3414: Learn from Loneliness AND Give Yourself Permission to Breathe by Ali Cornish of Everthrive

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[00:01:34] Learn from Loneliness by Ali Cornish of Everthrive.org.

[00:01:40] Do you like to be alone? Oftentimes I do. When I'm alone, I'm at ease. In my solitude, I'm free to be my authentic self.

[00:01:49] And even though I could just be comfortably hanging out in my living room, I feel like I'm away from the constraints of society.

[00:01:56] When we are comfortable and happy in our aloneness, we can use the situation to reflect on life and use it as an opportunity to experience growth.

[00:02:06] However, many people aren't happy being alone. Instead of feeling alone, they feel lonely.

[00:02:14] Loneliness is something very different than being alone.

[00:02:18] When we are lonely, we are not reflecting on our lives with growth and mindfulness.

[00:02:23] We are not at ease with ourselves and we are not free.

[00:02:27] Loneliness, when allowed to take hold and fester, can cause anxiety and depression,

[00:02:32] as well as an array of physical ailments leading to poor health and a shorter life expectancy.

[00:02:38] Instead of encountering truths and experiencing growth, loneliness gives way, quote,

[00:02:43] to the perverse, the illicit, the absurd.

[00:02:47] That's by Thomas Mann in Death in Venice and Other Tales.

[00:02:51] Loneliness does not imply aloneness.

[00:02:55] We can be lonely even when we are surrounded by people.

[00:02:59] Loneliness is an emotion that can be experienced suddenly or over time.

[00:03:04] The abrupt loss of a loved one, a job, or a marriage can initiate sudden feelings of isolation and hopelessness.

[00:03:12] Gradual loneliness is caused by our tendency to self-isolate because our expectations of others may be too high,

[00:03:19] or we might not be able to withstand the social stress of communicating with others.

[00:03:24] If, after a period of self-isolation, we do not initiate contact or have the occasion to,

[00:03:30] we sometimes end up scrutinizing others' behaviors towards us.

[00:03:33] We think that their benevolent interactions are fake or forced.

[00:03:38] This produces anger and fear, causing us to withdraw in our loneliness even more.

[00:03:44] In this way, loneliness has the potential to alter our perception.

[00:03:48] It is very difficult to climb out of a pit of despair when we are emotionally raw

[00:03:53] and feel that we do not deserve the contact of others.

[00:03:56] In our loneliness, we begin to see the world as a negative place.

[00:04:01] According to Thomas Wolfe, in his essay entitled God's Lonely Man,

[00:04:06] loneliness is a, quote,

[00:04:08] central and inevitable fact of human existence, end quote.

[00:04:12] When experienced, this emotion can be devastating.

[00:04:15] However, loneliness should be explored and understood before it is banished,

[00:04:21] because it can inform us of behavior patterns that we need to change.

[00:04:26] Loneliness forces us to make decisions about our lives.

[00:04:30] It is important to be aware of our emotional well-being

[00:04:33] and acknowledge when we are feeling lonely.

[00:04:35] In order to stop our descent into the abyss of loneliness,

[00:04:39] we have to understand that change needs to occur.

[00:04:43] Loneliness should be explored and understood.

[00:04:46] We owe it to ourselves to take action when we feel cast aside

[00:04:50] or unnecessarily isolated, even when we are surrounded by people.

[00:04:54] We should push ourselves and reach out to those who care for us.

[00:04:57] We need to reinsert ourselves into the work of friendship,

[00:05:00] where our social needs will be satisfied and pangs of loneliness will subside.

[00:05:06] When we force ourselves out of loneliness by prioritizing our emotional health,

[00:05:11] the quality of our lives will improve and we will inevitably thrive.

[00:05:20] Give Yourself Permission to Breathe, by Allie Cornish of everthrive.org.

[00:05:26] Has anyone ever told you just to slow down and take a breath?

[00:05:30] How did it make you feel?

[00:05:32] Depending on your outlook, maybe you reacted with confusion or frustration.

[00:05:36] You breathe all day.

[00:05:37] You'd be dead if you weren't breathing.

[00:05:39] Why is this person telling me to breathe?

[00:05:41] That's dumb.

[00:05:43] Or maybe you paused and really thought about the advice.

[00:05:46] Sure, my breathe, but I'm rarely aware of how I'm breathing

[00:05:51] since my awareness is acutely focused on other things.

[00:05:54] Like everyone else, I'm sometimes anxious.

[00:05:57] I often stress about work tasks, my to-do lists,

[00:06:01] and infinite personal and family obligations.

[00:06:04] Provoked by the constraints of an average workday,

[00:06:06] I often stress about my productivity.

[00:06:09] I'm always tormented by the lure of technology

[00:06:11] and the seemingly urgent notifications of my iPhone.

[00:06:15] All this builds up and creates anxiety.

[00:06:18] Research shows that anxiety can restrict our breathing,

[00:06:23] leading us to take quicker, shallow breaths,

[00:06:26] resulting in limited oxygen absorption and a spike in blood pressure.

