3404: Where the Wealth Was All Along by David Cain of Raptitude on Meaningful Relationships

[00:00:00] Before we start, please check out our new podcast, Good Sleep. Have you ever noticed how a calm mind can really set the stage for a good night's sleep? That's the idea behind our new podcast, Good Sleep. Greg, our host from Optimal Relationships Daily, is here to help ease you into a peaceful night's rest with some positive affirmations. And these affirmations aren't just comforting, they can help ease anxiety and nurture positive thoughts, setting you up for true good sleep.

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[00:00:38] This is Optimal Living Daily, Where the Wealth Was All Along by David Cain of Raptitude.com. And I'm Justin Malik, your personal narrator. And we're gonna get right to it as we optimize your life.

[00:00:54] Where the wealth was all along by David Cain of Raptitude.com.

[00:01:00] I keep having this idea, not that I think it's true, that when you die, you appear in a talk show studio and everyone is clapping.

[00:01:10] A host shakes your hand and asks you to sit down and the both of you go over how you think you did.

[00:01:16] On a large screen, they play a long montage containing some of the more significant moments in your life.

[00:01:21] You and the host, along with the audience, look on as you make pivotal choices, overcome dilemmas, and meet the people who would become your friends and partners.

[00:01:31] The film includes a lot of personality-defining moments, such as when you made the choice to embrace what became your art or your calling, if you had one.

[00:01:40] Or when you took on a long-term responsibility that became a part of who you were.

[00:01:45] You also get to see, for only the second time, the moments in which your most important relationships went from superficial to true.

[00:01:54] Everyone in the studio is moved.

[00:01:56] The members of the audience have seen many episodes of this show and were once on it themselves.

[00:02:01] The overall tone of the production is quite pleasant and earnest.

[00:02:05] Clearly, everyone is happy for you, celebrating your life rather than judging it, and probably remembering similar moments from their own reel.

[00:02:14] The montage also covers things you missed, many of the experiences and relationships that didn't happen, but could have,

[00:02:22] if you had accepted or extended a particular invitation,

[00:02:26] if you had made a particular effort at small talk instead of sinking into another painful silence,

[00:02:32] if you had bought that piano after all,

[00:02:34] if you had attended the indoor climbing center's open house instead of telling yourself you'd go next year.

[00:02:41] Of all the missed possibilities,

[00:02:43] the missed human connections stand out above the other kinds,

[00:02:48] the missed career and travel opportunities, cultural experiences,

[00:02:52] even the creative achievements,

[00:02:54] because by the end of your life,

[00:02:55] the only thing that seemed relevant was the people you loved or ended up loving.

[00:03:01] When you died,

[00:03:02] all the value in your world resided there

[00:03:05] in the simple and all-important fact that

[00:03:07] you really knew other people

[00:03:09] and other people really knew you.

[00:03:12] And this part lasts forever because,

[00:03:15] as you learn quickly,

[00:03:16] you missed many more connections than you made,

[00:03:20] maybe 50 or 100 times more.

[00:03:22] In fact,

[00:03:23] many times a wonderful connection with another person

[00:03:26] was just one simple action away from you,

[00:03:28] but you pulled back.

[00:03:30] Such an incredible wealth of human connection,

[00:03:33] the greatest part of life you know now,

[00:03:35] hinged on a phone call you didn't bother with,

[00:03:38] a conversation you shut down,

[00:03:40] or an apology you'd make in an instant

[00:03:43] if they sent you back now.

[00:03:45] There was so much available to you,

[00:03:47] and it was so much closer than it seemed at the time.

[00:03:51] In most of these moments,

[00:03:52] you pulled away from a budding connection

[00:03:54] because you wanted to protect yourself

[00:03:56] from some mildly uncomfortable moment.

[00:03:59] They might be bored at an acquaintance's party

[00:04:02] and have to excuse yourself early,

[00:04:04] that a conversation you start might be difficult to escape from,

[00:04:07] that your act of openness might be taken advantage of.

[00:04:11] So you stayed home,

[00:04:12] said no,

[00:04:13] made excuses,

[00:04:15] and avoided many conversations.

[00:04:17] This small amount of uneasiness you avoided,

[00:04:19] you realize now,

[00:04:21] cost you many friendships as deep and rich

[00:04:23] as the best ones you did manage to have.

[00:04:26] But you're not going back,

[00:04:28] and there's nothing left to cling to,

[00:04:29] and nothing left to protect yourself from.

[00:04:32] So the feeling you get

[00:04:33] watching all these missed connections

[00:04:35] isn't regret,

[00:04:36] it's abundance.

[00:04:38] It seems really wonderful

[00:04:39] that a human life could have contained

[00:04:42] 50 undeveloped relationships

[00:04:44] for every one

[00:04:45] that was allowed to thrive,

[00:04:47] given how rich and fulfilling

[00:04:48] some of those connections were.

[00:04:50] You're happy to see that

[00:04:51] those chances were there,

[00:04:53] even though you didn't quite recognize them

[00:04:55] in time to take advantage.

[00:04:57] This all rests fine with you knowing

[00:04:59] that you don't need any more life advantages

[00:05:02] because you're done with the whole thing.

[00:05:04] Your lifelong wish of being safe

[00:05:07] from everything you fear

[00:05:08] has been granted.

[00:05:09] For the first time,

[00:05:11] there is truly nothing to worry about.

[00:05:13] It was all trade-offs anyway.

[00:05:15] One thing you didn't do

[00:05:17] allowed for something else to happen.

