4034: Do You Need Therapy? By Mark Manson on Mental Health Support

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[00:00:57] [SPEAKER_02] This is Optimal Living Daily. Do you need therapy? By Mark Manson of markmanson.net. I'm your narrator Justin Malik, the guy that reads blogs or articles to you every single day of the year, including weekends and holidays. I appreciate you listening every single day. It means a lot. And with that, let's get right to it as we optimize your life. Do you need therapy? By Mark Manson of markmanson.net.

[00:01:26] [SPEAKER_02] Everyone has heard of therapy in some form or another, but a lot of people don't have a clear idea of what it is or what they're getting into. One stereotype is that you lay on a couch and cry like a child. Another is that it's just some guy who prescribes you pills. Another is that it's some guy who shows you ink blots and asks you what you see. As with many things, these are characters created by pop culture for entertainment purposes. Most therapy is far more dull and far more personal than this.

[00:01:56] [SPEAKER_02] The idea behind therapy is that most of our decision making comes from unconscious aspects of our mind. As long as these parts of our mind are unconscious, we're unable to exercise control over them. The primary purpose of therapy is to help us become aware of these sections of our unconscious, accept them, and then begin exerting control over them. For instance, if you get uncontrollably angry when your significant other doesn't call back,

[00:02:22] [SPEAKER_02] there's something buried within your unconscious causing you to react in such an irrational manner. By attending therapy, you can start digging into the past, your emotional development, traumas, life problems, childhood, and find the trigger. Maybe your mother made a habit of leaving you behind when you were most vulnerable. Perhaps your relationship involved someone cheating on you repeatedly, or they were rarely available. Whatever. Once uncovered, then you can process the anger and the hurt in a safe environment.

[00:02:51] [SPEAKER_02] This will then allow you to become more aware of the anger, and therefore not feel so powerless to these outbursts when they happen. Eventually, you should be able to exert enough control over the emotion to modify your behavior. Another popular form of therapy is cognitive behavioral therapy, CBT. CBT is useful for changing specific habits or thought patterns, particularly anxiety and depression. CBT focuses more on observing your thoughts and how they lead to behaviors rather than unconscious emotions.

[00:03:19] [SPEAKER_02] Both forms of therapy have their own strengths and weaknesses. Both are quite effective, depending on the issue. Problems with therapy. There are a lot of criticisms of therapy, and although most of them are made by people who have never actually attended therapy, some of them are legitimate. If you're considering therapy or are already in therapy, here are some things to watch out for. Number one, professional pill prescribers.

[00:03:45] [SPEAKER_02] People often mistake psychologists and therapists for psychiatrists. Psychiatrists prescribe medications and specialize in mental illnesses. Psychologists generally do not. Unfortunately, the reputation has developed that all therapy consists of, whether by a psychologist or psychiatrist, is a cue to get easy drugs. Unfortunately, this is true for some practitioners. Unless you believe you suffer from a mental illness,

[00:04:11] [SPEAKER_02] I would recommend a therapist or psychologist and only pursue medication if therapy seems ineffective over an extended period of time. Many people go straight to a psychiatrist, who then hands them antidepressants or some other pill like it's candy. Number two, be proactive. Take responsibility for your progress. Many people attend therapy with the expectation that they go sit in a comfy chair and the therapist will magically fix them.

[00:04:37] [SPEAKER_02] Sometimes they even get frustrated when nothing happens in their therapy sessions, when in actuality they're hardly participating in them. Therapy is a participatory activity. In fact, I would argue that if therapy is going well, it's because you are doing 80% of the work. You should approach it with the attitude that you are there to work on yourself and that therapist is there to facilitate you and give you a push in the right direction. See them as a personal trainer for your mind and emotions.

[00:05:05] [SPEAKER_02] You're still doing all of the heavy lifting, but they're there to spot you, encourage you, and direct you. If you aren't willing to do the work, then they can't do anything to help you. Number three, switch it up. Therapy is still subject to the law of self-help. You can judge the usefulness of any self-help tool by how many people are leaving it. If people are leaving it, it works. If people are staying, then it's not working. Many people leave therapy with success stories, myself included,

[00:05:34] [SPEAKER_02] but many people stay for years and years with little to show for it. Many people fall into comfortable patterns with their therapists. In the beginning, they may uncover some major issues and make some big changes, but eventually, the therapist won't be able to offer a new perspective. The patient will come in every week or month for years on end. They will discuss the same topics, and they will enter in a loop of patient shares problems, therapist validates problems, patient feels better about problems and leaves, comes back later with similar or the same problems.

