4000: What to Do About Those People Who Sidetracked Your Life by Chris Guillebeau on Moving Forward

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[00:00:30] [SPEAKER_03] This is Optimal Living Daily. What to Do About Those People Who Sidetracked Your Life by Chris Guillebeau of ChrisGuillebeau.com And I'm Justin Malik, the guy reading to you to give you just a little dose of positivity every single day. So with that, let's get right to it as we optimize your life. What to Do About Those People Who Sidetracked Your Life by Chris Guillebeau of ChrisGuillebeau.com

[00:01:00] [SPEAKER_03] This article doesn't have much to do with travel hacking or unconventional work. And in fact, it will only apply to a minority of the people who hear it. If you've always had a great life and nothing truly unfair has ever happened to you, feel free to skip this one. There's lots of other great reading out there elsewhere. But for the rest of you, this one goes out to everyone who has had terrible things happen to them that weren't their fault. I had a list of examples here that I thought fit the subject, but then I took out the list because

[00:01:28] [SPEAKER_03] who am I to judge what is terrible and what is just bad? In the end, only a person who has been victimized, abused, or otherwise harmed knows the degree to which they have been hurt. So there are no examples, but if the shoe fits, you know what to do. Good people, bad things, what's up with that? It seems that bad things and good people tend to go hand in hand. And when the two meet up, we naturally want to know why.

[00:01:55] [SPEAKER_03] It's not fair, we say, as if this blunt observation could change anything. Entire books, eulogies, and sermons have been devoted to this topic. And yet most of them arrive at the same conclusion. We don't know why. But the fact is that all too often, the weak enjoy a show of force over the strong. It gives them a sense of power that they are unable to achieve through legitimate means. After becoming sidetracked from being hurt, some people fail to recover.

[00:02:23] [SPEAKER_03] They end up emotionally or spiritually paralyzed, unable to get beyond the hurt they feel, even after a long amount of time. I don't believe there's a 12-step program to fix this problem. If something like that works for you, great. But if not, here are a few other ideas. Number one, don't be bitter, be neutral. What happened wasn't okay, but bitterness will end up hurting you even more. Number two, reevaluate your life.

[00:02:51] [SPEAKER_03] Recovery is always a good time to look at what you're doing and determine if you're finding fulfillment through it. Did something teach you that life is short? You're a survivor for a reason, so make it count. Number three, do the things you were told you couldn't do. If someone said you would never amount to anything, go and prove them wrong. Don't do it for their attention and don't expect them to acknowledge it later. Do it for yourself. Number four, prove yourself wrong.

[00:03:20] [SPEAKER_03] Most people who have been sidetracked have allowed low expectations from someone else to come into their own life somewhere. You don't need to prove anything to someone else, but prove yourself wrong and learn to set higher expectations. Number five, refuse to believe that you'll never be truly okay. Why can't you fully recover? Maybe you can, maybe you can't, but don't rule it out right from the start with the belief that you'll always be a victim. My favorite poem is Ithaca by Constantine Cavafy.

[00:03:49] [SPEAKER_03] I love it because the theme is pretty much life, work, and travel. That guy was ahead of his time. You can read the whole poem if you'd like, but here's the introduction. Quote,

[00:04:26] [SPEAKER_03] End quote. It's time to say goodbye. The Lestragonians, the Cyclops, the Angry Poseidon, and those people who sidetracked your life. The way you avoid them, or at least get past them, is to refuse to carry them with you. That's why you will ultimately win as long as you can let go of the people who will ultimately lose. What you do with those people is really not that important.

[00:04:51] [SPEAKER_03] What's more important is to figure out what to do with yourself, how you'll change the world in spite of what happened. You'll know you've accomplished this when those people become irrelevant in your mind. You don't hate them. You don't love them. You just don't care. Maybe even feel a little sorry for them. In the end, you win because you've shown yourself to be stronger. Often the people who have been hurt the most are the ones who go on to true greatness.

[00:05:16] [SPEAKER_03] They've seen the other side, and they'll do anything to make something better for themselves and those around them. The best news some of these people can hear is, you don't have to be afraid anymore. What a crazy idea. Oh, and this is good too. Quote, I can be changed by what happened to me, but I refuse to be reduced to it. Maya Angelou. You just listened to the post titled,

[00:05:45] [SPEAKER_03] What to do about those people who sidetracked your life? By Chris Guillebeau of chrisgillibeau.com. And I'll be right back with my commentary.

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[00:06:54] [SPEAKER_03] Thank you to Chris. Even if this one doesn't necessarily feel like it applies to you, I think most of us know someone who it really could apply to. The line that stayed with me most was the quote at the end, I can be changed by what happened to me, but I refuse to be reduced to it. Whatever happened, and for some people it's been a lot, doesn't have to be the defining thing.

[00:07:19] [SPEAKER_03] I do think that the people who hurt you become truly irrelevant, not when you forgive them or hate them or get revenge, but when you just stop caring. You've moved beyond them at that point. You win not by defeating them, but just by outgrowing them. And it's a point that often the people who've been hurt the most go on to do the most meaningful things. I think that's true.

[00:07:48] [SPEAKER_03] Pain can be a motivator for good if you let it. So thank you to Chris for this one, and thank you for being here. I could not do this without you. And with that, have a great rest of your day, and I'll see you tomorrow as usual, where your optimal life awaits.