3373: Everything Is My Fault AND I Love Being Wrong by Derek Sivers on Personal Responsibility & Self Help

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_00]: This is Optimal Living Daily. Everything is my fault and I love being wrong, both by Derek Sivers of Sivers, that's S-I-V-E dot R-S, and I'm Justin Malik.

[00:00:13] [SPEAKER_00]: Happy middle of the week Wednesday and welcome to Optimal Living Daily or Old, one of a few shows where we read articles to you.

[00:00:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Today two articles actually, so with that, let's get right to them as we optimize your life.

[00:00:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Everything Is My Fault by Derek Sivers of Sivers, S-I-V-E dot R-S.

[00:00:38] [SPEAKER_00]: I used to get mad at people. They lied. They betrayed me. They disappeared.

[00:00:44] [SPEAKER_00]: Do you hear the pattern? They this, they that.

[00:00:48] [SPEAKER_00]: When someone upsets you, it's human nature to feel it's their fault.

[00:00:52] [SPEAKER_00]: But one day, I tried thinking of everything as my fault.

[00:00:56] [SPEAKER_00]: I created the environment that made them feel they had to lie.

[00:01:00] [SPEAKER_00]: I mistook their neutral behavior as betrayal.

[00:01:04] [SPEAKER_00]: I made it more appealing for them to disappear than to communicate.

[00:01:09] [SPEAKER_00]: It felt so good to think it was all my fault.

[00:01:12] [SPEAKER_00]: This is way better than forgiving.

[00:01:14] [SPEAKER_00]: When you forgive, you're still assuming that they're wrong and you're the victim.

[00:01:19] [SPEAKER_00]: But to decide it's your fault feels amazing.

[00:01:23] [SPEAKER_00]: Now you weren't wronged.

[00:01:25] [SPEAKER_00]: People were just playing their part in the situation you helped create.

[00:01:29] [SPEAKER_00]: What power.

[00:01:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Now you're the person who made things happen, made a mistake, and can learn from it.

[00:01:37] [SPEAKER_00]: Now you're in control and there's nothing to complain about.

[00:01:40] [SPEAKER_00]: This philosophy feels so good that I've playfully decided to apply this rule to the rest of my life.

[00:01:46] [SPEAKER_00]: As soon as I catch myself blaming anyone for anything, I decide it's my fault.

[00:01:53] [SPEAKER_00]: The guy who ran away with my investment?

[00:01:56] [SPEAKER_00]: My fault.

[00:01:57] [SPEAKER_00]: I should have verified his claims.

[00:01:59] [SPEAKER_00]: The love of my life who suddenly dumped me?

[00:02:02] [SPEAKER_00]: My fault.

[00:02:03] [SPEAKER_00]: I let our relationship plateau.

[00:02:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Don't like my government?

[00:02:07] [SPEAKER_00]: My fault.

[00:02:08] [SPEAKER_00]: I could get involved and change it.

[00:02:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Doesn't that feel more powerful?

[00:02:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Try it.

[00:02:15] [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe instead of fault, you prefer the word responsibility, but the idea is the same.

[00:02:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Think of every bad thing that happened to you and imagine that you happened to it.

[00:02:31] [SPEAKER_00]: I love being wrong by Derek Sivers of Sivers.

[00:02:35] [SPEAKER_00]: Most of the time I feel smart, successful, and driven.

[00:02:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Like I've got it all figured out.

[00:02:41] [SPEAKER_00]: But last month, a bunch of stuff knocked me on my ass.

[00:02:46] [SPEAKER_00]: I've never felt so wrong.

[00:02:48] [SPEAKER_00]: I vulnerably called on friends for help.

[00:02:50] [SPEAKER_00]: They gave me a bunch of good advice and helped me see things from a new point of view.

[00:02:55] [SPEAKER_00]: Each different perspective made me feel good for a while.

[00:02:59] [SPEAKER_00]: Then I fell back into the whirlpool of destructive thoughts.

[00:03:03] [SPEAKER_00]: Whenever something has gone wrong in my life, I've asked myself, what's great about this?

