4099: How to Let Go of the Guilt of Letting Go by Courtney Carver of Be More With Less on Emotional Freedom

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[00:00:30] It's a Minimalist Monday edition of Optimal Living Daily. How to Let Go of the Guilt of Letting Go by Courtney Carver of BeMoreWithLess.com And I'm Justin Malik, the guy reading to you every day of the year. Now reading to you daily on two different podcasts. This one, obviously. And now Optimal Finance Daily. Diana has been with us since 2020 but is moving on and I thought, well, I've tracked every penny in and out of my life for the last nearly 20 years.

[00:00:59] So I think I can contribute over there. So if you enjoy my narration here and the authors, the show is quite similar, except a little more focused on getting out of debt, ideas to save more and earn more. And it's not too technical or in the weeds, so I think you'll enjoy it. So if you can come by and follow that show, it would mean a lot to me. That's Optimal Finance Daily. And if the word finance has always scared you a little, like it did for me,

[00:01:26] trust me, it's more like this show than a finance show. But anyway, I don't want to make this intro too long and I'll give you a reminder about that at the end of this episode. For now, let's get right to it as we optimize your life. How to let go of the guilt of letting go by Courtney Carver of BeMoreWithLess.com

[00:01:50] We each have our own reasons for holding on to stuff, clutter, negative emotions and other things. Usually though, all of our excuses, fears and resistance come back to a few common struggles. One of those struggles is guilt. It was an issue for me and based on our conversations, I think it may bother you too. My guilt. I remember feeling guilt when I looked in my closet and saw clothes I never wore purchased with money I didn't have.

[00:02:20] I felt guilt when I said no to people or even when I thought about saying no. There was the guilt about gifts. I felt bad about letting go of things other people gave me. I felt guilty about overdue credit card bills and collection calls, for shopping to feel better, for feeling less than enough because I didn't own the right things or have the right car or shoes or kitchen. The list goes on and on. I even felt guilty for rejecting all the things I thought I always wanted.

[00:02:47] This guilt wasn't all-consuming, but it surfaced more when I made the decision to start slowing down and letting go. I finally had the time and space to feel all the feelings. Number one, own the guilt. If you feel guilty every time you open your closet and see an expensive dress hanging with the tags still on, or a pair of shoes that give you blisters, own it. Write it down.

[00:03:11] That flash of guilt you may experience on a daily basis has become so consistent it feels normal. What you may have forgotten though is that it is your choice to carry the burden of feeling guilty about what's in your closet or other areas of your home. It's your choice. This was a tough one for me. Number two, reject the guilt. I used to think I was supposed to feel guilty. After all, with all the mistakes I made, shouldn't a bit of guilt go along with them?

[00:03:38] What I didn't know is that the guilt was weighing me down with absolutely no purpose. The guilt wasn't serving me in any way. When I recognized that guilt had become an anchor instead of inspiring something better, it was easier to let it go. Number three, let it flow. In January, I did a webinar with my friend Brooke. She was addressing a question about gifts. Someone asked, What should I do if I'm trying to live with less and people give me gifts I don't want? Brooke said,

[00:04:06] Simply let them flow through your home. In other words, accept the gifts with love and then let them go. Brooke and I knew the question wasn't really about what to do with the gifts, but instead what to do with the guilt. So I added, Let the guilt flow out with the gifts. In my experience, the biggest gift of gifts is in the exchange. It's in the I'm thinking of you or the I love you. And not what's contained in the gift box. Is there really any thing someone could give you to prove their love? Doesn't happen like that.

[00:04:35] Love isn't a one-time gift. It doesn't arrive wrapped perfectly and you never have to prove it. Letting it flow doesn't just apply to gifts. When you let go of anything in your life that doesn't add value, let the guilt flow with it. Guilty situations and solutions. Here are a few solutions to simplicity-related guilty situations you may be experiencing. Guilt about letting go of a sentimental item? Try a victory lap. Closet chaos guilt? Clean out your closet for good.

[00:05:04] Guilt about not doing enough? Measure more by what's in your heart and less by what's on your to-do list. When you say yes because you feel too guilty saying no, learn how to say no to everything ever. If you feel guilty about challenges you're experiencing in your body, mind and life, work with a thoughtful professional and connect with like-minded people in the MindBodyWise living room. It's a private Facebook group. Guilt about spending too much? Stop shopping for a while. When you feel guilty about your home not being perfect, invite your friends over.

[00:05:34] If you feel guilty about being too busy for people you love, end busyness. When your messy past causes guilt, remember the blessings of a messy life. The best way to let go of the guilt of letting go is to let joy replace the guilt. Let love replace the guilt. Remind yourself that you simply don't have room in your life for guilt. The guilt of letting go doesn't come from letting go.

[00:06:00] When stuff becomes a constant reminder of debt or discontent, we feel bad, sad, and guilty. When I look back, I can clearly see that guilt was just as much a part of my clutter as the things hanging in my closet or stuff in my junk drawers. I also know that the guilt and the stuff were deeply connected. And when I let go of the stuff, the guilt went with it. What's interesting about the guilt of letting go is the guilt doesn't usually come from letting go. It comes from holding on.

[00:06:27] When guilt is attached to holding on, the only remedy is to let go. I could continue to feel guilt about past mistakes, about my past debt, clutter, and busyness instead of let it go so I can live today with purpose and joy. I continue to create more space and time in my life, but if I fill it all with guilt and regret, there won't be room for all the love. You just listened to the post titled,

[00:06:56] How to Let Go of the Guilt of Letting Go by Courtney Carver of BeMoreWithLess.com And I'll be right back with my commentary. Back to school starts now. Get long-lasting battery life on the Dell XPS laptop powered by Series 3 Intel Core so you can work from anywhere. Now starting at $699. With exclusive student pricing starting at $599.

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[00:08:18] Visit HomeDepot.com. How doers get more done. Thank you, Courtney. There's a great line that the guilt doesn't actually come from letting go. It comes from holding on. I thought that was a great little flip because we usually have it backwards. We hang on to the clothes with the tag still on or the gift that we don't want to use,

[00:08:42] thinking we'd feel guilty getting rid of it when really the guilt is there every time we open the closet and see it. I'm sure you can relate to that. I know I can. Keeping something we don't want or use mostly because tossing it feels like admitting the money was wasted. But the money's already gone either way. It's called the sunk cost fallacy. Keeping the item doesn't bring it back. All it does is keep the reminder around.

[00:09:08] So letting it go doesn't really cost you anything except the guilt itself. And the part about gifts was nice too, that the real gift was the I'm thinking of you, not the object in the box. So you can keep the love, yet let the thing go. And this does work for more than just stuff. You can let go of an old mistake or a grudge pretty much the same way. The guilt you carry about it usually isn't doing anything useful.

[00:09:36] So pick one thing you've been holding onto out of guilt and let it and the guilt flow on out. Hopefully that helps. And just a quick reminder, you can now as of today hear some great articles about saving more, earning more, tips to get out of debt, non-technical, good stuff, along with my commentary over on Optimal Finance Daily. I'm the new host over there. It'd be a huge help if you can follow that show too. And it would really mean a lot.

[00:10:06] But that should do it for today. Have a great rest of your day and I'll see you tomorrow as usual, where your optimal life awaits. Oh wait. I'll wait. I'll wait. What are you doing? I'll wait. I'm going to wait. I'll wait. I'll wait. I'll wait. Thank you.