3363: Jealousy Is a Wasted Emotion AND Why Is My Phone About to Die by Joshua Fields Millburn of The Minimalists

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Before we start, please check out our new podcast, Good Sleep. Have you ever noticed how a calm mind can really set the stage for a good night's sleep? That's the idea behind our new podcast, Good Sleep. Greg, our host from Optimal Relationships Daily, is here to help ease you into a peaceful night's rest with some positive affirmations. And these affirmations aren't just comforting, they can help ease anxiety and nurture positive thoughts, setting you up for true good sleep.

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[00:00:38] [SPEAKER_00]: It's a Minimalist Monday edition of Optimal Living Daily. Jealousy is a Wasted Emotion AND Why Is My Phone About to Die? Both by Joshua Fields Millburn of TheMinimalists.com and I'm your very own personal narrator, Justin Malik, reading to you from amazing blogs and books.

[00:00:55] [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes in the hopes that you'll benefit by listening to something positive every single day. I feel like I've benefited greatly from reading an article to you and it makes it so much better knowing that you're there listening along with me. So thank you for that.

[00:01:09] [SPEAKER_00]: And thank you to the authors who let me do this. Today's author is Josh of The Minimalists. Got two posts today from him, so let's get right to them as we optimize your life.

[00:01:22] [SPEAKER_00]: Jealousy is a Wasted Emotion by Joshua Fields Millburn of TheMinimalists.com

[00:01:28] [SPEAKER_00]: We all get jealous, don't we? Actually, no, not everyone experiences jealousy as an emotion. I don't get jealous. It's true, I don't experience jealousy as an emotion.

[00:01:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I experience sadness, happiness, anger, euphoria, and a plethora of other emotions, but not jealousy.

[00:01:47] [SPEAKER_00]: Why? Because unlike many emotions, we can choose to not experience jealousy.

[00:01:54] [SPEAKER_00]: After years of observing people getting jealous in myriad ways, I understand that our culture is riddled with jealousy, envy, and greed,

[00:02:03] [SPEAKER_00]: all of which are byproducts of our competitive, consumer-driven culture.

[00:02:07] [SPEAKER_00]: What's worse is that it's far more pernicious than we think.

[00:02:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Competition breeds jealousy, though we often give it prettier labels like competitive spirit, or stick-to-itiveness, or ambition.

[00:02:20] [SPEAKER_00]: But the truth is that jealousy leads to certain cultural imperatives, what we commonly refer to as keeping up with the Joneses.

[00:02:28] [SPEAKER_00]: Thus, we envy Mr. and Mrs. Jones for their money, and large house, and luxury cars, and big boat, and weekend retreat, and fancy vacations, and all the trappings of our heavily-mediated society.

[00:02:41] [SPEAKER_00]: But of course, we don't get jealous solely over material possessions.

[00:02:45] [SPEAKER_00]: We also get jealous over our relationships.

[00:02:47] [SPEAKER_00]: We think our friends don't spend enough time with us.

[00:02:50] [SPEAKER_00]: Our lovers don't care about us as much as they should.

[00:02:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Our customers aren't loyal enough.

[00:02:55] [SPEAKER_00]: It all revolves around us.

[00:02:56] [SPEAKER_00]: He doesn't spend enough time with me.

[00:02:59] [SPEAKER_00]: She doesn't care enough about me.

[00:03:02] [SPEAKER_00]: We think this way because it's hard to back away from ourselves.

[00:03:05] [SPEAKER_00]: It's hard to realize I am not the center of the universe.

[00:03:08] [SPEAKER_00]: There is good news, though.

[00:03:09] [SPEAKER_00]: Like our televisions, we can choose to turn it off.

[00:03:12] [SPEAKER_00]: We can choose to remove jealousy from our emotional arsenal.

[00:03:16] [SPEAKER_00]: And like TV, it's not always easy to turn off.

[00:03:19] [SPEAKER_00]: It sure seems interesting sometimes, doesn't it?

[00:03:21] [SPEAKER_00]: But turning off jealousy can significantly improve one's emotional health.

[00:03:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Because at the end of the day, jealousy is never useful.

[00:03:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Many negative emotions can be useful.

[00:03:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Pain tells us something is wrong.

[00:03:33] [SPEAKER_00]: Fear tells us to look before we leap.

[00:03:36] [SPEAKER_00]: But jealousy, no matter how jealous we get, will never help.

[00:03:40] [SPEAKER_00]: But how?

[00:03:42] [SPEAKER_00]: The easiest way to turn jealousy off is to stop questioning other people's intentions.

[00:03:46] [SPEAKER_00]: We often get jealous because we think a person meant one thing by their actions when they meant something totally different.

[00:03:52] [SPEAKER_00]: And the truth is that you'll never know someone's real intent, so it's a waste of time to question it.

[00:03:58] [SPEAKER_00]: If you're struggling with questioning someone's intent, you can do one of two things.

[00:04:02] [SPEAKER_00]: Ask them what they meant by their actions or words.

[00:04:05] [SPEAKER_00]: Or accept that you will never know their true intent, no matter how much you question it.

[00:04:10] [SPEAKER_00]: The bottom line with jealousy, you can turn it off.

[00:04:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Jealousy is ugly.

