4001: Choose Your Status Game Wisely by Nick Maggiulli of Of Dollars and Data on Defining Success

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_02] Before we start, please check out our new podcast, Good Sleep. Have you ever noticed how a calm mind can really set the stage for a good night's sleep? That's the idea behind our new podcast, Good Sleep. Greg, our host from Optimal Relationships Daily, is here to help ease you into a peaceful night's rest with some positive affirmations. And these affirmations aren't just comforting, they can help ease anxiety and nurture positive thoughts, setting you up for true good sleep.

[00:00:25] [SPEAKER_02] So press play on Good Sleep tonight because a good tomorrow starts with a good night's sleep. Just search for Good Sleep in your podcast app and be sure to pick the one from Optimal Living Daily. This is Optimal Living Daily. Choose Your Status Game Wisely by Nick Maggiulli of OfDollarsAndData.com and I'm Justin Malik. Welcome back, this is the Sunday bonus episode where I share an extra episode from the Optimal Living Daily network.

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[00:01:13] [SPEAKER_00] Choose Your Status Game Wisely by Nick Maggiulli of OfDollarsAndData.com When I was a kid, I didn't really understand status. I didn't understand why some people would grant more social value to others based on their wealth, fame, or talents. I grew up in the middle class and everyone I knew was in the middle class or close to it as well. Therefore, the only time I saw status was on television.

[00:01:41] [SPEAKER_00] Musicians, athletes, actors, and actresses. You were either a celebrity or a normal person and there was nothing in between. In high school, I furthered my ignorance by becoming anti-status. I grew my hair long and started playing electric guitar. It was heavy metal or bust and I didn't care what anyone else thought. Status among my friends was determined not by how popular you were, but by your music abilities or how much you could drink.

[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_00] Nevertheless, I kept my grades up and my parents never asked any questions. It wasn't until my senior year of high school that I finally had my first encounter with status. After getting into a good university, I noticed how people outside of my friend group started treating me very differently. No longer was I seen as this random metalhead, but as the kid who was going places. For the first time in my life, I had some status. And I'm not going to lie, it felt great.

[00:02:38] [SPEAKER_00] But as soon as I entered college, everything changed. Those things that had once given me status were gone. No longer was I one of the smartest kids in my school. I was just average. Now status was determined based on what fraternity you joined and where you were going to work after you graduated. But this wasn't the last time that I had to learn a different status game. Following college, I worked at a litigation consulting firm

[00:03:06] [SPEAKER_00] where status was based on prestige, pay, and performance, like most corporate environments. And today, as a content creator, status is mostly determined by the size of your audience and how much you can keep their attention. No matter which environment I was in, I noticed that there was always a status game being played. Status in the eye of the beholder. My story illustrates how different communities value different things when it comes to conferring status.

[00:03:35] [SPEAKER_00] For example, if you're a competitive powerlifter, your status is determined by how much you can lift, strength, and how many competitions you have won, competitiveness. If you're a VC, your status is determined by what companies you have invested in, network, and how well those companies have performed, money. I could go on, but you get my point. Status is relative to the context in which it's being evaluated. In other words,

[00:04:03] [SPEAKER_00] VCs don't care how much you can bench, and weightlifters don't care about your investment returns. Both groups have their own standards for judging members of their community, and they care much less about everything else. This is why you have to choose your status game wisely. Because whatever status game you choose in life ultimately determines what you optimize for. Choose money, and you'll end up working all the time. Choose beauty, and you'll always want to look better.

[00:04:32] [SPEAKER_00] Choose fame, and you'll constantly be seeking attention. Each of these choices has consequences too. Your pursuit of wealth could leave your personal relationships in shambles. Your pursuit of beauty could impact your mental and physical health. Your pursuit of fame could end up ruining your reputation. Whatever status game you decide to play, you have to ask yourself, are the benefits worth the costs? Get status or die trying.

