3400: Speak Up: How to Lose Your Fear and Find Your Voice by Molly Fletcher on Reframing the Fear of Rejection

[00:00:00] Brauchen wir wirklich noch einen Computer? Alle wahrscheinlich nicht. Aber wenn du Musik mit der Power eines Neuralprozessors neu erfindest oder unterwegs Migrationsmuster mit einem ganztägigen Akku analysierst oder deine Ideen mit dem KI-gesteuerten Co-Creator zum Leben erwächst, dann kann ein Co-Pilot Plus PC einen Unterschied machen. Nicht alle brauchen einen leistungsstärkeren KI-Computer. Aber wenn du versuchst, die Welt zu verändern, auch wenn es nur deine eigene ist, haben wir einen für dich entwickelt. Microsoft Co-Pilot Plus PC mit Snapdragon. Die bisher schnellsten und intelligentesten Windows-PCs. Die Akkulaufzeit variiert hier nach Nutzung und Einstellungen.

[00:00:30] This is Optimal Living Daily. Speak Up! How to Lose Your Fear and Find Your Voice by Molly Fletcher of mollyfletcher.com. And I'm Justin Malik, your very own personal narrator today and every day. Me narrating means there are no interviews, just a short podcast where we can both improve our lives one day at a time. So with that, let's get right to today's post and start optimizing your life.

[00:00:58] Speak Up! How to Lose Your Fear and Find Your Voice by Molly Fletcher of mollyfletcher.com.

[00:01:06] Speaking up for what's right, for what you need to say and others need to hear is so important. And we also can agree that it sure can be hard.

[00:01:16] I believe what keeps us from speaking up in certain relationships is fear. And I want to share some techniques that will help you lose the most common fears about speaking up now.

[00:01:28] Fear number one, people will reject me and I can't handle that. How to Lose It? Fear of rejection is real. It's a script that runs in our head.

[00:01:40] Man, I'm very familiar with it. When I speak to hundreds or thousands of people, I always want to connect with and deliver value to every single person in an audience.

[00:01:50] I don't want rejection on stage. I want connection. Yet no matter how confident and prepared I feel, there's always that anxious feeling.

[00:02:00] There's no use hoping it'll go away. The best way to counter this fear is to replace this script.

[00:02:07] So let's consider the opposite. What if we didn't worry about what other people think? How freeing would that feel?

[00:02:14] I'm not there yet myself, but isn't that an inspiring, intriguing concept?

[00:02:20] The fear of speaking up is very real, especially for many women.

[00:02:25] A recent study reported by the Wall Street Journal, with some great tips by the way,

[00:02:29] found that women were more sensitive to relationships in the group

[00:02:33] and were more anxious about how they were performing and being perceived by others.

[00:02:38] As one of the only female sports agents, speaking up was a fear I had to overcome early in my career.

[00:02:45] Working through this fear taught me the power of taking small steps.

[00:02:50] Potential clients automatically viewed me as not knowing their world.

[00:02:54] So talking to a baseball player about a four-seamer or a two-seamer initially made me nervous.

[00:03:00] I was so careful about what I said that I wasn't saying anything.

[00:03:04] I got unstuck by taking small steps, picking some spots where I could test how my knowledge would land with these guys.

[00:03:13] Losing the fear of rejection is a journey. It's a lot like learning anything.

[00:03:19] You start with small steps, gain confidence, and take another.

[00:03:23] They will lead to big steps.

[00:03:26] Fear number two, nothing will change by me speaking up.

[00:03:31] How to lose it?

[00:03:32] The truth is that one factor will change when you speak up, and it's you.

[00:03:38] Here's the common scenario.

[00:03:39] We've all been in organizations, meetings, or on calls where fear takes over.

[00:03:45] We feel as if we say something, nothing will change, so why bother?

[00:03:49] The decision makers aren't going to take my input, and that will invalidate what I have to say.

[00:03:55] Yuck.

[00:03:56] When that happens, what a stifling moment, day, week, even life to live through.

[00:04:03] The good news is that when that happens, you have a chance to connect instead of fold your cards.

[00:04:09] In any kind of team setting, the opinions and behaviors of others matter, yours included.

[00:04:15] The team you're on right now most likely is not the only group like this that you'll participate in.

[00:04:21] Now's an important time to practice a new habit of maintaining your sense of self-worth around others.

[00:04:27] By speaking out in a thoughtful, clear manner, keeping mindful of body language and even tone,

[00:04:34] you'll practice making your message about your truth.

[00:04:37] You'll take back the power of your message.

[00:04:40] What you have to say is not dependent on these detractors.