[00:04:15] [SPEAKER_00]: It is never a way to express weak hair.

[00:04:17] [SPEAKER_00]: It's only a channel through which we broadcast our insecurities.

[00:04:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Let it go.

[00:04:21] [SPEAKER_00]: A better life is waiting on the other side of jealousy.

[00:04:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Why is my phone about to die?

[00:04:31] [SPEAKER_00]: By Joshua Fields Milburn of TheMinimalists.com

[00:04:35] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm seated in a rocking chair at Dean International Airport, flight delayed,

[00:04:39] [SPEAKER_00]: thumbing through tweets, photos, and various bits of miscellanea on the device in my palm

[00:04:43] [SPEAKER_00]: while I wait to find out whether my next flight will be cancelled.

[00:04:47] [SPEAKER_00]: Everyone around me seems to be doing the same thing.

[00:04:49] [SPEAKER_00]: We are a sea of people lost in the mesmerizing glow of our screens, alone together.

[00:04:54] [SPEAKER_00]: Suddenly, an ominous red bar interrupts my handheld activities, accompanied by a warning.

[00:04:59] [SPEAKER_00]: Low battery.

[00:05:00] [SPEAKER_00]: My first reaction?

[00:05:02] [SPEAKER_00]: Frustration, irritation, annoyance.

[00:05:05] [SPEAKER_00]: Why the hell is my phone about to die?

[00:05:07] [SPEAKER_00]: I can't believe this stupid freaking thing.

[00:05:09] [SPEAKER_00]: Of course, I've been pacifying myself for the last hour or two, frantically fiddling with

[00:05:14] [SPEAKER_00]: the touchscreen, hopping from icon to icon, searching for the next ephemeral rush of dopamine.

[00:05:19] [SPEAKER_00]: My behavior?

[00:05:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Reactionary and impulsive, and the opposite of mindful.

[00:05:24] [SPEAKER_00]: These activities, when done in excess, are as meaningless as channel surfing, resulting

[00:05:28] [SPEAKER_00]: in an endless amount of low-level anxiety.

[00:05:31] [SPEAKER_00]: A sort of post-modern itch, not unlike that of a heroin addict as he stumbles through a

[00:05:36] [SPEAKER_00]: withdrawal.

[00:05:37] [SPEAKER_00]: But it's not my phone's fault.

[00:05:39] [SPEAKER_00]: It's mine.

[00:05:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Rarely does the blame belong to the material thing itself.

[00:05:43] [SPEAKER_00]: The stuff is not the problem.

[00:05:46] [SPEAKER_00]: We are.

[00:05:47] [SPEAKER_00]: Realizing this, I set down the phone and breathe in the world around me.

[00:05:51] [SPEAKER_00]: But only after sending one final tweet.

[00:05:54] [SPEAKER_00]: If your phone is constantly about to die, then maybe it's not the phone that has a problem.

[00:05:59] [SPEAKER_00]: You just listened to the post titled,

[00:06:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Jealousy is a wasted emotion.

[00:06:08] [SPEAKER_00]: And, why is my phone about to die?

[00:06:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Both by Joshua Fields Milburn of theminimalists.com.

[00:06:14] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'll be right back with my commentary.

[00:06:17] [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you to Joshua.

[00:06:18] [SPEAKER_00]: The Minimalists have a couple of documentaries on Netflix that you can check out.

[00:06:22] [SPEAKER_00]: I would think the average person does experience jealousy, at least to some degree.

[00:06:28] [SPEAKER_00]: And we've probably accepted that jealousy is just a normal part of life.

[00:06:32] [SPEAKER_00]: We see it everywhere.

[00:06:34] [SPEAKER_00]: In our relationships, at work, even just scrolling through social media.

[00:06:39] [SPEAKER_00]: It's like it's human nature.

[00:06:40] [SPEAKER_00]: And I can't say if it is or isn't, but the truth is that it's based on our own thoughts,

[00:06:46] [SPEAKER_00]: which are certainly within our control.

[00:06:49] [SPEAKER_00]: Every thought we have truly is a choice.

[00:06:53] [SPEAKER_00]: And when we start seeing it that way,

[00:06:55] [SPEAKER_00]: we get more options into how we feel most of the time.

[00:06:58] [SPEAKER_00]: And like Josh mentioned, what we're seeing has an impact too.

[00:07:03] [SPEAKER_00]: If we're constantly scrolling on social media,

[00:07:06] [SPEAKER_00]: doom scrolling, I think they call it,

[00:07:07] [SPEAKER_00]: there's a decent chance we'll get caught up in some kind of negative thought pattern.

[00:07:13] [SPEAKER_00]: So it's two choices really, what we're doing with our time,

[00:07:16] [SPEAKER_00]: but also what we're thinking in the moment.

[00:07:19] [SPEAKER_00]: And it's up to us to make better decisions for the sake of our own happiness.

[00:07:24] [SPEAKER_00]: So make those better decisions today and this week.

[00:07:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for being here with me and listening every day.

[00:07:30] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'll be back tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.

[00:07:33] [SPEAKER_00]: I'll be back tomorrow.

[00:07:34] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'll be back tomorrow.

[00:07:34] [SPEAKER_00]: I'll be back tomorrow.

[00:07:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.