[00:05:00] [SPEAKER_00] When it comes to the pursuit of status, the juice is usually worth the squeeze. Research on primates has shown that those at the top of a status hierarchy have a higher quality of life and experience far less stress than those near the bottom. It's good to be at the top. Well, at least most of the time. When a status hierarchy is stable, being at the top is great. But when it isn't, watch out. As Robert Sapolsky explained in Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers,

[00:05:31] [SPEAKER_00] instability is hell for high-status individuals. Quote, Suppose you keep the dominance system unstable by shifting the monkeys into new groups every month, so that all the animals are perpetually in the tense, uncertain stage of figuring out where they stand with respect to everyone else. Under those circumstances,

[00:05:51] [SPEAKER_00] it's generally the animals precariously holding on to their places at the top of the shifting dominance hierarchy who do the most fighting and show the most behavioral and hormonal indices of stress. End quote. This research suggests that even after making it to the top, it's not always smooth sailing. So ask yourself,

[00:06:14] [SPEAKER_00] is it worth the time and effort to chase status only to face increased anxiety about losing that status in the future? I'm not so sure. What makes this issue even worse is that there's some research suggesting that those with higher status crave increased status even more than those with lower status. In other words, once you start to attain some status, you won't want to stop.

[00:06:39] [SPEAKER_00] I've noticed this in myself, despite not caring about the traditional markers of status, such as wealth, career success, popularity, etc., for most of my life. But I have found a way to fight back. Outsmarting the status game Though the pursuit of status is a hard temptation to fight off, there is a simple way to prevent it from controlling you. Play multiple status games at once.

[00:07:05] [SPEAKER_00] Instead of linking your entire identity to a single status game, such as richest, smartest, etc., have multiple things going for you. In other words, diversify what brings you status. Robert Sapolsky touched on this idea in Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers when discussing how low-status individuals can feel high status from other avenues. Quote,

[00:07:46] [SPEAKER_00] End quote. There's no rule that states that you have to judge yourself by a singular dimension, even if society suggests otherwise. For example, I know I'm not the best computer programmer, and I'm not the best financial writer either. But if you take the combination of those two skills, I have a bit of an edge. It reminds me about what Scott Adams said about what it takes to have a great career. Quote,

[00:08:14] [SPEAKER_00] If you want something extraordinary, you have two paths. One, become the best at one specific thing. Or two, become very good, like top 25%, at two or more things. End quote. The same is true with status. You don't have to be the best at any one thing. But if you can get pretty good at a few things, you can avoid the pitfalls of trying to be number one and the status battles that go along with it. I know some of you will say,

[00:08:43] [SPEAKER_00] just ignore the status game altogether. But this is easier said than done. Like many other animals, we are biologically wired to respond to status. Ignorance is not the way out. The way out is building a solid foundation of status in multiple things. It's about becoming diversified in your life, not just your portfolio. You just listened to the post titled, Choose Your Status Game Wisely,

[00:09:13] [SPEAKER_00] by Nick Maggiulli of ofdollarsanddata.com.

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[00:10:17] [SPEAKER_00] I've learned recently that status is a huge distraction. It's a social norm and it would be hard for us practically to be completely above it. But I personally am working to see past it. In December, I completed something called the Hoffman Process, which I like to describe as a masterclass in authenticity. For one week, I, alongside 38 other people, went without our cell phones and laptops and were guided on a journey of self-discovery.

[00:10:48] [SPEAKER_00] We weren't allowed to talk about work, sports, or politics. We couldn't tell our classmates what we did for a living or who we were in the world. And then, on the last night, everyone stood in front of the room and revealed who they were. I was shocked. I have never stood beside so much wealth, fame, or status. I am so glad that I didn't know who any of these people were

[00:11:15] [SPEAKER_00] because I would have been wildly intimidated. I wouldn't have been able to connect with them on such a deep level if I was distracted by their status. There was a man in my class, for example, that had just sold his company for $200 million. After spending a week with him, he wasn't a powerful CEO to me. He's the guy who I drank coffee with one morning, talking about love, life, and how the Beatles were the greatest band of all time.

[00:11:44] [SPEAKER_00] Now, by the time I found out who everyone was at the end of the week, I was so comfortable in my own skin that there wasn't any room for me to be intimidated. We got to know each other on a different planet, an alternative universe where status really didn't matter. And it was incredibly rewarding. That's another edition of Optimal Finance Daily. Thank you for listening every day and sharing the show with others. I'll be back with you tomorrow,

[00:12:13] [SPEAKER_00] where your optimal life awaits.