3998: Finding A New Way To React To Problems by Allison Carmen on Emotional Regulation

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[00:00:47] [SPEAKER_00] This is Optimal Living Daily, Finding A New Way To React To Problems by Allison Carmen of AllisonCarmen.com. And I'm Justin Malik, your personal narrator. We're going to jump right into our next article as we optimize your life. Finding A New Way To React To Problems by Allison Carmen of AllisonCarmen.com.

[00:01:17] [SPEAKER_00] The other day, my husband was pulling out of a parking spot, and we got into a car accident. It was just a fender bender, but enough to cause a significant amount of damage to our car. As my husband got out of the car and approached the other driver, I heard him angrily say, You did not signal! The guy answered back in an agitated tone, I did signal, you didn't see me. As they went back and forth, I jumped out of the car and said to the fellow, He spontaneously said,

[00:01:47] [SPEAKER_00] Thank goodness no one is hurt. Then he quickly said, Cars are easy to fix. People are harder to fix. As my husband called the insurance company, we introduced ourselves, his name was Tony, and just started chatting about life. After about 30 minutes, I had to leave because I had tickets for a show uptown. My husband and Tony stayed and waited for the police. By the time my husband met me later, he knew Tony's entire life story, and Tony had asked my husband to have lunch sometime.

[00:02:14] [SPEAKER_00] When our car was appraised, the damage was more expensive than I had expected. I have to deal with the insurance company, go to the police precinct to pick up the report, and take my car to the shop to be fixed for two weeks. So it is definitely creating an inconvenience in my life. But since my conversation with Tony, I don't mind that much. I think about the moment when our eyes met, and we both decided that we didn't feel like being angry about it. There was a choice. It's not that having emotions are bad, it's just that in this particular situation,

[00:02:42] [SPEAKER_00] it was clear that we could both be angry and suffer, or accept the situation and make the best of it. There are so many situations throughout our day that could cause us to feel angry or annoyed. For example, a kitchen appliance breaks just before a holiday dinner. We are late for an appointment because we are stuck in traffic or in the subway. Our child will not go to bed on time. We have to wait in a really long line to fill a prescription or buy a cup of coffee, or a friend cancels plans at the last minute. The list goes on and on.

[00:03:11] [SPEAKER_00] In the big picture, none of these things seem like such a big deal, but each incident can derail our mood and sometimes can take us in a direction that snowballs for the rest of the day. So how can we be more aware of our reactions to the minor collisions, pun intended, during the day? Here are a few tips. Number one, the minute you feel agitation or annoyance, say to yourself, maybe everything is still okay. It sounds so simple, but it works.

[00:03:38] [SPEAKER_00] It gives us just enough time to stop and get our bearings, because most often we get upset because we have lost our way. We forget the big picture and just how insignificant this one thing that is bothering us is. We can then see we are suffering unnecessarily. Number two, breathe, breathe, breathe. Take five long breaths in and out slowly. You can never go wrong with this tactic. It takes the energy out of your mind and into your body.

[00:04:07] [SPEAKER_00] It will slow your thoughts down and allow you to see the situation more for what it is, and so be less reactive. Number three, recently I took up the practice of transcendental meditation, and I find that it really helps me calm my mind throughout the whole day. You could also use an object like keys or a bracelet and focus on it, noticing all of its qualities to bring your mind away from what is bothering you and allow some space within which to calm down.

[00:04:33] [SPEAKER_00] Number four, some people like to make a list of the things that are important to them and keep it with them, bringing it out and looking at it a few times a day. If a problem arises that does not fall on the list, they immediately gain some perspective on their emotions. It doesn't mean the situation won't bother you, but it can help align your reaction to the importance of the issue. Sure, there are difficult situations that come up each day that will not be on the list, but if it's really not what you consider important, then you'll be less likely to waste energy on it.

[00:05:03] [SPEAKER_00] These are just a few examples of how we can choose a different, more measured reaction to a situation. It is not always easy, but always worth a try. It is not about suppressing emotions, but instead examining them and giving yourself perspective while you're in the midst of an unexpected or challenging situation. For me, what transpired in that moment after the accident saved me from being unproductively angry and aggravated these past few weeks.

[00:05:29] [SPEAKER_00] And that evening, I was able to go uptown, enjoy the show, and go out for dinner. And who knows, maybe we will meet Tony for lunch someday. However, if we ever go together in a car, I will put Tony and my husband in the backseat and I will drive. You just listened to the post titled, Finding a New Way to React to Problems, by Allison Carmen of AllisonCarman.com. And I'll be right back with my commentary.

[00:05:58] [SPEAKER_00] Dell PCs with Intel inside are built for the moments that matter, for the moments you plan and the ones you don't. Built for the busy days that turn into all-night study sessions. The moment you're working from a cafe and realize every outlet's taken. The times you're deep in your flow, and the absolute last thing you need is an auto-update throwing off your momentum. That's why Dell builds tech that adapts to the way you actually work.

[00:06:25] [SPEAKER_00] Built with long-lasting battery, so you're not scrambling for the closest outlet. And built-in intelligence that makes updates around your schedule, not in the middle of it. They don't build tech for tech's sake, they build it for you. Find technology built for the way you work at dell.com slash dellpcs. Built for you. I'm constantly thinking about how to optimize my health,

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[00:07:20] [SPEAKER_00] for an additional $20 off your membership. Thank you, Allison. I can definitely relate to that spiral where one thing goes wrong, and it kind of pulls other things down with it. I think the hardest part is catching yourself before the reaction has already taken over, because once you're in it, it's tough to climb back out. But the accident story is a really good example of what can happen if we just pause for a second. Both of them could have been angry,

[00:07:50] [SPEAKER_00] but they chose not to, and the whole thing changed for the better. Her first tip might be the most underrated one, I think. Just saying to yourself, maybe everything is still okay. Such a small thing, but it really could break the pattern before it spirals. We've also heard on this show that just naming what you're feeling in the moment, like, I feel annoyed right now. That can help. You go from being overwhelmed by the emotion to sort of observing it.

[00:08:20] [SPEAKER_00] And observing it gives you a little more choice about what happens next. So next time something small gets you off track, maybe try that. Just pause. Maybe everything is still okay. So thank you again to Allison. Thank you for being here every day and learning along with me. Have a great rest of your day, and I'll see you tomorrow as usual. Where your optimal life awaits.