3594: There Is No Expert on You by Lori Deschene of Tiny Buddha on Inner Wisdom and Self-Trust

[00:00:00] Kennt ihr auch diesen einen Freund, der morgens einfach so ruckzuck aus dem Bett und danach aus dem Grinsen gar nicht mehr rauskommt? Der sogar noch vor dem ersten Kaffee unverschämt gut gelaunt ist und mit der Morgensonne um die Wette strahlt? Furchtbar, ekelhaft, wie kann man nur so... Ausgeruht sein? Ganz einfach, trainiere deinen Schlaf und werde auch du zum Morgenmenschen. Mit der Galaxy Watch 7 oder dem Galaxy Ring und der Samsung Health App.

[00:00:24] Hey Sandra, wir haben uns ja lange nicht mehr gesehen. Grüß dich Nadine! Mensch, du siehst ja toll aus! Ja danke, ich habe mein Plus fürs gesündere Ich entdeckt. Was? Komm, ich zeig's dir! Die Bewegungskurse der AOK Plus. Kostenfrei für AOK Plus Versicherte. Entdecke dein Plus fürs gesündere Ich und starte mit unserem Self-Check. Ganz einfach online auf aok.de. Aus Liebe zur Gesundheit. AOK Plus.

[00:00:55] This is Optimal Living Daily. There is no expert on you. By Laurie Deshane of tinybuddha.com. And I'm Justin Mollick, your host and narrator. And we're going to get right to it as we optimize your life. There is no expert on you. By Laurie Deshane of tinybuddha.com. Quote,

[00:01:20] Believe nothing, no matter where you read it or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and common sense. Buddha. Sometimes it seems to me that we are collectively obsessed with expert advice. In some cases, it makes sense to consult an authority. When you're planning for retirement, it's smart to seek out a financial planner. When you're starting a business, by all means sit down with someone who's done what you aspire to do.

[00:01:50] And when your dog gets sick, it's probably smart to call your veterinarian instead of relying on your gut instincts. But when it comes to the decisions we need to make for ourselves, the experts can easily become a crutch. When I first arrived in San Francisco, I accepted my first full-time writing job for a company that published Senior Care Guides. I was new to blogging and so were my employers.

[00:02:13] After a few months of writing polished articles that received hardly any traffic, the editor-in-chief decided the key to attracting a wider audience was to create a panel of experts who would cover a wide variety of relevant topics. What struck me is that readers often asked questions when they needed to make a difficult decision and were looking more for validation than information.

[00:02:38] The best example was when a woman with an aging mother asked if seniors with no prior mental health issues frequently get depressed in nursing homes. Seems to me that what she was looking for was less about statistics, which she could have found by Googling, and more about confirmation that her elderly mother wouldn't be unhappy if she moved her into a home. But no expert can provide that answer.

[00:03:04] Sometimes there isn't an answer, and there won't be, until we act and then learn the consequences of our choices. I can understand the allure of confirmation. I spent a decade in therapy, starting when I was 12. All through my adolescence, I looked forward to sessions to validate my feelings, hoping my therapist would authorize even the most minor decisions, essentially ensuring my world wouldn't fall apart because I found the courage to be assertive or honest.

[00:03:33] At some point in my late teens, I became a psychic junkie, regularly visiting my local tea room for insights into my future. They rarely gave me any concrete information, but they always ended each session with, everything's going to be okay. This one moment was what I paid for. Absolute verification from someone who I believed knew that nothing bad was going to happen. I suspect this is what fuels the self-help industry,

[00:04:01] and it's why we get so attached to comforting beliefs. We want there to be far more absolutes than there are, and we don't want to have to carry the weight of our choices alone. Sometimes in looking for emotional backup, we give our power away, and oftentimes to people who know far less about what we need than we think. It's an interesting thing about perceived experts. Our perceptions aren't always accurate.

[00:04:28] In their book, Sway the Irresistible Pull of Irrational Behavior, Ori and Ron Brofman explore a concept known as value attribution, what they describe as a quick mental shortcut to help us decide what warrants our attention. Essentially, this idea suggests that once we assign a certain value to a person or thing, that understanding influences how we translate new information. So if you decide someone is an authority on a subject,

[00:04:58] you're more likely to take their words to heart, whereas you likely wouldn't put your trust in someone who doesn't seem to have any credentials. As an example, the authors cite the unknown scientist Eugene Dubois' search for the missing link back in the 1800s. Although he unearthed fossils from what is now known as Homo erectus, anthropologists refuse to believe he made a major discovery in human evolution. Years later, the well-respected Charles Dawson,

[00:05:27] not to be confused with Charles Darwin, presented the London British Museum with fossils from what he named Piltdown Man for the city where he found them. The skull appeared to have been dipped in brown paint for an aged effect, and the jaw actually came from an orangutan. Since this discovery confirmed that civilization began in England, which pleased the British, and the scientific community valued Dawson as reputable, they believed what was, in retrospect, a pretty obvious deception.

