3390: [Part 2] The Most Important Question of Your Life by Mark Manson on Self Help & Goal Setting

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[00:01:00] Just search for good night's sleep. Just search for good sleep in your podcast app and be sure to pick the one from Optimal Living Daily. This is Optimal Living Daily, the most important question of your life, part two, by Mark Manson of markmanson.net. And I'm Justin Malek. Welcome to the old podcast, the OLD podcast, Optimal Living Daily, where I read to you like a big ongoing audiobook

[00:01:26] from many different authors, but today being a continuation from yesterday.

[00:01:30] So I recommend listening to yesterday's episode first. But if you're all caught up, let's get right to part two and continue optimizing your life.

[00:01:41] The most important question of your life, part two, by Mark Manson of markmanson.net.

[00:01:49] There's a lot of creepy advice out there that says you've just got to want it enough. Everybody wants something. When everybody wants something enough, they just aren't aware of what it is they want or rather what they want enough.

[00:02:04] Because if you want the benefits of something in life, you have to also want the costs.

[00:02:10] If you want the beach body, you have to want the sweat, the soreness, the early mornings, and the hunger pangs.

[00:02:17] If you want the yacht, you have to also want the late nights, the risky business moves, and the possibility of pissing off one person or 10,000.

[00:02:27] If you find yourself wanting something month after month, year after year, yet nothing happens and you never come any closer to it,

[00:02:35] then maybe what you actually want is a fantasy, an idealization, an image, a false promise.

[00:02:44] Maybe what you want isn't what you want. You just enjoy wanting. Maybe you don't actually want it at all.

[00:02:52] Sometimes I ask people, how do you choose to suffer? These people tilt their heads and look at me like I have 12 noses.

[00:03:00] But I ask because that tells me far more about you than your desires and fantasies.

[00:03:05] Because you have to choose something. You can't have a pain-free life. Can't all be roses and unicorns.

[00:03:11] And ultimately, that's the hard question that matters.

[00:03:16] Pleasure is an easy question, and pretty much all of us have similar answers.

[00:03:20] The more interesting question is the pain.

[00:03:24] What is the pain that you want to sustain?

[00:03:28] That answer will actually get you somewhere.

[00:03:30] It's the question that can change your life.

[00:03:32] It's what makes me, me, and you, you.

[00:03:36] It's what defines and separates us, and ultimately brings us together.

[00:03:41] For most of my adolescence and young adulthood, I fantasized about being a musician.

[00:03:47] A rock star in particular.

[00:03:49] Any bad guitar song I heard, I would always close my eyes and envision myself up on stage,

[00:03:55] playing it to the screams of the crowd.

[00:03:57] People absolutely losing their minds to my sweet finger noodling.

[00:04:02] This fantasy could keep me occupied for hours on end.

[00:04:06] The fantasizing continued through college, even after I dropped out of music school and stopped

[00:04:11] playing seriously.

[00:04:12] But even then, it was never a question of if I'd ever be up playing in front of screaming crowds,

[00:04:18] but when.

[00:04:20] I was biding my time before I could invest the proper amount of time and effort into getting

[00:04:25] out there and making it work.

[00:04:27] First, I needed to finish school.

[00:04:29] Then, I needed to make money.

[00:04:31] Then, I needed to find the time.

[00:04:34] Then, nothing.

[00:04:36] Despite fantasizing about this for over half of my life, the reality never came.

[00:04:41] And it took me a long time and a lot of negative experiences to finally figure out why I didn't

[00:04:47] actually want it.

[00:04:49] I was in love with the result.

[00:04:51] The image of me on stage, people cheering, me rocking out, pouring my heart into the world.

[00:04:56] But I wasn't in love with the process.

[00:05:00] And because of that, I failed at it.

[00:05:03] Repeatedly.

[00:05:04] I didn't even try hard enough to fail at it.

[00:05:07] I hardly tried at all.

[00:05:09] The daily drudgery of practicing.

[00:05:12] The logistics of finding a group and rehearsing.

[00:05:14] The pain of finding gigs and actually getting people to show up and give a shit.

[00:05:19] The broken strings.

[00:05:20] The blown tube amp.

[00:05:22] Hauling 40 pounds of gear to and from rehearsals with no car.

[00:05:27] It's a mountain of a dream and a mile-high climb to the top.

[00:05:31] And what took me a long time to discover was that I didn't like to climb much.

[00:05:35] I just like to imagine the top.

[00:05:38] Our culture would tell me that I've somehow failed myself, that I'm a quitter or a loser.

[00:05:44] Self-help would say that I either wasn't courageous enough, determined enough, or I didn't believe in myself enough.

[00:05:51] The entrepreneurial or startup crowd would tell me that I chickened out on my dream and gave in to my conventional social conditioning.

[00:05:59] I'd be told to do affirmations or join a mastermind group or manifest or something.

[00:06:04] But the truth is far less interesting than that.

[00:06:07] I thought I wanted something, but turns out I didn't.

[00:06:11] End of story.

[00:06:13] I wanted the reward and not the struggle.

[00:06:16] I wanted the result and not the process.

[00:06:19] I was in love, not with the fight, but only the victory.

[00:06:24] And life doesn't work that way.

[00:06:26] Who you are is defined by the values you're willing to struggle for.

[00:06:31] People who enjoy the struggles of a gym are the ones who get in good shape.

[00:06:36] People who enjoy long work weeks and the politics of the corporate ladder are the ones who move up it.

[00:06:41] People who enjoy the stresses and uncertainty of the starving artist's life are ultimately the ones who live and make it.

[00:06:49] This is not a call for willpower or grit.

[00:06:52] This is not another admonition of no pain, no gain.

[00:06:56] This is the most simple and basic component of life.

[00:07:00] Our struggles determine our successes.

[00:07:04] So my friend, choose your struggles wisely.

[00:07:12] You just listened to part two of the post titled,

[00:07:14] The Most Important Question of Your Life by Mark Manson of markmanson.net.

[00:07:19] And I'll be right back with my commentary.

[00:07:22] Thank you again to Mark.

[00:07:23] I could definitely relate because I went through a very similar path in college with wanting to be a musician.

[00:07:29] I've enjoyed playing instruments pretty much as long as I can remember.

[00:07:34] Enjoying band practice, whether in school or outside of school.

[00:07:38] And in high school, I started playing in my own bands, continuing through college.

[00:07:42] And I could actually see that as my career.

[00:07:45] But just like Mark, it took some time, but I finally realized that wasn't the pain I wanted to sustain.

[00:07:52] Just like him, I liked the performing and the idea of it, the fans' enjoyment.

[00:07:58] Even the business side, making t-shirts and building a website.

[00:08:02] But not particularly the most important part, writing songs, booking shows, going out on the street and promoting,

[00:08:10] meeting other bands and so on.

[00:08:12] I just liked playing and the marketing or business side of things.

[00:08:17] It actually was very telling.

[00:08:19] I ended up being a business major in college after switching majors probably three or four times.

[00:08:23] And ultimately, I realized I just liked running a business and being with a small group of people doing it together.

[00:08:30] And I was willing to work through those pains, whatever they were.

[00:08:34] So it's a good question for today.

[00:08:35] What pain are you willing to sustain and why?

[00:08:40] Hopefully that helps you on your journey.

[00:08:42] Thank you for being here with me on this journey.

[00:08:44] It means a lot.

[00:08:45] Have a great rest of your day and I'll see you tomorrow as usual.

[00:08:49] Where your optimal life awaits.