3376: [Part 2] Who's Really Got Your Back? by Melani Schweder of A Brighter Wild on Healthy Relationships

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Living Daily, Who's Really Got Your Back? Part 2 by Melani Schweder of A Brighter Wild dot com and I'm Justin Malik.

[00:00:09] Happy Saturday, welcome back or welcome for the first time if you're new here. This is where I read to you like a big ongoing audio book but from many different authors and a different article every day.

[00:00:21] Except when it's a continuation from the day before which is the case today. I'd recommend listening to yesterday's episode first.

[00:00:28] But if you're all caught up let's get right to part 2 and continue optimizing your life.

[00:00:37] Who's Really Got Your Back? Part 2 by Melani Schweder of A Brighter Wild dot com.

[00:00:44] So how do you even start identifying and attracting your tribe? Here's an easy little exercise to get you going.

[00:00:51] Begin with the first person that pops into your head and work from there. Just trust your intuition to guide you through your social circle.

[00:00:58] And ask yourself these questions. Does my relationship with this person suck away more energy than it provides?

[00:01:07] Do I find myself acting in ways that are not in line with my authentic self when I'm around this person?

[00:01:13] Do I find myself shouldering the majority of the work in maintaining this relationship?

[00:01:18] Does this person listen and value my beliefs and opinions or are they constantly trying to substitute their own?

[00:01:26] Do I leave my interactions with this person with a feeling of satisfaction, lightness, and a sense of deepened closeness?

[00:01:34] Some of the names and faces in your life may be a cinch to categorize.

[00:01:38] The answers to these questions may be crystal clear and direct you to an easy yes or no when deciding to keep them in your life.

[00:01:46] But for most, the water is a bit more muddy.

[00:01:49] You may have to replay many interactions over the years and perhaps reflect on how you both have changed since you first met.

[00:01:57] You may need to meditate for a while or journal on some of your most tangled and complicated relationships,

[00:02:04] but the true answers will always find their way to the surface.

[00:02:08] I find it to be helpful to do this exercise before meeting someone, whether they're a long-time friend or still new.

[00:02:15] Having these questions sitting in the back of your mind can help reframe your interaction

[00:02:19] and can sometimes provide clues to where you should be headed.

[00:02:24] But don't think of it as a laundry list to be checked off.

[00:02:27] Remember, we all have good days and bad days, and it can take some time to realize if someone is really on your team or not.

[00:02:33] And again, some people in your life may very clearly lie on one side or the other, but for everyone else,

[00:02:41] use these questions to pique your awareness whenever you're around each other.

[00:02:45] When you deal with something like chronic fatigue, cancer, MS, or fibromyalgia,

[00:02:52] you only have so much energy to give every day.

[00:02:55] So weaning yourself off toxic or taxing relationships is an important aspect of self-care.

[00:03:01] Bonus points if you're also an introvert like me and have to work extra hard to not drain yourself with unnecessary social interactions.

[00:03:09] Think about quality over quantity here, my friends.

[00:03:13] Would you rather give your precious water and sunshine to a handful of gorgeous, colorful plants

[00:03:19] than spread it among an entire garden of spindly, wilting ones?

[00:03:23] Here's an important note though, before we go any further.

[00:03:26] This is not an opportunity to indulge in selfishness, as some people tend to do when confronted with anything challenging.

[00:03:34] It can be easy, especially in the throes of serious illness, divorce, or job loss,

[00:03:39] to turn all the attention in on ourselves and start viewing our relationships with others in the context of how they can serve me.

[00:03:48] Beware, this is a highly toxic thing, and some people never recover their compassionate worldview after a tragic event or trauma.

[00:03:56] I'm sure you've met at least one of these individuals.

[00:03:59] Which is such a loss for them and everyone around them.

[00:04:03] So I invite you to sit back and re-sift through those names you just thought about in the previous exercise.

[00:04:10] With each person, now ask yourself a different set of questions.

