER_00]: And to me, that's the key.

[00:08:23] [SPEAKER_00]: Are we actually aware of the rabbit hole of thought that we're in,

[00:08:28] [SPEAKER_00]: especially when it's negative?

[00:08:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Do we want to be in that rabbit hole?

[00:08:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Or can we catch ourselves in it and gently realize that these thoughts are not helping and move on?

[00:08:39] [SPEAKER_00]: For me, all this came after years of meditating.

[00:08:42] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm happy it did because I do think I'm more likely now to let things pass that aren't helping at best.

[00:08:49] [SPEAKER_00]: So, it is a common question, but I'm glad Mark addressed it.

[00:08:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Hopefully a beneficial one for you too.

[00:08:55] [SPEAKER_00]: And with that, wishing you a great rest of your day.

[00:08:58] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'll see you tomorrow, where your optimal life awaits.

[00:09:02] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'll see you tomorrow, where your optimal life awaits.