3637: How To Really Start Showing Up For Your Life by Shawna Scafe of Simple On Purpose on Growth and Authenticity

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[00:01:00] [SPEAKER_00] This is Optimal Living Daily, How to Really Start Showing Up for Your Life by Shauna Scaife of simpleonpurpose.ca. And I'm your narrator, Justin Malek, reading articles to give us a little step in the right direction every single day. So with that, let's get right to it as we optimize your life. How to Really Start Showing Up for Your Life by Shauna Scaife of simpleonpurpose.ca.

[00:01:28] [SPEAKER_00] There's a cliche saying, get comfortable with discomfort. A few years ago, I'd roll my eyes at this saying that obviously does not apply to me. Now this saying is like a daily reminder about how I want to live life. About six years ago, it hit me that I was living my life on autopilot. I was complacent in my health, my relationships, my parenting, my home, and everything. I just let life happen to me.

[00:01:57] [SPEAKER_00] Then I complained about how crappy it was. Why was I stuck on autopilot? One part was that I never opened my eyes to my right or responsibility to be the guide of my life. The other major part was because it was familiar. It was comfortable. The cost of autopilot living. When we're on autopilot, we are asleep to where we have control in our lives and how we can use this control to build up the life we want to be living.

[00:02:26] [SPEAKER_00] When we live by default, we'll spend our daily life in a cycle of avoiding pain and seeking pleasure. It's the easiest way to get through the day. We're making decisions to stay comfortable. But in this state of maintaining comfort, we're also not pursuing the life that we crave, the things that would be fruitful in our lives. We aren't taking action that we would feel deeply proud of. We're just getting through the day. We might be comfortable, but we aren't feeling happy.

[00:02:56] [SPEAKER_00] And here's where we have let ourselves down. We think that it's normal always to be happy. Therefore, something is wrong with us if we are unhappy, or even worse, when those around us are unhappy. Then we feel unhappy about being unhappy. We double down on unhappiness. At this point, most of us turn to little ways to make us feel better and avoid feeling the ick. Usually we turn to the nearest available indulgence, an easy hit.

[00:03:23] [SPEAKER_00] We turn to social media, food, drink, complaining, judging, binging waffles, shopping. I don't say this to point fingers. I say this because I live this too. What do we turn to to make us feel better and more comfortable? Is it serving us? Is it life-giving or ultimately making our lives harder? We might be choosing ways of seeking comfort that are actually making us more uncomfortable in the long run.

[00:03:52] [SPEAKER_00] Habits, addictions, sneak eating the pantry every nap time, been there, pulling away from others. These things do not make our lives better. They usually make them harder. Living a life that fulfills us, feels authentic, and feels life-giving is an uncomfortable thing to get. In my experience, it is uncomfortable to muster up bravery, to make hard decisions, to operate with commitment rather than comfort, and do the hard work

[00:04:21] [SPEAKER_00] rather than look for the easy way out. But as we go through the motions, what we learn is that avoiding discomfort keeps us stuck, which can sometimes be a lot more painful than experiencing the discomfort itself. What happens when we keep avoiding the discomfort of showing up for our lives? When we tune out our emotional self and lose touch with how we're feeling and why, then we wonder why others tune us out. We develop a very low tolerance for negative emotions

[00:04:49] [SPEAKER_00] in ourselves and those around us. We start to rely on these false pleasures to help us numb our negative feelings, which might lead to addiction or habits we feel shame over. We spend a lot of energy avoiding negative feelings, and it burns us out, which makes us feel even queer. And we just kind of stop showing up for our life because it isn't happy, and then we're bummed out that our life isn't what we want it to be. Over the past few years,

[00:05:17] [SPEAKER_00] I've been practicing being uncomfortable. I wanted to live my actual life as it was, negative and uncomfortable feelings and all, rather than coast uncomfortable. I've committed myself to paying attention to how I'm feeling and to the ways I'm checking out. And I'll tell you this, it sucks. It sucks realizing the things that make me uncomfortable. Try this. Make a list of the things that you tried to avoid or flat out avoided because they make you uncomfortable.

[00:05:47] [SPEAKER_00] Things you avoid in parenting, in relationships, in social settings, in your health, in your heart, in your home. I made this list, and it was gross to be so honest and also so eye-opening to the life I was avoiding. It also plain sucks sitting with this discomfort, just letting it be there without reacting to it, stress and negative self-talk, or distracting from it, giving me all the sugar and quick fixes.

[00:06:17] [SPEAKER_00] When this discomfort shows up, my brain instantly spazzes into a fury of winces and doubts about it because it just wants to do what it has always done, stay comfortable, avoid pain. Before I started looking for ways to let myself sit with discomfort, I would have thought this cliche saying, get comfortable with discomfort, was only for hustling megapreneurs or professional volleyball players. No, it's for everyone because every day,

[00:06:46] [SPEAKER_00] life is uncomfortable. When someone disagrees with you, like my husband is allowed to think whatever he wants and doesn't have to agree with me. When you are alone at home and you feel restless or lonely. When you're frustrated but can't quite put your finger on it so you start looking for reasons to be mad at life. When you're talking to someone and you aren't sure if they dislike you or if you're in your own head and reading into everything. Can I ever just assume the best? What is that about?

[00:07:13] [SPEAKER_00] When your kids have been crying or whining or fighting and it's 4.52 p.m. and you're mentally exhausted every day and want to punch the clock on parenting and just make the tension go away. As I said, this is gross and humbling. This is the work of living life on purpose, of being intentional, of making a change. This is the work people don't often share because it isn't glamorous and self-promoting. But see what it is telling us?

[00:07:42] [SPEAKER_00] See where the light shines through the cracks on relationships, on living a passionate life, on being responsible for your own feelings, on showing up in your life, your work, your marriage, your motherhood, the hard and life-giving work of experiencing life. The truth that we need to remember. What it all comes down to, what I tell myself and my clients is this truth. You can stay where you are and that is uncomfortable

[00:08:11] [SPEAKER_00] or you can make a change and that is uncomfortable. So choose your discomfort. One is familiar and keeps you on this path of status quo. The other is new and intimidating but will lead you to your desired life. You just listened to the post titled, How to Really Start Showing Up for Your Life by Shauna Scaife of simpleonpurpose.ca and I'll be right back with my commentary.

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[00:10:36] [SPEAKER_00] Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com slash old. Go to shopify.com slash OLD. Shopify.com slash old. Thank you to Shauna. That saying, get comfortable with discomfort is definitely one that comes up a lot here on this show. And like her, I think a few years ago, I might've heard it and thought, yeah, yeah, easy for you to say. But it really is a big one.

[00:11:05] [SPEAKER_00] It's so true how easy it is to fall into that autopilot mode, just trying to stay comfortable and avoid anything that doesn't feel good. We're just trying to get through the day, seeking those little hits of pleasure, whether it's social media or snacks, to numb out the stuff we don't want to feel. But working with discomfort, that's where the amazing comes from. And I really like how she wraps it up. She said, you can stay where you are and that is uncomfortable,

[00:11:33] [SPEAKER_00] or you can make a change and that is uncomfortable. So choose your discomfort. It's a really great quote. I'll probably put that into our weekly newsletter. It's a great way to look at it. One keeps you stuck and the other, even though it is hard, leads you to the life you actually want. So good stuff to think about there. But with that, thank you for being here every day with me. That'll do it for today. Have a great rest of your day and I'll see you tomorrow as usual, where your optimal life awaits. corr jackets Fal�

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