[00:06:30] Cortisol levels increase,

[00:06:33] leading to restricted circulation and decreased immunity.

[00:06:36] In searching for quick fixes,

[00:06:38] I've found that meditative practices such as yoga

[00:06:41] can lower anxiety levels.

[00:06:43] I've belonged to at least three yoga studios in the last 15 years.

[00:06:47] Each time I tried yoga, I was initially open to it.

[00:06:51] But mid-pose, instead of breathing,

[00:06:53] I began stressing about when I should breathe or not breathe.

[00:06:58] When should I breathe in?

[00:06:59] What should I do while I'm breathing?

[00:07:02] Am I even doing this pose correctly?

[00:07:04] My mentality towards yoga as a cure for anxiety

[00:07:07] has never really worked for me.

[00:07:08] I was forcing myself to breathe

[00:07:10] and measuring my effectiveness against others in the mirror.

[00:07:14] I needed to change my mindset.

[00:07:16] I needed to grant myself permission to breathe.

[00:07:20] Henrik Edberg, in his article,

[00:07:22] The Power of Breathing,

[00:07:23] suggests taking two minutes away from the anxiety-inducing situation

[00:07:27] to focus on breath.

[00:07:29] I found that two minutes is more than enough

[00:07:32] to find space when my world closes in.

[00:07:35] Anytime I encounter stress or feel overwhelmed,

[00:07:38] I simply take one large breath in and out.

[00:07:41] I do this alone or in the midst of a work presentation

[00:07:45] or a lively gathering.

[00:07:47] No one can tell.

[00:07:48] I do this when I'm cooking, writing,

[00:07:50] or when I find myself stuck in an endless social media loop.

[00:07:55] Now, I practice conscious breathing.

[00:07:58] Taking one deep breath helps us to consciously pause,

[00:08:02] reflect, and refocus our perceptions,

[00:08:05] removing us from the source of anxiety.

[00:08:07] After taking one breath,

[00:08:10] whatever was bothersome

[00:08:11] becomes a little less annoying

[00:08:13] and definitely more approachable.

[00:08:15] We never have anything to lose

[00:08:17] by just taking one conscious, full breath.

[00:08:21] There's so much to gain

[00:08:22] by granting ourselves permission to breathe.

[00:08:29] You just listened to the post titled

[00:08:31] Learning from Loneliness

[00:08:32] and Give Yourself Permission to Breathe,

[00:08:36] both by Allie Cornish of everthrive.org,

[00:08:39] and I'll be right back with my commentary.

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[00:09:52] Thank you to Ali.

[00:09:53] The breath is certainly tied to our feelings.

[00:09:57] It kind of reminds me of the study

[00:09:58] where forcing yourself to smile

[00:10:00] actually then makes you feel happier.

[00:10:03] It's really interesting stuff.

[00:10:04] And I think that's the case with breathing.

[00:10:07] To me, it's pretty intuitive.

[00:10:08] If you force yourself to slow your breath,

[00:10:11] everything else sort of has to follow suit in your body.

[00:10:14] I'm not gonna say that's easy,

[00:10:16] especially in moments of panic.

[00:10:18] It's hard to even think about it and go,

[00:10:20] okay, time to breathe slowly

[00:10:21] when things are spiraling out of control.

[00:10:24] And honestly, that can sometimes lead

[00:10:26] to more panic in certain situations.

[00:10:28] But with practice, I strongly believe it can work.

[00:10:32] There's a trick called box breathing

[00:10:34] where you breathe in for four seconds,

[00:10:36] hold for four seconds,

[00:10:38] breathe out for four seconds,

[00:10:40] and then hold again for four seconds.

[00:10:42] That's a tactic endorsed by Navy SEALs

[00:10:45] in moments of high stress,

[00:10:46] and it could work for you.

[00:10:47] But again, I think it does take practice.

[00:10:49] And just doing it once and not having results

[00:10:52] might not be the best test.

[00:10:54] But all that said,

[00:10:55] even just paying attention to your breath,

[00:10:57] which really is the main practice of meditation,

[00:11:00] has been proven to have benefit.

[00:11:03] I like to do it before falling asleep,

[00:11:05] even counting my breaths sometimes.

[00:11:07] By the time I'm at around 30,

[00:11:08] I'm usually falling asleep.

[00:11:10] It's done well for me,

[00:11:12] not to mention the amount of time

[00:11:13] I've spent meditating over the years.

[00:11:14] I wouldn't take any of that back.

[00:11:16] So I'd agree and say that if you have a moment today,

[00:11:19] check on that breath,

[00:11:21] take some deep breaths,

[00:11:22] or even just one like she mentioned in this article,

[00:11:24] and then see how you feel.

[00:11:26] Have a great day and week full of deep breaths,

[00:11:29] and I'll be back tomorrow for the Friday show,

[00:11:32] where your optimal life awaits.

[00:11:33] I'll be back tomorrow for the Friday show,

[00:11:34] Thank you.