4082: Our World Is Ruled By Love by Elana Miller of Zen Psychiatry on Human Connection

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_03] Hey, it's Christy from Lululemon and I'm here at the office checking out the Shake It Out shorts. These have been my go-tos and I kind of think of them as a middle ground between a true run short and a more playful, athletic, sporty short. They have all the performance you want for running, so a comfy liner, our lightweight, swift fabric, even a pocket for your keys. But what I really like is the flowy fit and layered hem. It gives it a little bit of volume, a little bit of fun, so they feel as good on a run as they do just at coffee afterwards. You can find the Shake It Out shorts in store now or online at lululemon.com.

[00:00:31] [SPEAKER_02] This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Listening to this podcast instead of doom scrolling? Smart move. Another smart move? Getting help from one of State Farm's 19,000 local agents when you choose to bundle home and auto. Bundling. Just another way to save with the personal price plan. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state.

[00:00:57] [SPEAKER_00] This is Optimal Living Daily. Our world is ruled by love by Ilana Miller of zenpsychiatry.com. And I'm Justin Malik, your host, or more like narrator, because this show is more like an audiobook than the typical podcast you'd hear with interviews and all that. I share an article that I think can help us both. I share an article that I think can help us both and then give a little bit of my commentary at the end. A little step in the right direction every day. So let's take that next step as we optimize your life.

[00:01:30] [SPEAKER_00] Our world is ruled by love by Ilana Miller of zenpsychiatry.com. Two and a half years ago, I was sitting in the small waiting area outside the trauma bay of the Los Angeles County ER. My boyfriend had just been in a motorcycle accident and I was there by myself, staring in a half days off into space, barely holding it together as I agonized over what was happening as doctors and nurses rushed around his hospital bed.

[00:01:57] [SPEAKER_00] An older man saw me there and sat down next to me. He said something along the lines of, Hey, you doing okay? He chatted with me for a few minutes. It turns out his son had just been in a motorcycle accident too and had been airlifted to the emergency room. He asked me about my boyfriend and told me a bit about his son. To be honest, my mind was a million miles away during this conversation and I don't even really remember the details of what was said.

[00:02:23] [SPEAKER_00] It felt like any word that came out of my mouth would devolve into tears, so I didn't say too much. When he looked at me, concerned, and asked if I would like to go get dinner with him and his other son, my treat, he insisted, I brushed the invitation away. I don't think I should leave, I said, you know, in case the doctors have some news. I've thought about that moment about a million times.

[00:02:45] [SPEAKER_00] I was too preoccupied to show any appreciation at the time, but that man, a total stranger whose son was probably in worse condition than my boyfriend, cared about me and my well-being. He saw I was distraught and went to comfort me. It was dinner time, so he offered me food and company. Our world is ruled by love. Later in the evening, my boyfriend needed a CT and so was wheeled off to the scanner.

[00:03:10] [SPEAKER_00] It was hospital policy that I couldn't go with him, so I asked the nurse about a million questions. Where are you going? How long will it take? When will you be back? How will I know if something's happened? Off he went, and I found some windowsill in the corner of the hospital, put my head in my hands, and started sobbing. I was there maybe 45 minutes when the same nurse came up to me. I'm not even sure how she found me and imagine she must have been searching around for a while.

[00:03:36] [SPEAKER_00] She said there was a delay in my boyfriend getting his CT scan and offered that I could come sit with him in the radiology waiting area. She said it's against the rules, but don't worry about that. She said she had been thinking about me. I just figured to be down here worrying and upset. I mean, your boyfriend wants you up there too, so I came down to get you. She said it casually, but the action was driven by compassion. Our world is ruled by love. Later in the night at about 1 a.m., my boyfriend was in surgery,

[00:04:06] [SPEAKER_00] and I was in the small waiting room on one of the upper floors of the hospital outside the operating rooms. It was a waiting room I had walked by mindlessly a thousand times as a medical student. L.A. County is where I did my medical training, and I was the one inside the room instead of walking by. The only other person there was a young Mexican man whose uncle was having lung surgery for cancer. I picked up an old Oprah magazine sitting on one of the side tables, but my eyes couldn't focus on it, so I just held it on my lap. The young man started chatting with me and asked me who I was waiting for.

