3377: The Art of Handling Criticism Gracefully by Leo Babauta of Zen Habits on Composure & Grace

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[00:00:24] This is Optimal Living Daily, The Art of Handling Criticism Gracefully by Leo Babauta of ZenHabits.net and I'm Justin Malik.

[00:00:36] Welcome back to a Sunday bonus episode where I give you a little extra content from a podcast in our Optimal Network that I think will also help you live a life that's a bit more meaningful.

[00:00:46] And today's episode is coming from Optimal Relationships Daily. So without further ado, here's Greg with another post as we optimize your life.

[00:00:59] The Art of Handling Criticism Gracefully by Leo Babauta of ZenHabits.net

[00:01:06] If you're going to do anything interesting in this world, criticism is an unavoidable fact.

[00:01:11] You will be criticized because you'll make mistakes, because some will be jealous, because people have opinions about anything interesting, because people want to help you, because some want to drag down those doing anything different.

[00:01:23] The trick to navigating the icebergs of criticism is to figure out which are helpful and steer clear of those that aren't. And above all, do it with grace.

[00:01:35] Criticism on ZenHabits

[00:01:37] Once ZenHabits started to take off, I had 26,000 subscribers at the end of my first year in 2007.

[00:01:43] I received all kinds of criticism. Many of them were from new readers, who were mostly incredibly positive and encouraging, but who sometimes would leave scathing comments on a post.

[00:01:54] I learned a tactic that worked extremely well. If a comment was mean, I'd take a minute to calm myself down, and then ask, does this person have a point, despite their rude tone?

[00:02:07] Then, I would respond, and thank the commenter for his criticism. I'd acknowledge their point without being defensive. I'd respond with my reasoning, if I felt I had a point, or if the critic was right, I would agree with him, and then let him know I was going to change things.

[00:02:22] Either way, I was grateful for their criticism.

[00:02:26] This had a startling effect. The commenter would often respond very positively.

[00:02:32] Thanking the commenter and acknowledging their point is disarming. People who leave rude comments don't expect you to listen to them, much less be grateful and empathetic.

[00:02:42] I had many of my critics become friends after doing that. I have never seen a tactic have better results.

[00:02:48] I'd also get criticism from other sites. My usual response has been to ask myself, again, after calming down, does this person have a point?

[00:02:58] If they do, I'll see what I can do to change. If not, I'll move on.

[00:03:04] I've learned that criticism is a fact of the game. I can respond with anger, or let it stop me from doing things, or I can let it help me, or accept that it's there and move on.

[00:03:14] I choose the last two. How not to handle criticism.

[00:03:19] Criticism can bring you down if you let it. People get discouraged when faced with criticism and just give up. That can be understandable.

[00:03:27] But why let the words of someone having a bad day, or month, stop you from doing something great?

[00:03:33] What would have happened if Shakespeare had stopped writing the first time an audience member jeered one of his lines?

[00:03:38] Or if Gandhi had given up just because the Brits weren't happy with his ways?

[00:03:43] Often people will instead respond to criticism with anger.

[00:03:46] They'll lash out, attack, become defensive and aggressive.

[00:03:50] This is how not to respond to criticism. It was the worst way to react.

[00:03:56] If you're angry, you do not insult people. You do not attack them, blame them for your mistakes, deny that you made any mistakes,

[00:04:04] and feed fuel to the fire by compounding your mistakes with more mistakes.

[00:04:08] It would be so much better to just stay silent.

[00:04:12] Do amazing things.

[00:04:15] Don't let criticism stop you from doing anything.

[00:04:18] If someone tells you that your writing sucks, keep doing it. Make it better.

[00:04:23] Study people who do it well and rip them off.

[00:04:25] Then make it your own and let your voice infuse what you do.

[00:04:28] Be great by being honest.

[00:04:30] By seeking the truth and telling that truth when no one else will.

[00:04:35] Create amazing things.

[00:04:37] Contribute to the world.

[00:04:38] Make the version of the world you want to see.

[00:04:41] Go out and do something different.

[00:04:43] Don't do things just because everyone else does them.

[00:04:46] Here's a secret.

[00:04:47] If you find yourself swimming along all the other fishes, swim the other way.

[00:04:52] They don't know where they're going either.