[00:04:15] Do I tend to monopolize our conversations with my illness and personal problems?

[00:04:21] Do I tend to view my own challenges as more important than theirs?

[00:04:24] Is this person struggling with something major right now, and how have I been supportive of them?

[00:04:30] Do I genuinely listen and hold space for this person?

[00:04:34] Or do I tend to interject my opinions and advice on a regular basis?

[00:04:38] Do I make a concerted effort to reach out to this person?

[00:04:42] Or do I tend to wait for them to initiate contact?

[00:04:45] How must it feel for this person to have me in their life?

[00:04:49] Not so easy this time, was it?

[00:04:51] That's because we are so often wrapped up in our own experiences and perceptions,

[00:04:56] and too quick to shift blame to a more comfortable place on others.

[00:05:00] This set of questions is really designed to incite mindfulness

[00:05:04] when you're interacting with a friend or loved one,

[00:05:06] and can sometimes give clear pointers to why maybe your relationship has been fading,

[00:05:12] or why things have been feeling strained.

[00:05:14] And with the right dynamic, these can be a great way to ease into a conversation about

[00:05:19] how to repair or strengthen a valuable friendship.

[00:05:23] You'd be surprised how receptive people are when you let yourself be vulnerable and flawed.

[00:05:28] All relationships are built on a give and take over time between two equals.

[00:05:35] Most that are built on imbalances of time, effort, or worthiness tend to fade out or sometimes crash and burn.

[00:05:44] Patience and remaining true to your authentic self are two surefire ways to attract more equal and nourishing relationships into your life,

[00:05:53] no matter your circumstances.

[00:05:55] Take some time this week to reevaluate your relationships and clarify those that are healing and opening and grounding for you.

[00:06:05] Go through these exercises as many times as you'd like and cultivate some quiet so you can better hear your intuitive voice.

[00:06:12] Maybe reach out to a few people and try to mend things, or if you feel like it's time, cut ties with someone who has been dragging you down.

[00:06:21] There's never been a better time to find your tribe.

[00:06:25] After all, none of us should go on our healing adventures alone.

[00:06:33] You just listened to part two of the post titled,

[00:06:36] Who's Really Got Your Back? by Melanie Schwader of abrighterwild.com.

[00:06:40] And I'll be right back with my commentary.

[00:06:43] Thank you again to Melanie.

[00:06:45] As she said, some of these questions can be really tough.

[00:06:48] And it's true, I'm sure we both have people in our lives who drain more energy than they give.

[00:06:54] Or relationships where we're always the one putting in all the effort.

[00:06:58] I know I've felt that personally and some friendships have been put to the side for that exact reason.

[00:07:04] And again, like I mentioned yesterday, this isn't just about chronic illness.

[00:07:08] No matter your case, these questions can be eye-opening.

[00:07:12] And just as important, I think, is our own behavior.

[00:07:15] So I'm glad she brought that up.

[00:07:16] Are we genuinely listening to others?

[00:07:19] Which might just be the most important part in these kinds of relationships.

[00:07:23] So maybe today we can all take a moment to think about our relationships.

[00:07:27] Maybe we can try asking ourselves some of these questions.

[00:07:30] And hey, if we find that some of our relationships need a little work, that's okay.

[00:07:35] It's all part of the journey, right?

[00:07:37] If you're feeling a bit overwhelmed by this whole process, just remember it's not about perfection.

[00:07:42] It's about progress.

[00:07:43] Even just being more aware of our interactions can be a big step forward.

[00:07:48] So thank you again to Melanie for this one.

[00:07:50] And thank you for being here every day, including the weekends.

[00:07:53] It means a lot.

[00:07:54] And an extra thank you if you've ever shared this podcast with someone else.

[00:07:57] It's a huge help to keep this going.

[00:07:59] Have a great weekend and I'll be back tomorrow as usual.

[00:08:01] Where your optimal life awaits.