[00:03:09] [SPEAKER_00]: Usually I find an answer, but this time my only answer was nothing.

[00:03:13] [SPEAKER_00]: This just sucks.

[00:03:14] [SPEAKER_00]: I tried asking it again every day or two, but the answer was the same.

[00:03:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Eventually, I had an epiphany.

[00:03:22] [SPEAKER_00]: I actually love being wrong, even though it cracks my confidence, because that's the only time I learn.

[00:03:30] [SPEAKER_00]: I actually love being lost, even though it fuels fears, because that's when I go somewhere unexpected.

[00:03:38] [SPEAKER_00]: I pursue being wrong and lost in small doses.

[00:03:42] [SPEAKER_00]: I love little lessons that surprise my expectations and change my mind.

[00:03:46] [SPEAKER_00]: If we're not surprised, we're not learning.

[00:03:50] [SPEAKER_00]: So I finally figured out what's great about this.

[00:03:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Getting knocked on my ass made me humble as hell.

[00:03:57] [SPEAKER_00]: It had been years since I'd called for help.

[00:03:59] [SPEAKER_00]: It had been years since I was so open to advice.

[00:04:03] [SPEAKER_00]: I smiled, thinking of how much I'd learned from my friends this past month.

[00:04:08] [SPEAKER_00]: I realized how ultimately happy it makes me to be so empty, even if it really hurts at first.

[00:04:15] [SPEAKER_00]: It's better than thinking, I've got it all figured out.

[00:04:23] [SPEAKER_00]: You just listened to the posts titled, Everything is My Fault, and I Love Being Wrong, both by Derek Sivers of Sivers, that's S-I-V-E dot R-S.

[00:04:35] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'll be right back with my commentary.

[00:04:37] [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you to Derek.

[00:04:39] [SPEAKER_00]: A little secret is that I've narrated these before, but it was back somewhere around episode 100, like eight plus years ago.

[00:04:46] [SPEAKER_00]: So I'd be shocked if you remember it, or have been listening that long in the first place.

[00:04:51] [SPEAKER_00]: If you have been listening that long, do let me know, because that would be amazing.

[00:04:55] [SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, back to the posts.

[00:04:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Both of these are really simple ideas, but not easy.

[00:05:01] [SPEAKER_00]: Both are basically shifts in mindset, and how or what we're thinking when things don't go like we'd want them to.

[00:05:09] [SPEAKER_00]: When things aren't going well, and we get ourselves in a spiral of negative thoughts,

[00:05:14] [SPEAKER_00]: thinking, everything is my fault, or what's the silver lining here, or what's great about this moment,

[00:05:22] [SPEAKER_00]: is really, really difficult and takes practice.

[00:05:25] [SPEAKER_00]: But I do think it can be done, especially with smaller things early on.

[00:05:30] [SPEAKER_00]: So, for instance, maybe you get cut off in traffic.

[00:05:34] [SPEAKER_00]: You can blame yourself and say maybe you were following the car in front of you too closely.

[00:05:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Or, what's the silver lining?

[00:05:41] [SPEAKER_00]: Well, you just got practice at avoiding an accident.

[00:05:44] [SPEAKER_00]: And you actually did avoid an accident.

[00:05:47] [SPEAKER_00]: Those can be seen as great things.

[00:05:50] [SPEAKER_00]: So doing that for something smaller might change your perspective,

[00:05:54] [SPEAKER_00]: but then the more you do it, the more likely you can have a positive twist on bigger issues in your life.

[00:06:00] [SPEAKER_00]: So hopefully you found these posts helpful, and I hope you're having a great middle of the week.

[00:06:05] [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for being here.

[00:06:06] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'll see you tomorrow where your optimal life.

[00:06:09] [SPEAKER_00]: No weights.

[00:06:09] [SPEAKER_00]: No weights.

[00:06:09] No weights.

[00:06:09] So, it they gave you weight.

[00:06:10] A giant 25 bar.

[00:06:10] And OK with the light side when you make some noise.

[00:06:10] or makeibi evidence for�� YEARS.

[00:06:10] The small**** LEA satellite version,

[00:06:10] Thank you.