3486: Why Hope Isn’t About a Perfect Future AND Finding The Good In People by Allison Carmen

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[00:01:20] [SPEAKER_02] This is Optimal Living Daily. Why hope isn't about a perfect future and finding the good in people. Both by Alison Carman of AlisonCarman.com. And I'm Justin Malik, your very own personal narrator. This is where I read to you every day covering mental health, minimalism, productivity, happiness, all that fun stuff.

[00:01:44] [SPEAKER_02] I do my best to get permission from authors to read their amazing articles to you to help your day become a little bit better. And my day too, of course. So with that, let's get right to it and continue optimizing your life. Why hope isn't about a perfect future by Alison Carman of AlisonCarman.com. Thich Nhat Hanh famously said,

[00:02:09] [SPEAKER_02] Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today. This quote from his book, Peace is Every Step, The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life, has offered solace to many. Yet in other writings, Hanh cautioned that hope can become an obstacle if we cling to it and lose focus on the present moment.

[00:02:37] [SPEAKER_02] He argued that by letting go of hope, we might discover the joy already available to us. This paradox that hope can both comfort and hinder us captures something deeply human. Hope is complicated. It's deeply personal and often misunderstood. For some, hope is fragile, tethered to a specific outcome, a job promotion, a reconciliation, a particular future.

[00:03:05] [SPEAKER_02] For others, hope is broader and more flexible, a way of facing the unknown with curiosity and openness rather than fear. I fall into the latter camp. For me, hope isn't about predicting a perfect future. It's about finding the energy to keep going. It's what gets us out of bed in the morning, which allows us to start again after failure, to try after heartbreak, to dream when things feel impossible.

[00:03:34] [SPEAKER_02] But there's a trap. When we make hope dependent on specific outcomes, it can betray us. When things don't go our way, hope turns into despair. And despair can paralyze us, keeping us from engaging with the present or seeing the possibilities it holds. The role of certainty. In the end, I've come to believe that conflicts about hope, despair, and our visions for the future aren't really about hope itself.

[00:04:02] [SPEAKER_02] They're about our fear of the unknown. People often crave certainty, cling to it, and grow deeply uncomfortable when it's challenged. Certity feels solid, gives us a sense of control. But life isn't certain. It's inherently fluid, unpredictable, and messy. Certainty may feel comforting, but it also limits us. It locks us into fixed beliefs, shuts down dialogue, and blinds us to possibilities.

[00:04:31] [SPEAKER_02] Certainty tells us we already know how things will turn out, so why bother trying? Or it restricts hope to a single outcome, narrowing the possibilities for our lives. Ultimately, certainty can become a prison, keeping us stuck in despair when things don't go as planned. But when we see uncertainty as an ally, a space where new things can emerge, hope takes on a broader, more meaningful role.

[00:04:57] [SPEAKER_02] It keeps us moving forward with an open mind, reminding us that the future isn't written, that things can change, and that even in the darkest moments, there is still the possibility for light. Why hope matters. Hope isn't about predicting the future or ignoring challenges. It's about staying present with the belief that change is possible. It's what helps us resist despair and embrace the unknown as a space for growth, action, and transformation.

[00:05:26] [SPEAKER_02] Instead of fighting about hope, perhaps we can accept its contradictions and complexities. Hope doesn't have to look the same for everyone. For some, it's about mitigating damage. For others, it's about building anew. It can be found in quiet moments of reflection, bold leaps of faith, or small, steady steps forward. The future is uncertain. And to me, that's a gift.

[00:05:52] [SPEAKER_02] It's in this uncertainty that hope can take root, flourish, and open doors to new possibilities, both in our lives and in the world. Finding the Good in People by Alison Carman of alisoncarman.com Quote,

[00:06:28] [SPEAKER_02] A Hindu monastic vow. When my older daughter was in preschool, I made a very close friend. We often got together with the children and shared the ups and downs of motherhood and balancing a career. Most of all, we shared a lot of laughter. After a few years of really enjoying each other's company, we had a disagreement about a particular situation at the school. My friend got very upset and started to yell and scream at me.

[00:06:57] [SPEAKER_02] She even engaged in name-calling. We obviously saw the situation very differently, but she acted in a way that I had never seen her act before. I tried to approach her several times about what happened, but we just ended up arguing again. After a few weeks of feeling uncomfortable and hurt, I decided that I didn't want a friendship with someone who could get angry so easily and attack me like that. I pulled away from the relationship. Our children were still friends and we were pleasant with each other,

[00:07:26] [SPEAKER_02] but for me, it's not the same. Months later, a mutual friend started to have real difficulty with her marriage and was heading for divorce. This friend of mine that had yelled and screamed at me was so kind and loving towards our troubled friend. I saw all the kindness and generosity in her that I had witnessed during our best times together. We began to spend some afternoons with our mutual friend, laughing and enjoying ourselves like we had in the past.

[00:07:54] [SPEAKER_02] I realized that I had forgotten all of her beautiful qualities because I was so focused on the one that I did not like. So what happened here? I completely shut down when I didn't like what I saw in my friend and turned my back on everything that was so wonderful about her. How often do we do this when we have a mishap with a friend or family member and we see something or a few things about them that we don't care for?

[00:08:20] [SPEAKER_02] Maybe they disappointed us when we needed them, excluded us from a gathering, or acted or said something hurtful to us. We harp and harp on what is wrong with others like flies looking for filth instead of acting like the bees and finding the sweet and magnificent things about them. I'm not saying that the people in our lives are not responsible for their behavior or that we shouldn't feel hurt, but maybe we need to gain a larger perspective on our relationships.

[00:08:50] [SPEAKER_02] For some reason, my friend lost her cool that day, and maybe we would never agree on what happened. Yet, when I made the effort to look at who she is on the whole, I saw again that she is a wonderful human being whose friendship I really enjoy. I almost threw it all away because I saw one quality in her I did not like. Maybe we can all spend some time today thinking about the special qualities of the people in our lives.

[00:09:18] [SPEAKER_02] There's a sweetness to the moments we share together when we're open enough to seek the good in people. You just listened to the post titled, Why Hope Isn't About a Perfect Future? And Finding the Good in People, both by Alison Carman of alisoncarman.com. And I'll be right back with my commentary. Think of Alison. That was a nice monastic vow, the metaphor of the fly versus the bee.

[00:09:49] [SPEAKER_02] I've definitely been the fly sometimes, especially in my younger years, focusing on what's wrong instead of what's right. It's easy to let one negative interaction overshadow a bunch of positive ones. It's like we have some kind of built-in negativity bias that makes us remember the one time someone let us down more than the hundred times they showed up for us. It's tough. But like Alison's story shows, we usually miss out on so much good when we do that.

[00:10:17] [SPEAKER_02] So maybe today we can both try to be more like the bee, looking for the honey, the good in people, instead of focusing on their faults. Might be easier said than done, but worth the effort. Let me know if this resonates with you. I always enjoy hearing your thoughts on these kinds of topics. You can get in touch at oldpodcast.com. You can also reply to my weekly newsletter. You can also find that weekly newsletter at oldpodcast.com. And with that, have a great rest of your day, and I'll see you tomorrow for the Friday show,

[00:10:45] [SPEAKER_02] where your optimal life awaits.