3582: The Art of Holding Paradox by Kathy Robinson of Athena Wellness on Being Open-Minded and Creative Problem Solving

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_00] Life pulls us in so many directions. With work, family, and our health all needing our attention, it can be difficult to make decisions that are aligned with what we care about most. If this resonates with you, I recommend the audiobook, What We Value from communications and psychology professor Dr. Emily Falk. She'll guide you through making more purposeful choices that feel authentic to you.

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[00:01:16] [SPEAKER_00] And I'm Justin Malek, your very own personal narrator. Welcome to Optimal Living Daily, OLD for short, where I read articles to you every day, the best ones I can find with permission from the authors, covering productivity, minimalism, personal development, and more. So with that, let's get right to our next post as we optimize your life. The Art of Holding Paradox by Kathy Robinson of AthenaWellness.com

[00:01:46] [SPEAKER_00] Is it just me or does our world seem increasingly tumultuous and erratic? Is this new or am I just getting older? Could it be I'm just misremembering the past few decades when things seemed a little more even keel? Lately, I've been noticing an interesting pattern in conversation, whether with podcast guests or discussions with family and friends. We're processing a lot as we try to make sense of our world, one that seems to grow in complexity each day.

[00:02:12] [SPEAKER_00] I've been looking for a way to work through the upheaval, whether it's personal, professional, or through larger themes, such as the underlying feeling of national discord or the broader global turmoil that's intensifying. A practice I've written about before is that of holding a question. Recently, I've found it helpful to expand that practice to holding the paradox. A paradox is simply a contradictory statement that when explored, we may find elements of truth,

[00:02:41] [SPEAKER_00] like the more you learn, the less you know. What can be more confusing in these times is when we're asked to take sides on an issue, to see things as binary, as yes or no, as either or. Yet what is bringing me more peace of mind and heart these days is expanding the either or view to both and. The practice of considering a both and view doesn't ask that we agree with opposing views,

[00:03:07] [SPEAKER_00] but it does ask us to allow the space for multiple experiences, opinions, and possibilities. I find the more I practice the art of holding paradox, the more positive the effect on my well-being. Paradoxical thinking gives us the opportunity to approach our challenges from different angles instead of one perspective for a deeper understanding and more inclusive resolution. This is the power of honing the ability to hold attention of multiple opinions and experiences simultaneously.

[00:03:37] [SPEAKER_00] I find that when I do this, I feel a sense of peace, like the pressure to be on the right side of the situation eases, and I can go deeper to explore the underlying themes without emotion. Less struggle means less negative emotional spirals. Utilizing a paradox mindset permits me to live with competing perspectives and use them as a springboard to learn and grow versus expending energy on situations that aren't resolvable in this moment.

[00:04:07] [SPEAKER_00] This doesn't let me off the hook. It doesn't suggest inaction. However, I get to choose. Is this a place where I want to help? Is there something I can improve? And if I don't feel that calling, can I be at peace with what is? Can I shift my vantage point to see there's a purpose in this situation, even if I can't understand it at this time? I've also come to learn that a paradox mindset can be developed. Like any other wellness asset,

[00:04:34] [SPEAKER_00] if we can accept the discomfort of change long enough to see results, the more likely we'll continue and deepen the practice. As we begin to experience more peaceful, creative thinking that results in new possibilities for long-term collaborative solutions, the more we'll be willing to engage in paradoxical thinking until it becomes our default mode. There's a time and place for binary choices, especially when we need to make a quick decision or there's less gray area and the choice is clear.

[00:05:03] [SPEAKER_00] But a fixed mindset applied to all situations can result in narrowing our vision and limiting our choices. It can also bind us to outcome, resulting in the need to defend our way of thinking. Conversely, the both and approach is useful when making decisions with long-term impact or ones where roots run deep and it's helpful to validate different perspectives. So one approach does not replace the other. A both and approach can work in these times of confusion,

[00:05:33] [SPEAKER_00] conflict, and exhaustion. It's a great tool for the wholehearted living toolkit, a Swiss army knife for sitting in the tension, embracing all the feelings and experiences while inviting possibility. Here are some practical ways to utilize paradoxical thinking to enhance our well-being. Number one, shift from problem solving to paradox holding. Think less about solving the challenge and more about acknowledging its size and complexity.

