3429: Give The Present Of Presence by Randi Kay of NaturallyRandiKay on Intentional Relationships

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_00]: This is Optimal Living Daily, Give The Present Of Presence by Randi Kay of NaturallyRandyKay.com

[00:00:08] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm Justin Malik reading you articles every single day of the year, always with permission from the authors.

[00:00:14] [SPEAKER_00]: And with that, let's get right to it and continue optimizing your life.

[00:00:22] [SPEAKER_00]: Give The Present Of Presence by Randi Kay of NaturallyRandyKay.com

[00:00:29] [SPEAKER_00]: I realize that not everyone will be celebrating Christmas, but whatever your flavor this season, I feel like this advice applies.

[00:00:37] [SPEAKER_00]: Some backstory. These past few months, I've been trying to be on my phone less.

[00:00:43] [SPEAKER_00]: I've been catching myself doing mindless scrolling on Facebook.

[00:00:46] [SPEAKER_00]: I've been resisting the habit of grabbing my phone when I have some downtime while waiting in line or the like.

[00:00:52] [SPEAKER_00]: I've tried to limit my social media outlet of choice, not checking and interacting on all of them all of the time.

[00:01:00] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm a sucker for pretty pictures, so I spend most of my time on Instagram.

[00:01:04] [SPEAKER_00]: It's been challenging, but rewarding.

[00:01:07] [SPEAKER_00]: It's eased some anxiety.

[00:01:09] [SPEAKER_00]: I've noticed my surroundings more.

[00:01:11] [SPEAKER_00]: I've had wonderful thoughts and ideas pop in during the quiet moments.

[00:01:15] [SPEAKER_00]: But the most important perk is that I've been able to be more present with whomever I'm with,

[00:01:21] [SPEAKER_00]: be it the cashier at the store or my best friend.

[00:01:24] [SPEAKER_00]: The downside of changing a habit is that it makes you more aware of everyone else that is doing the habit you are trying to change.

[00:01:32] [SPEAKER_00]: I've had to find a balance between standing up for people being more present with me, i.e. nagging.

[00:01:38] [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I mean, lovingly nudging them to get off of their phones and letting them live their own life.

[00:01:45] [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I don't know if they want to be more present with me or the people we are with.

[00:01:50] [SPEAKER_00]: I also catch myself doing it, which is good because it starts feeling less and less natural and okay with how I want to be.

[00:01:58] [SPEAKER_00]: I've quoted this before, but it's worth quoting again and again and again.

[00:02:03] [SPEAKER_00]: The more connected we are, the more disconnected we are from the people that matter the most.

[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_00]: But seriously, folks, I've made great strides in being less connected to technology, but I'm not perfect.

[00:02:17] [SPEAKER_00]: I've been shocked at how hard it is to disconnect and how habitual I am with being connected.

[00:02:22] [SPEAKER_00]: It's kind of scary, really.

[00:02:25] [SPEAKER_00]: We'll say that technology is an amazing thing in our lives and it enables us to connect with people all over the world,

[00:02:31] [SPEAKER_00]: be it loved ones who live far away or connecting with new people.

[00:02:35] [SPEAKER_00]: But our relationship with it has gotten out of whack.

[00:02:40] [SPEAKER_00]: I challenge you to start noticing your own habits.

[00:02:43] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not asking you to change anything yet, but just notice.

[00:02:47] [SPEAKER_00]: How frequently do you check social media?

[00:02:50] [SPEAKER_00]: How often do you reach for your phone when you have a quick second?

[00:02:54] [SPEAKER_00]: How often are you on your phone when someone in real life is talking to you?

[00:02:59] [SPEAKER_00]: How often do you disengage from conversations to see what's happening online?

[00:03:04] [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so now back to my main point.

[00:03:07] [SPEAKER_00]: A lot of us will be spending time with family and other loved ones this week.

[00:03:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Friends in from out of town, you're traveling home to see people you haven't seen forever,

[00:03:15] [SPEAKER_00]: or you maybe are going home with a significant other to meet a bunch of new people.

[00:03:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Give them the gift of really being there with them.

[00:03:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Try to get to know something about them that you didn't know before.

[00:03:28] [SPEAKER_00]: Take the family's small talk to a new level.

[00:03:31] [SPEAKER_00]: If you're really different, find some common ground,

[00:03:34] [SPEAKER_00]: or just keep asking questions and then they get to do all of the talking.

[00:03:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Don't be that guy or gal at the table or in the corner just farting around on their phone.

[00:03:44] [SPEAKER_00]: It may not seem like a big deal to you, but it is.