[00:04:43] Even if they persist, your self-respect will increase.

[00:04:48] Stick to your important message and continue working to connect, share, and listen to the people on your team.

[00:04:54] Model the behavior that you want from others.

[00:04:58] And fear number three, I'm not sure I can handle the truth.

[00:05:03] How to lose it?

[00:05:05] This fear describes a natural inclination to be defensive.

[00:05:08] We all have a fragile part inside ourselves and fear can easily take root there.

[00:05:13] We reject ourselves when we know in our hearts that we had more and we didn't deliver.

[00:05:19] Or we didn't deliver it just how we wanted to.

[00:05:21] Or we were misunderstood when we delivered it.

[00:05:25] It's even harder to hear someone else voice that criticism.

[00:05:28] Let me tell you how not to lose this fear.

[00:05:32] In seventh grade, three girls leaned against my locker and told me,

[00:05:35] we're gonna kick your you-know-what.

[00:05:38] It was their mission to make my life miserable.

[00:05:41] Why?

[00:05:42] That's what I became obsessed with.

[00:05:44] I wanted to know that and I desperately wanted them to understand my complete horror at their threat to rearrange my face.

[00:05:50] This made me overly concerned with finding a way to connect to them.

[00:05:54] But my curiosity and need to connect could not overcome my fear.

[00:05:59] So I said nothing.

[00:06:01] I clammed up and I never found out why I was targeted.

[00:06:04] And they never knew how much they hurt me.

[00:06:07] It's important to know that we all have limits.

[00:06:11] Fear is a message to you that there is a limit inside you.

[00:06:14] Sometimes we can do everything possible to move past our fear.

[00:06:18] And the best way forward is to find another environment.

[00:06:22] There's nothing wrong with working on your fear of speaking your truth and discovering that

[00:06:26] you are and may always be ostracized for doing so.

[00:06:30] No team will thrive in that kind of atmosphere for long.

[00:06:33] Your fear can be a signal to do more than work on yourself.

[00:06:38] It may be time to change your surroundings.

[00:06:41] Your game changer takeaway.

[00:06:44] Accept your fear of speaking up and seek to understand it.

[00:06:47] Whether you're afraid of rejection, fearful of not getting any results, or doubt your ability to handle the truth,

[00:06:54] you have a lot of good company.

[00:06:56] Rethinking your mental scripts about these fears,

[00:06:59] taking small steps to build your confidence,

[00:07:01] and evaluating your environment can help you gain greater fearlessness to speak your truth

[00:07:06] in even the most difficult situations.

[00:07:14] You just listened to the post titled,

[00:07:16] Speak Up, How to Lose Your Fear and Find Your Voice,

[00:07:19] by Molly Fletcher of mollyfletcher.com.

[00:07:22] And I'll be right back with my commentary.

[00:07:24] Thank you to Molly.

[00:07:26] Another one that might be difficult to do,

[00:07:28] but we can make small changes that add up over time.

[00:07:31] I think the best way would be to speak up in lower stress,

[00:07:36] more forgiving and comfortable situations with people you trust,

[00:07:40] and then work up from there.

[00:07:42] Probably not immediately in a work environment if it's not something you're used to.

[00:07:47] For me, this was sort of one of the reasons I started this podcast.

[00:07:51] I don't speak a lot and have always dreaded public speaking or presentations,

[00:07:56] even situations where everyone goes around the room and has to introduce themselves or whatever.

[00:08:00] All of those were things I wanted to avoid.

[00:08:04] So I figured one thing that might help,

[00:08:07] because avoiding is not helping,

[00:08:09] is talking more and I do enjoy reading.

[00:08:11] So putting those things together, you get this podcast.

[00:08:15] And it is different because I'm speaking alone in a room.

[00:08:19] But for me, that is a positive step.

[00:08:21] It's a baby step in the right direction.

[00:08:24] And then over time, I think it has added up.

[00:08:27] Not to mention, being in this industry and having this my full-time job

[00:08:30] has now led me to go to podcasting conferences,

[00:08:33] have to do phone calls about the job, and so on.

[00:08:37] But for you, it'll probably look much different.

[00:08:40] And you're likely starting from a completely different place than me.

[00:08:43] So you have to figure out where you are,

[00:08:46] where you want to go,

[00:08:47] and then what baby steps to take to get there.

[00:08:50] Sure, you can do it.

[00:08:52] So thank you to Molly for this one.

[00:08:53] And thank you for being here.

[00:08:55] Have a great weekend.

[00:08:56] And I'll catch you tomorrow,

[00:08:58] where your optimal life awaits.