[00:06:02] [SPEAKER_00] Commit to trying a new approach of just being in the situation with full presence. Number two, hold the tension and accept the discomfort. Including tension and discomfort in the equation allows us to prepare ourselves for what's ahead in a way that's healthy and part of the process, focusing us on what we can actually control, our outlook and actions. Number three, inquire with open-ended questions to reframe.

[00:06:30] [SPEAKER_00] Curiosity is your friend in times of change and uncertainty. Examples of open-ended questions include, how is it for you regarding, tell me more about? What are your thoughts on, if you could, how would you? How might we? How can we include both views? Number four, keep emotions at bay. Take a pause. Consider the impact of expressing your emotions

[00:06:57] [SPEAKER_00] and how you might be able to do so in a healthy way. Giving ourselves an emotional buffer allows the feelings to keep moving and not be repressed while minimizing the impact on our decisions and to others. And number five, explore the ideas that differ from your current thinking. Our default in processing information is against our preset beliefs. The challenge is to expand that information processing realm to include diverse views. What can you learn?

[00:07:26] [SPEAKER_00] Are there connections you haven't considered? How might the combination of ideas create new possibilities? The purpose of stepping through this thought process is to look for patterns that bring us to new vantage points. Many times when we feel overwhelmed and tension, it's because we're either not seeing the inner connections or trying to resolve a situation that needs to be addressed with a broader perspective. What we find when we hold a paradox is that what's on the other side is insight.

[00:07:56] [SPEAKER_00] Born out of the sometimes uncomfortable tension is a breakthrough in understanding that can turn disagreement into exploration and defensiveness into reflection. If there's one takeaway for you, my hope is this. It's possible that a sense of richness can arise from life's complexities. Beyond binary thought is fertile territory where you can find consensus and kindness with yourself and with others.

[00:08:24] [SPEAKER_00] For me, this approach feels like a deep breath, a space to work through life experience. The deeper I go within, the more interconnectedness I find. Another paradox. I hope this post gives you some food for thought. Interestingly, the phrase food for thought is a metaphor and not a paradox. However, paradoxes can be considered food for thought. I'd like to leave you today with a quote from the 13th century Sufi poet Rumi, who I'm guessing wrote this while pondering paradoxical thinking.

[00:08:54] [SPEAKER_00] Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. And I'll meet you there. You just listened to the post titled, The Art of Holding Paradox by Kathy Robinson of AthenaWellness.com. And I'll be right back with my commentary. You know what's frustrating? Coming home to find a trail of ants marching across your packages at the front door. That happened to me last month. Ants and these tiny springtails were all over my packages,

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[00:10:22] [SPEAKER_00] here on the show that is holding paradox. But I can definitely relate to that feeling of things being more complex these days and how divisive and binary things seem to be. I say it a lot, but I like to read different authors with different perspectives basically for the reasons Kathy talks about in this post. Sometimes I'll read one perspective one day and then almost the complete opposite view the next day. And I found that rather than trying to decide which one is quote unquote right,

[00:10:50] [SPEAKER_00] it's more helpful to just sit with both ideas and see what I can learn from each of them. Or if it's actionable advice, try the one that sounds like it'll work best for me or that I'll find most enjoyable. And then maybe I won't and I can try the other one. And that roomy quote is a great place to end the article and this episode because of how much divisiveness there is these days. So I'll repeat it for you. Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field.

[00:11:20] [SPEAKER_00] I'll meet you there. That'll do it for today. Hope you're having a great one and I'll see you tomorrow out in the field where your optimal life awaits.