4101: How I Disappoint People (And How You Can Too) by Cylon George of Spiritual Living For Busy People

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[00:00:30] [SPEAKER_02] This is Optimal Living Daily. How I Disappoint People And How You Can Too by Cylon George of SpiritualLivingForBusyPeople.com and I'm Justin Malik. We're gonna jump right into today's post as we optimize your life. How I Disappoint People And How You Can Too by Cylon George of SpiritualLivingForBusyPeople.com. Quote, Quote,

[00:00:56] [SPEAKER_02] If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment. Henry David Thoreau. How much time do you spend each day worrying about what others think of you? My guess is that almost every moment of every day in every interaction, you are concerned about whether people think well of you. You want them to say what a wonderful person you are. You want them to not say negative things about you behind your back.

[00:01:23] [SPEAKER_02] You want them to think of you as smart, pleasant, and funny. You even want them to love you. Whenever you interact with someone, whether family or friend, you want to walk away from the exchange believing that the person thinks well of you. To make sure this happens, you do all you can to accommodate their needs. You say yes to their requests, even if it's an inconvenience to you. You talk about their interests. You even take on some of their mannerisms in order to feel more connected.

[00:01:50] [SPEAKER_02] But have you noticed that despite your best efforts, you somehow manage to still disappoint people? At least that's true for me. And it hurts. A lot. I put a lot of effort into being nice to most people so that they can like me and say nice things about me. I like being thought of as nice. I'm addicted to that feeling. It doesn't matter what the person actually thinks. As long as I can walk away from the conversation feeling like I made a good impression on them, that's all that matters.

[00:02:18] [SPEAKER_02] But sometimes that's just not the case. And I hear about it. Did I mention that it hurts a lot? How I react to disappointing people. I wish I could say that I was okay with disappointing people from time to time, but that would not be true. If someone looks at me the wrong way, or gives gentle feedback or gossip about me, I can easily get depressed. The sad truth behind this is that others won't love and accept me if I don't conform to their will. Then I turn the disappointment inward.

[00:02:48] [SPEAKER_02] So what's a people pleaser to do? Disappoint people on purpose. Many of the people I've disappointed in my life happen by accident. Despite my best efforts to please them, something I did or said displeased them. There are much fewer people I've disappointed on purpose. I'd like to increase that number. To be clear, disappointing people on purpose does not mean acting out of any malicious intent. Instead, it's an invitation to become a more authentic version of yourself.

[00:03:17] [SPEAKER_02] Because the truth is that if your goal is to disappoint no one, I can almost guarantee you that you are not being authentic. When you decide to be authentic and live with greater integrity, it means that some people will not like you for the positions you take on various issues. They won't like how you talk, or how you laugh, or what you wear. And that's okay. It's okay to disappoint these people. So here are some ways I'd like to disappoint people more. Read, live more authentically.

[00:03:47] [SPEAKER_02] Number one, listen to gut reactions. The body, especially the gut, never lies. But in the endless pursuit to please and be liked, we learn to discount our gut reactions. We say yes when we know very well we should say no. And often we end up paying a heavy price for approval. I bet if you listen to your gut, you too would disappoint more people than you are now. Do you have the guts to listen to your gut? Number two, be okay with being misunderstood.

[00:04:17] [SPEAKER_02] This one is very tough for me personally. I don't like feeling misunderstood. I don't like feeling like my words or actions were taken out of context or misinterpreted, especially when such interpretations are potentially harmful to my reputation. I suspect you may have similar feelings. Start small with this one. If you're used to always apologizing for your actions, or defending or explaining yourself to someone over and over in order to appease them, try not saying anything in your defense. Let your actions alone speak.

[00:04:46] [SPEAKER_02] This will put the ball back in the disappointed person's court. Whether they choose to listen or not is entirely their business, not yours. Number three, be selfish. One of the worst things that can happen to a people pleaser is to be labeled as selfish. Because we see selfless giving as an honorable way of providing value, this critique can cut to the core of our identity, which is why I choose to claim the need to be selfish every once in a while.

[00:05:12] [SPEAKER_02] This choice will certainly disappoint those who are used to me being available to them at a moment's notice. Instead, I choose to schedule a time with myself and choose my needs over others. And in the spirit of this post, I chose to do this without qualification, though I'm tempted to because I don't want you to be disappointed in me. You will survive. Here's the truth. You've survived the disappointment of others before, and you will continue to survive.

[00:05:39] [SPEAKER_02] Yes, it can hurt, especially when the disappointed are people we admire or are close family and friends. Trust that if you choose to take a stand, the world will not fall apart. The people you disappoint will learn to deal with it, and they'll get over it much faster than you think. If you're ready to live with greater authenticity and freedom, you too can learn to disappoint people. You just listened to the post titled,

[00:06:08] [SPEAKER_02] How I Disappoint People and How You Can Too, by Cylon George of SpiritualLivingForBusyPeople.com, and I'll be right back with my commentary. Back to school starts now. Get long-lasting battery life on the Dell XPS laptop powered by Series 3 Intel Core so you can work from anywhere, now starting at $699, with exclusive student pricing starting at $599.

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[00:07:33] [SPEAKER_02] Thank you to Cylon. Great title for this one. I think most of us spend more time than we'd like to admit worrying about what other people think of us, wanting to walk away from every little interaction feeling like we made a good impression. I can definitely relate to the idea of it being almost an addiction. I've mentioned before that when I'd see a critical review of this show, my first instinct was to get defensive, or it would sting more than it should have. It would keep popping up in my mind over months,

[00:08:03] [SPEAKER_02] maybe even years. Over time, I got better at separating myself from that, but it's definitely still a work in progress. He makes a good point that if your goal is to disappoint absolutely no one, then you're probably not being fully authentic because pleasing everyone means bending yourself to fit each person. And at that point, how much of it is really you? But I think we should note being authentic isn't a license to be rude or careless

[00:08:32] [SPEAKER_02] or disrespectful with people. It's more about not abandoning yourself just to keep everyone comfortable. And a small step is a good place to start. Next time you normally over-explain or apologize to smooth things over, just try not. Let the other person handle their own reaction and see how it feels. With that, thank you for being here and listening every day. Have a great rest of your day, and I'll see you tomorrow where your optimal life... No, wait.