4123: Learning to Let Go AND Letting Go of Control by Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus of The Minimalists on Letting Go

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[00:01:04] [SPEAKER_01] It's Minimalist Monday edition of Optimal Living Daily. Learning to let go and letting go of control. Both by Joshua Fields Milburn and Ryan Nicodemus of The Minimalists. And I'm Justin Malik, the guy reading to you every day of the year. Two posts today, both from The Minimalists. So let's get right to it as we optimize your life.

[00:01:29] [SPEAKER_01] Learning to let go by Joshua Fields Milburn and Ryan Nicodemus of TheMinimalists.com. Quote, everything I've ever let go of has claw marks on it. David Foster Wallace.

[00:01:43] [SPEAKER_01] A sunset is beautiful, but it lasts only so long. Once it's over, it's over. In time, perfection is tainted by life's beautiful blemishes, and every perfectionist dies a thousand deaths. We often look at the things we enjoy, the relationships, the experiences, the possessions, and we want to hold on to them forever.

[00:02:04] [SPEAKER_01] However, we expect that these things will continue to add the same value to our lives day in and day out. But life does not work this way. Not everything that adds value today will add value tomorrow. This is particularly evident with our material possessions. Each time we purchase a sparkling new thingamabob, we bask in the light of its potential, excited by the initial value the new object brings to our lives.

[00:02:29] [SPEAKER_01] Over time, though, the value wanes, the glossy newness wears off, and our excitement abruptly dissipates. When the possession stops adding value, however, what do we do? Do we ask ourselves why? Do we donate it or sell it or question why we purchased it in the first place? Not usually. Often, once the dullness sets in, we let our effects gather dust or wither away in boxes in our basements, closets, and junk drawers, out of sight, out of mind.

[00:02:58] [SPEAKER_01] And but then the only way to reclaim the missing value is to find another thingamajig that is shiny and exciting and new. This cycle is a dangerous downward spiral, a vortex of consumption in which we're constantly looking for that next nugget of excitement, that next burst of euphoria, that cocaine high that doesn't last but a few feet past the cash register. Thankfully, there are at least two ways to break this vicious cycle. First, we must question our new purchases.

[00:03:28] [SPEAKER_01] Of course, there's nothing inherently wrong with material possessions. What's wrong is the idea that material possessions will bring lasting joy and contentment. They won't. Instead, we must ask, will this thing add value to my life? And is this thing still adding value to my life? This kind of intentional living, when done consistently, will form lasting, empowering habits. Second, we must be willing to let go.

[00:03:53] [SPEAKER_01] We should let go of superfluous excess in our lives, starting with the dusty belongings inhabiting every nook and cranny and dark corner of our homes, eventually moving on to the more difficult things no longer adding value to our lives. Sentimental items, unnecessarily large homes, the American dream, extra cars, shitty relationships. Ultimately, we must learn to let go. To do so, acceptance is the key. We needn't settle, but we all have a reality we must accept.

[00:04:23] [SPEAKER_01] As much as we might want to, we'll never be able to hold on to a sunset. Likewise, we can't retain everything and still lead meaningful lives. Life is fulfilling only when we allow ourselves to let go, when we allow ourselves to be in the moment, when we allow ourselves to feel the moment. After all, this moment is life's only true reality.

[00:04:49] [SPEAKER_01] Letting Go of Control by Joshua Fields Milburn and Ryan Nicodemus of TheMinimalist.com It's easy to pretend we're in control of every aspect of our lives. Societal norms and tireless advertisements reinforce this message. You run the show. Life is what you make of it. Have it your way. You are the sovereign king of your own bite-sized kingdom. But much of what occurs around us day to day is utterly outside our jurisdiction.

[00:05:16] [SPEAKER_01] We don't know if that oncoming Ford pickup is going to veer left of center and collide head on with our vehicle. We can't possibly predict that a maniac is going to rob the bank as we drop in during our lunch break to cash a paycheck. We can't anticipate the brutal storm that floods every basement in the neighborhood. No matter the amount of rigorous planning, the unexpected will occur. Last week, we announced Ryan's private mentoring sessions and the first day of response was astounding. Everything was progressing swimmingly.

[00:05:45] [SPEAKER_01] Ryan's mentoring calendar filled up for nearly two months. But then unexpectedly, our website crashed, our files were corrupted, and it would take a couple days to restore everything. In the meantime, no one could access our site and thus no one else would know about Ryan's big announcement. Many thousands of people visit our site each day, so being out of commission for two days was far from ideal. Rome was burning, and we couldn't locate an extinguisher. The problem was simply outside our control.

[00:06:13] [SPEAKER_01] We'd never experienced a major website outage before, and we didn't know what to do. As far as we could see, we had two clear options. Number one, panic. Or number two, let our friends at our hosting company work their magic. If we panicked, the site would still be down, but at least we'd be in control, right? Panicking, after all, is just a strange way to regain order in an otherwise disorderly situation. This type of control, however, does no good, and is in fact harmful, unproductive, and detrimental to our mental health.

[00:06:43] [SPEAKER_01] However, if we relied on our hosting company to fix the problem, then we were letting go of control, placing our faith in someone else to do the right thing, which can feel like being stripped naked, exposed while waiting for someone to fetch us dry clothes. The simple fact is that we are not in control, not of everything at least. Instead, we control our odds, and if we place ourselves in the most ideal situations often enough, then odds are things will sway our way more often than not.

[00:07:11] [SPEAKER_01] Everything else requires a little leap of faith. Perhaps letting go of control is the best way to regain total control. You just listened to the post titled, Learning to Let Go and Letting Go of Control, both by Joshua Fields Milburn and Ryan Nicodemus of TheMinimalists.com. And I'll be right back with my commentary. Every time I go in for a physical, they run a dozen markers,

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[00:09:06] [SPEAKER_01] await you at dell.com slash deals. That's dell.com slash deals. Thank you to Joshua and Ryan. Two nice ones here. And they actually go together really well. The first is about letting go of stuff. The idea that a thing gives us this burst of excitement when it's new, but that fades, and then it just sits in a closet gathering dust

[00:09:36] [SPEAKER_01] until we go by the next shiny thing. That really rings true for me. I think most of us can look around our homes and find a few of those. It actually reminds me of something I've noticed about my own memories. I remember getting my first Nintendo and a bike as a kid. But the memories that really stuck with me aren't the things at all. They're the experiences. Family trips. The first cruise and so on.

[00:10:05] [SPEAKER_01] The stuff faded, but those moments didn't. Some memories so vivid, it feels like yesterday. So I try to keep that in mind before buying something. Is this actually going to add value, or is it just that quick little hit? And then the second article takes letting go in a different direction. Letting go of control. And I think the two are really the same sort of muscle.

[00:10:33] [SPEAKER_01] Whether it's a possession we're clinging to, or an outcome we can't control, the piece kind of comes from the same place. Just accepting what is. So thank you to Joshua and Ryan of The Minimalists. Thank you for being here every day and optimizing your life along with me. It means a lot. Have a great rest of your day, and I'll see you tomorrow as usual. Wear your optimal life. Awaits.