3529: How to Support Your Friend's Mental Health by Sara Stanizai on How to Be A Better Listener

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Living Daily, How to Support Your Friends Mental Health by Sara Stanizai of ProspectTherapy.com and I'm Justin Malik. Welcome back to a Sunday bonus episode where I give you a little extra content from a podcast in our network that I think will also help you live a life that's a bit more meaningful and happier. Today's episode is coming from Optimal Relationships Daily. So without further ado, here's Greg with another post and his commentary as we optimize your life.

[00:00:32] How to Support Your Friends Mental Health by Sara Stanizai of ProspectTherapy.com Listening is an act of love. Everyone just needs to be heard, to know that they belong, that their feelings make sense, and they're not alone. Guess what? You can do this for the people in your life, no therapy degree required. But you're a good friend, you already knew that. Because you're a good friend, you may have noticed them struggling with their mental or emotional health,

[00:01:00] maybe even before they've noticed it themselves. You're not sure about the best way to support them and they still need help. You might think that they could benefit from therapy, but how do you bring that up? Look, it's not easy to call some random professional, especially if you're struggling with depression, anxiety, or something else that makes it hard to commit to doing things. Hearing it from a trusted person can help people decide to take action. You could be that trusted person. Just make sure you do these things for your friend too.

[00:01:30] Number one, hear them out. Literally, just be quiet. That's the first thing I learned in therapy school. Just kidding, sort of. Keep your mouth shut and hear them out. If they're overwhelmed, angry, or really sad, and they're actually sharing it with you, that's a sign of trust. Let them have their space. Number two, don't tell them what to do. Do not overload them with advice, even if your advice is really, really good. Wait for them to bring it up.

[00:01:59] They might ask, what do you think? You can ask, how can I help? Or are you open to some advice? If they say, no, I just need to vent, or I already know what to do, respect that. Unsolicited advice, except in the form of super cool blog posts, isn't helpful. If anything, it just adds to their feelings of overwhelm.

[00:02:19] You probably know from experience, people rarely follow through on suggestions they didn't ask for. The nice thing is, they'll know you're there for them when they're ready for advice. Number three, don't make it about you. People are vulnerable when they're struggling. Sharing your own vulnerability can help them feel not judged. Talking about your personal experience can put things in perspective, but don't expect your friend to have the same response.

[00:02:46] Plus, people in the midst of struggling don't want to hear that you fixed your same issues overnight. Slow blink. Just because therapy or something else worked for you, doesn't mean it will work for them, or that they're ready for it. Number four, ask, don't accuse. Maybe your friend doesn't realize that this has become a problem. Or maybe they don't realize how obvious it is to their friends and family. Bringing it up the wrong way can cause them to pull away.

[00:03:13] You might notice a change in their mood, behavior, how often you see them, or their energy before they do. Depending on your relationship, it can be okay to point this out with kindness. Don't accuse, just notice, and ask, Hey, we haven't seen you in a while. I started to wonder if you're okay. How are things with that new project at work? You might not get the answer you want or are expecting. Let it go. Number five, be specific.

[00:03:41] If your friend is clear about wanting advice and you have a good idea of what's bothering them, then you can make an informed suggestion. I think you should talk to someone. Is okay to say. Hey, I actually know someone who focuses on working with, insert what your friend needs help with. That's a little more encouraging and helpful. It also takes away from some of the stigma associated with seeking mental and emotional health support. There are many ways that you can get help, depending on what's bothering you.

[00:04:08] It could be joining a meetup, finding a gym you like, getting acupuncture, starting a medication, working with a coach, or something else that helps you heal and move forward. Therapy is just one of many options. And therapy can be helpful if you've tried all of the above and still aren't feeling better. It can also help you have a better understanding of what's bothering you in the first place. Once you know that, you can figure out what you need to do in order to heal. As a therapist, I'm not in the business of making people need therapy.

[00:04:37] Yes, I think everyone can benefit from therapy, but there are many ways to cultivate wellness. We rely on our friends and chosen family for a lot. Being kind and honest about offering help doesn't have to be weird. You just listened to the post titled, How to Support Your Friend's Mental Health, by Sarah Stanetsai of prospecttherapy.com. And many thanks to Sarah for sharing this post, a post that we can all use, no doubt.

[00:05:06] You might find it difficult to take this controlled approach, though. Depending on how strong the friendship is and how protective you are, or how important it maybe is for you to feel as though you're helping, it can be easy to start mistaking your friend or other loved one's feelings for your responsibility. And obviously, this shows a lot of care and devotion on your part, making it easy to feel like the right thing to do. But stepping in too much for your friend and trying to fight their battles for them

[00:05:35] can be really disempowering for them, as well as disempowering for the relationship between you, even if they do ask you to step in and save them by relying on you too much and sort of asking you to fight this battle for them. And that's why Sarah's advice here is a lot more reflective of a co-pilot, right? Or someone who's offering support, but not taking over. We ultimately want to set troubled loved ones up to make strides on their own, and removing ourselves from the action, yet not detaching emotionally,

[00:06:05] is a very vital part of that. So, look to this post to help you walk the line of avoiding unnecessary martyrdom while still being really present and loving and engaging. So, a lot to think about, everyone. It is time to wrap things up, though. I thank you as always for joining today. I hope you found this post to be as helpful as I did. And do be sure to check out our weekly bonus episode that's up now as well. So, I'll see you there, where your optimal life awaits.