[00:03:48] [SPEAKER_00]: People notice, but it's become so normal that no one says anything.

[00:03:52] [SPEAKER_00]: Try to think of a time where someone was truly present with you.

[00:03:57] [SPEAKER_00]: How did it make you feel?

[00:03:58] [SPEAKER_00]: Now think of a time where the conversation was constantly being interrupted with technology.

[00:04:03] [SPEAKER_00]: How did that make you feel?

[00:04:05] [SPEAKER_00]: From my own experience, I get a little hurt when I'm trying to connect with someone and

[00:04:10] [SPEAKER_00]: their attention is elsewhere.

[00:04:12] [SPEAKER_00]: To me, there's nothing more amazing than pure, deep connection.

[00:04:16] [SPEAKER_00]: I love it.

[00:04:17] [SPEAKER_00]: I get energized from it.

[00:04:19] [SPEAKER_00]: I actually don't do small talk very well.

[00:04:22] [SPEAKER_00]: It's draining and annoying.

[00:04:23] [SPEAKER_00]: I love to get to the good stuff.

[00:04:25] [SPEAKER_00]: If you spent time talking to me, you've experienced it with me.

[00:04:29] [SPEAKER_00]: So when people give me their full attention, it means the world.

[00:04:33] [SPEAKER_00]: And if human connection freaks you out, it's okay.

[00:04:35] [SPEAKER_00]: I know that social anxiety is a real thing.

[00:04:38] [SPEAKER_00]: But social media and other technology feeds into social anxiety.

[00:04:42] [SPEAKER_00]: It's just going to make it worse.

[00:04:45] [SPEAKER_00]: Power through.

[00:04:46] [SPEAKER_00]: You'll be better for it.

[00:04:48] [SPEAKER_00]: All right, I'll step down from my soapbox for now.

[00:04:50] [SPEAKER_00]: But I invite you to take a serious look at how you are connecting.

[00:04:54] [SPEAKER_00]: Separate your time to connect with the people in your everyday life from connecting with the

[00:05:00] [SPEAKER_00]: rest of the world.

[00:05:01] [SPEAKER_00]: That'll make both kinds of interactions more intentional and fulfilling.

[00:05:06] [SPEAKER_00]: I wish you all of the season's blessings and merriment and so forth.

[00:05:10] [SPEAKER_00]: And to all, a good night.

[00:05:12] [SPEAKER_00]: You just listened to the post titled, Give the Present of Presence by Randy K of NaturallyRandyK.com.

[00:05:23] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'll be right back with my commentary.

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[00:06:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you to Randy.

[00:06:33] [SPEAKER_00]: There was a line in there that struck a chord with me.

[00:06:36] [SPEAKER_00]: She said,

[00:06:36] [SPEAKER_00]: The downside of changing a habit is that it makes you more aware of everyone else that is doing the habit you are trying to change.

[00:06:43] [SPEAKER_00]: I've definitely found that to be the case.

[00:06:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Especially as this podcast continues on for years and years.

[00:06:49] [SPEAKER_00]: I've read so many articles.

[00:06:51] [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like many of the themes that come up here start to come a bit more naturally.

[00:06:55] [SPEAKER_00]: And hopefully that's the case with you.

[00:06:57] [SPEAKER_00]: When listening daily, I think it's inevitable that positive aspects will make their way into your day every day.

[00:07:05] [SPEAKER_00]: But then we might start to see how other people could be missing out or how they could be doing better.

[00:07:11] [SPEAKER_00]: And we might think that we're better than them because we've made these realizations

[00:07:16] [SPEAKER_00]: or feel like we need to force our ways upon them.

[00:07:19] [SPEAKER_00]: And especially during this season when we tend to see people more and people we might not have seen in a while.

[00:07:25] [SPEAKER_00]: It can be easy to forget that we've come a long way and these changes didn't happen overnight.

[00:07:31] [SPEAKER_00]: And they're on their own journey.

[00:07:33] [SPEAKER_00]: And we'll have to figure things out themselves.

[00:07:36] [SPEAKER_00]: Sure, a little nudge or hint can help.

[00:07:39] [SPEAKER_00]: But judging or nagging or blaming or pushing probably not going to work.

[00:07:46] [SPEAKER_00]: So something to think about if we're seeing some family and or friends during the holidays.

[00:07:51] [SPEAKER_00]: And I hope you enjoyed this one today.

[00:07:53] [SPEAKER_00]: But I'll leave it there for now.

[00:07:54] [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for listening and being here.

[00:07:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Have a great rest of your day.

[00:07:58] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'll see you tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.