[00:04:54] Do something amazing and share it with the world.

[00:04:58] Criticism can be necessary.

[00:05:00] But often, it's just dragging down the people trying to do amazing things.

[00:05:04] Don't let it stop you.

[00:05:07] How to handle it gracefully.

[00:05:08] Calm yourself down before responding.

[00:05:11] Always.

[00:05:12] Responding to a critic in anger is never, ever, ever a good idea.

[00:05:18] In case I didn't make that clear.

[00:05:20] Don't ever, ever, ever respond in anger.

[00:05:25] Ask yourself why the criticism was made.

[00:05:28] Is the person trying to help?

[00:05:30] To make things better?

[00:05:31] To help you avoid making mistakes?

[00:05:33] To suggest positive improvements?

[00:05:35] Is the person just in a cranky, rude mood having a bad day?

[00:05:39] Is the person just mean or jealous?

[00:05:42] Is there good reason for the criticism?

[00:05:44] Regardless of the motivation, ask yourself if there is validity in the criticism.

[00:05:49] Sometimes there really is.

[00:05:51] But instead of letting that get you down, let it help you improve.

[00:05:56] Admit that you're not perfect at what you do, though you are perfect, and that not everything

[00:06:01] you do is exactly right, and that you want to improve.

[00:06:04] I, for one, certainly make mistakes all the time and have a lot I can improve.

[00:06:10] Thank the person for offering their criticism.

[00:06:13] Sometimes they're coming from a place of wanting to help you.

[00:06:16] That takes courage and is a very generous thing.

[00:06:18] Be grateful for that.

[00:06:20] Even when they're not trying to be helpful, they've taken the time to respond to you.

[00:06:25] And trust me, getting a response is better than absolute silence.

[00:06:30] Provoking a reaction means you've done something interesting.

[00:06:33] And for that, you should be thankful.

[00:06:35] Either way, thanking the critic will help lead to a positive exchange.

[00:06:40] Respond rationally and calmly.

[00:06:42] Instead of being defensive, be honest.

[00:06:45] Share your reasons.

[00:06:46] Acknowledge the other person's points, if there's any validity.

[00:06:50] And come to a rational conclusion rather than jealously guarding your way of doing things.

[00:06:56] Or stay silent.

[00:06:57] If you can't respond with grace, then just don't respond.

[00:07:01] Silence is a much better response than anger or defensiveness or quitting.

[00:07:06] Carry on.

[00:07:07] You've responded gracefully.

[00:07:08] Now, get back to doing your amazing things.

[00:07:15] You just listened to the post titled, The Art of Handling Criticism Gracefully by Leo Babauta of zenhabits.net.

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[00:08:36] And thanks a lot to Leo for this great guide on how to respond to criticism.

[00:08:40] Always love hearing from him.

[00:08:42] But while putting his advice to use is obviously very helpful,

[00:08:45] I encourage you to not miss the opportunity presenting itself at the same time,

[00:08:49] which is to observe what feelings are coming up for you

[00:08:53] that you're trying to work your behavior around.

[00:08:56] Now, surely criticism can be tough for anyone to handle,

[00:09:00] and the initial response is often rooted in some type of upset.

[00:09:04] But responding in the ways that Leo suggests is just half the battle.

[00:09:09] Also ask yourself, why is this really upsetting me right now?

[00:09:14] And what types of criticisms are easier for me to take in stride?

[00:09:19] And which ones really overcome me?

[00:09:22] Leo's tips are definitely best paired with this type of introspection,

[00:09:25] as it can lead you to a lot of new insights about yourself, your triggers,

[00:09:30] and what will ultimately make responding with grace a lot easier, right?

[00:09:34] Because you'll be able to understand your feelings quickly,

[00:09:37] rather than just kind of scrambling to figure out how to respond,

[00:09:41] and then putting yourself at risk for ignoring the feelings,

[00:09:43] and ultimately leaving yourself behind, leaving your inner self behind.

[00:09:48] And on that note, we will wrap up now.

[00:09:50] Thanks a lot for joining as always everybody.

[00:09:52] Have a great rest of your weekend,

[00:09:54] and I will see you back here again tomorrow

[00:09:56] for another post where your optimal life awaits.

[00:09:59] Thanks a lot.