[00:05:57] They valued his words because of what they wanted to believe and who he was, even though his words were completely untrue. It happens all the time in the modern world. You see a self-help book from a best-selling author and assume it's a groundbreaking resource before even reading it. Or someone offers you something for free, and in the end, you devalue it. If it costs nothing, it doesn't appear to be worth something. The value we attribute to people and things

[00:06:24] isn't always an accurate reflection of the value they can offer us, particularly when we're looking for answers to avoid the pain of acknowledging there aren't any. At the end of the day, we need to know when we know all we can, and then we need to act and own that choice. All the good advice in the world won't change that the future is unpredictable, and even counsel from an expert with a wall full of degrees can't guarantee a specific outcome.

[00:06:54] The experts don't have all the answers. Sometimes there aren't any absolute answers. More often than not, the real answer is that we have to use our own instincts and common sense and accept that what will be, will be. You just listened to the post titled, There is no expert on you, by Laurie Deshane of tinybuddha.com, and I'll be right back with my commentary.

[00:07:23] This show is sponsored by Liquid IV. Hydration isn't just chugging water, it's about absorbing it effectively. That's where Liquid IV shines. Their formula combines allulose and amino acids for efficient absorption, keeping electrolytes in your system for up to four hours. It's clinically studied, hydrating better than water alone. I love the raspberry and lemonade hydration multiplier. It's a burst of true-to-fruit flavor. Whether I'm powering through a workout or traveling,

[00:07:50] I tear, pour, and sip for instant hydration. And Liquid IV's sugar-free flavors are delicious with no artificial sweeteners. With three times the electrolytes of leading sports drinks, plus eight essential vitamins, it's non-GMO, vegan, and gluten-free. Break the mold and own your ritual. Just one stick and 16 ounces of water hydrates better than water alone. Give yourself the power of extraordinary hydration from Liquid IV. Get 20% off your first order of Liquid IV

[00:08:20] when you go to liquidiv.com and use code OLD at checkout. That's 20% off your first order with code OLD at liquidiv.com. The origins of this podcast were once just a dream. That dream turned into the podcast and business you're listening to today. Starting your own business is a dream lots of us share, but too many of us let it remain just a dream. Don't hold yourself back thinking, what if I don't have the skills? What if I can't do it alone?

[00:08:49] Turn those what-ifs into why-nots with Shopify by your side. Shopify powers millions of businesses worldwide and handles 10% of all e-commerce in the US from household names like Mattel to brands just getting started. Build campaigns that reach customers wherever they're scrolling. Plus, Shopify's expertise covers everything, inventory, shipping, returns, and beyond. If you're ready to sell, you're ready for Shopify. Turn those dreams into

[00:09:19] and give them the best shot at success with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com slash old. Go to shopify.com slash OLD. Shopify.com slash old. Thank you to Lori. I've been doing this podcast for many years now, reading thousands of articles, but this was a great reminder that sometimes we're looking for answers outside of ourselves

[00:09:48] when we've got a pretty good compass inside already. We've probably all chased experts for validation. Like when I first started meditating, hours a day sometimes, trying to get it right, I'd read every book, listen to every guru, hoping someone would tell me I was doing it correctly or that it'd fix all my problems. And spoiler alert, nobody could tell me that. I had to figure out what worked for me through trial and error, like sitting for just 10 minutes in the morning

[00:10:16] instead of forcing an hour because some expert said so. Same with this podcast. There was a ton of advice, but over time I realized it's just me talking to you like I would an old friend sharing what resonates. And I'm reading these articles for a reason. They're helpful, but it's about using them as a guide, not a rule book. Like minimalist Mondays on this show, we can get so caught up chasing the perfect way to declutter that we forget to ask ourselves what we want our life to look like.

[00:10:47] For me, it's not about fitting all my possessions into a backpack. It's about having a closet that doesn't stress me out when I open it. And no expert can tell me different. So maybe today or next time you're stuck on a decision, big or small, ask yourself, what do I think is the right move here? Not what the internet says, not what your friend says, but what your gut's telling you. Hopefully that helps. So thank you again to Lori for this one and thank you for being here with me on this journey.

[00:11:17] If you're getting something out of this show, I'd love it if you could do me a favor and please share it with someone who might need a little nudge to trust themselves today. Have a great rest of your day and I'll catch you tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.