[00:06:05] [SPEAKER_02] Don't fall into the trap of paying someone to validate your issues. It's tempting and it's easy to do both for you and for your therapist, but don't do it. Therapy should feel a little uncomfortable. It should challenge you. It should make you think about your life from new perspectives. It shouldn't feel good all the time. If it ever becomes repetitive, then it may be time to get out and find a new therapist or try something else. Number four, treat hiring a therapist like hiring an employee.

[00:06:35] [SPEAKER_02] Another problem people have is that they are not selective with the therapist they hire. You should treat it as if you're interviewing people for a job opening in your life. Most therapists offer free consultation sessions where you can meet them, get to know them, and describe your problems to them. There'll be some therapists whom you naturally click with and others who you don't. Some therapists will be able to relate to your problems personally, others won't. When I sought out a therapist, I purposely found a younger male who used to party a lot and was a musician.

[00:07:04] [SPEAKER_02] I felt like he could relate to me and where I was in my life. Things went really well. Maybe you need someone who will make you feel uncomfortable, someone who will challenge you and won't put up with your bullshit. Whatever your case may be, take a moment to consider what type of therapist could best relate to your issues and help you and seek them out. Hiring a therapist is a large commitment, so take it seriously. Do you need therapy? I've actually referred a lot of people to therapy over the years.

[00:07:33] [SPEAKER_02] Many have ignored it, especially men. Some have gone. A few have come back and thanked me for recommending it to them. It's hard to say for sure who needs it and who doesn't. Therapy is one of those tricky things like most self-development tools because it's rarely ever a bad thing to do. One could argue that everyone needs therapy in some form or another, or for some period of time. But I would only recommend it if you feel you aren't able to handle your emotional issues on your own and have tried for a while. Here are some signs you may want to consider therapy.

[00:08:02] [SPEAKER_02] You have emotional or sexual impulses you don't have control over, like angry outbursts, fear of intimacy, sexual anxiety, bouts of depression, etc. You come from a difficult childhood, had absent parents, or a poor relationship with your parents. You've suffered some major traumas in your life, death of loved ones, abuse, major health problems, etc. You have compulsive behaviors which interfere with other areas of your life, like drug or alcohol abuse, etc.

[00:08:29] [SPEAKER_02] Most of the relationships in your life are dysfunctional and or unhealthy, always fighting, lots of blame, guilt, etc. This includes friendships, significant others, and family members. Or you are overly preoccupied with one aspect of your life. Common examples include obsession with being cool or popular, obsession with impressing others, constant need for approval from others, even obsessing about improving yourself, feeling like you're never good enough, etc. In the end, therapy is nothing to be ashamed of.

[00:08:57] [SPEAKER_02] In fact, it could be the difference between a healthy and happy life and a life full of agonizing f*** f***s. I prefer the former myself. You just listened to the post titled, Do You Need Therapy? by Mark Manson of markmanson.net. And I'll be right back with my commentary. Now I've gone to the doctor with fatigue and got a sleep study, which showed nothing. No real data, no plan.

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[00:10:49] [SPEAKER_02] Thank you to Mark. I was happy to share this post because Mark does a great job giving a summary of what therapy really should be, becoming aware of sections of our unconscious, accepting them, and then beginning to exert control over them. And he said, that is how you generally learn to take care of your daily mental health. I also like the couch potato point because I think that's a really common misconception. We generally go to doctors expecting a quick fix,

[00:11:18] [SPEAKER_02] an antibiotic to cure the bacterial infection, or a cast to fix the broken arm. Well, therapy does not work in that way. It requires a lot of doing, and not just in session. It could require reading outside of a session, practicing certain things, homework, you name it. I don't say that to discourage anyone from wanting to do it, but so that there's realistic expectations. It's not like the movies where you see them lie on a couch and talk about their problems for an hour straight

[00:11:46] [SPEAKER_02] and then go home, do nothing, and then come back again. It's much more than that. So I appreciate Mark really sharing what it's about, what to look out for, and who might benefit from it because there's a lot of sort of myths out there about it. But that should do it for today. Thank you for being here, and I'll catch you tomorrow where your optimal life awaits. is the best way to live a life span of life.

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