[00:05:19] You can't deny that

[00:05:21] there is a pattern in these trade-offs.

[00:05:22] You frequently chose another dose

[00:05:24] of the predictable and comfortable

[00:05:26] over developing a relationship

[00:05:28] with another person.

[00:05:30] After your segment finishes,

[00:05:32] new guests come on the show

[00:05:33] and you see the same thing

[00:05:35] in most of their clips.

[00:05:36] There are a few people

[00:05:37] who apparently had no reservations

[00:05:39] about being open

[00:05:40] and proactive towards others,

[00:05:42] and a few people whose reticence

[00:05:44] clearly helped them get by.

[00:05:45] But for the most part,

[00:05:47] you see people who really valued friendship

[00:05:49] and connection

[00:05:50] more than anything else,

[00:05:51] they would say now.

[00:05:52] But let it pass them by

[00:05:54] again and again

[00:05:55] because of some comfort-related concern

[00:05:58] that seemed more important

[00:06:00] at the time.

[00:06:01] It's the perfect example

[00:06:02] of John Lennon's

[00:06:03] making other plans remark.

[00:06:06] Happily, a little bit

[00:06:07] of this kind of wealth

[00:06:08] goes a long way.

[00:06:09] Even one great friendship

[00:06:11] is enough to make a person

[00:06:12] feel blessed

[00:06:13] that life went the way it did.

[00:06:15] So you don't feel bad

[00:06:16] for the new guests,

[00:06:17] but it is endlessly fascinating

[00:06:19] to watch people learn

[00:06:20] that there was so much more out there,

[00:06:22] just a little bit beyond

[00:06:24] what felt perfectly safe.

[00:06:31] You just listened to the post titled

[00:06:32] Where the Wealth Was All Along

[00:06:35] by David Cain of raptitude.com.

[00:06:37] I'll be right back with my commentary.

[00:06:40] Thank you to David.

[00:06:41] It's interesting how we can get

[00:06:42] so caught up in trying

[00:06:43] to protect ourselves

[00:06:44] from little moments of discomfort,

[00:06:47] maybe having an awkward conversation

[00:06:48] or getting stuck at a party

[00:06:50] we're not enjoying,

[00:06:51] like you mentioned,

[00:06:52] that we miss out on

[00:06:53] these potentially amazing connections.

[00:06:55] I'm definitely guilty of this myself,

[00:06:57] being an introvert and shy.

[00:06:59] It's really easy for me

[00:07:00] to just stay home

[00:07:01] or make an excuse

[00:07:02] when someone invites me somewhere.

[00:07:05] I remember when I went

[00:07:06] to the Rocky Mountains

[00:07:07] to volunteer at a meditation

[00:07:08] retreat center,

[00:07:09] that was way outside

[00:07:11] my comfort zone.

[00:07:12] I ended up sharing a tent

[00:07:13] with someone I had just met that day.

[00:07:16] And it was for like a month.

[00:07:17] But looking back now,

[00:07:19] those connections

[00:07:19] and conversations I had there,

[00:07:21] they were really meaningful

[00:07:22] and I wouldn't have had

[00:07:23] those experiences

[00:07:24] if I let that initial discomfort

[00:07:27] stop me.

[00:07:28] Something else that stuck out to me

[00:07:29] was how he mentioned

[00:07:30] that at the end of life,

[00:07:31] the only thing that really mattered

[00:07:33] was the people we loved

[00:07:34] and who loved us.

[00:07:36] Not the career achievements

[00:07:37] or obviously the things we owned.

[00:07:40] That ties back to minimalism in a way,

[00:07:42] something we talk about

[00:07:43] pretty regularly

[00:07:43] on Minimalist Mondays.

[00:07:45] But all those things

[00:07:46] we think are so important,

[00:07:48] they kind of fade away

[00:07:49] compared to our relationships.

[00:07:51] I think this applies

[00:07:52] to more than just friendships.

[00:07:54] It could be reaching out

[00:07:55] to family members

[00:07:56] we've lost touch with

[00:07:57] or even just having

[00:07:58] a real conversation

[00:08:00] with someone

[00:08:00] instead of small talk.

[00:08:02] These days with phones

[00:08:03] and social media,

[00:08:05] it's so easy to avoid

[00:08:06] those genuine connections

[00:08:07] to stay in our comfort zones.

[00:08:09] But like we've talked about

[00:08:10] before on this show,

[00:08:12] getting comfortable

[00:08:12] with being uncomfortable

[00:08:14] is where the growth happens.

[00:08:16] So maybe today

[00:08:17] we can try taking

[00:08:18] one tiny step,

[00:08:20] maybe making that phone call

[00:08:21] we've been putting off

[00:08:22] or saying yes

[00:08:23] to something

[00:08:24] we'd usually say no to.

[00:08:25] Baby steps, right?

[00:08:27] So hopefully this one

[00:08:28] gave you something

[00:08:28] to think about.

[00:08:29] Definitely did for me.

[00:08:30] And if you try something new today,

[00:08:32] let me know how it goes.

[00:08:33] You can always reach out

[00:08:34] through oldpodcast.com

[00:08:35] or reply to my

[00:08:37] free weekly newsletter.

[00:08:39] Thank you for being here

[00:08:40] and listening to me

[00:08:40] and for subscribing to

[00:08:42] or following the show.

[00:08:43] And I'll be back tomorrow

[00:08:44] reading to

[00:08:45] Where You're Optimal Life.

[00:08:47] How are you?