[00:04:37] [SPEAKER_00] He seemed to sense that even though I was trying to keep it together, I desperately needed reassurance. He started regaling me with stories of the amazing care his family members and friends had gotten at L.A. County, which I found especially endearing because I used to work there. These doctors are really good, he insisted. Your boyfriend is going to be fine. For some reason, I asked him if he thought my boyfriend would be able to be discharged the next day. Yeah, I'm sure of it, he said. They're good here. You'll be out of here in no time.

[00:05:05] [SPEAKER_00] Our world is ruled by love. These are just a few stories from one night, and there are countless more acts of kindness I've experienced. There was the time, in a brilliant move, I thought it would be a good idea to hold my oversized wallet in my tiny shorts pocket as I carried groceries from the market to my car. Surprise, surprise, the wallet fell out somewhere in the parking lot. I didn't realize my mistake until an hour later, and anxiously rushed back to the market, expecting the wallet to be long gone. I went into the store and asked the first employee I came across

[00:05:35] [SPEAKER_00] if anyone had turned in a lost wallet. She went to a drawer and pulled my wallet out. Is this it? Our world is ruled by love. Even when there is hate, it's not because there's a lack of love, but rather because there are obstacles to love being fully expressed. Sometimes we are afraid that our own needs won't be met. Sometimes we forget that we are all interconnected, that my joy is your joy, and that my pain is your pain. After all, when you see a beautiful sunset,

[00:06:03] [SPEAKER_00] it's not just your joy, it's ours. When I sit in traffic on the 405, the infamous North-South Freeway in Los Angeles, wanting to gouge my eyeballs out, all I have to do is look around at the other drivers to see it's not just my pain, but our pain. I've thought so many times about those strangers who reached out to me that day in the hospital and how their kindness still touches me years later, even though I couldn't express it at the time. So share love, be kind, receive kindness. We're all in this together.

[00:06:34] [SPEAKER_00] Our world is ruled by love. You just listened to the post titled, Our World is Ruled by Love, by Ilana Miller of zenpsychiatry.com. I'll be right back with my commentary. Back to school starts now. Get long-lasting battery life on the Dell XPS laptop powered by Series 3 Intel Core so you can work from anywhere, now starting at $699,

[00:07:03] [SPEAKER_00] with exclusive student pricing starting at $599. And it's lightweight, portable, and packed with enough processing power to make multitasking a breeze. So say goodbye to distractions and hello to more free time because you finished your work faster. Complete your setup with savings on select monitors and more must-have electronics and accessories. Limited time deals and free shipping on PCs and more await you at dell.com slash deals.

[00:07:33] [SPEAKER_00] That's dell.com slash deals.

[00:07:40] [SPEAKER_01] This episode is brought to you by Google Health. Stop chasing someone else's definition of health. What matters is what's healthy for you. Google Health offers a new kind of coach built with Gemini for effortless tracking, sleep insights, and holistic coaching tailored to you. Visit googlestore.com to learn more and start a new relationship with your health. Requires Google account, Google Health app, internet, and Google Health premium subscription. Features subject to change. Availability and results vary. Not intended for medical purposes. Works independently of Gemini apps. Check responses for accuracy.

[00:08:09] [SPEAKER_00] Thank you to Dr. Ilana. It really shows how much the little things matter in those moments. Someone just sitting next to you or telling you your person is going to be fine. I'm sure most of us can think of a time a stranger helped us when we really needed it. And probably also times we noticed someone struggling and weren't sure whether we should say something or not. What stuck with me is that she couldn't really show appreciation in the moment. And she was too overwhelmed.

[00:08:37] [SPEAKER_00] But those small acts stayed with her for years after. I think that's worth remembering because we usually judge whether something was worth doing by the reaction we get. And if someone doesn't seem to notice or say thanks, it can feel like it didn't matter. But this is a good example of how that's not necessarily true. You might never know what your small kindness did for someone else. The other line I liked was the one about hate. That it isn't a lack of love,

[00:09:07] [SPEAKER_00] but more like something getting in the way of it. Usually fear or being so wrapped up in our own stuff that we forget we're all dealing with the same things. So today maybe just look for one small chance to be kind to a stranger. Doesn't need to be a big gesture. And don't worry about whether you get anything back or not. I'll leave it there. Thank you to Dr. Ilana for this one. Thank you for being here and listening every day. I couldn't do it without you. Have a great rest of your day and I'll see you tomorrow

[00:09:36] [SPEAKER_00] where your optimal life awaits. .