4164: [Part 1] Do These 5 Things When Social Anxiety Has Your Tongue by Roxana Alexandru on Self-Compassion

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[00:00:55] [SPEAKER_00] This is Optimal Living Daily. Do these five things when social anxiety has your tongue. Part one by Roxanna Alexandru with IntrovertDeer.com. And I'm Justin Malik. I have a bit of a longer post, so I'll read the first half today and then finish the rest for you tomorrow. So with that, let's get right to part one and start optimizing your life.

[00:01:23] [SPEAKER_00] Do these five things when social anxiety has your tongue. Part one by Roxanna Alexandru with IntrovertDeer.com. Honesty and vulnerability are the most powerful weapons to combat social anxiety. Have you ever had a moment, or let's be honest, a million moments when you stumbled on your words, mumbled them upside down, and cringed at how inarticulate you were?

[00:01:47] [SPEAKER_00] Being an introvert and a polyglot, I tend to lose my words, oh, a plenty of times. And if it happens frequently enough, my social anxiety kicks into high gear. Then it's much more difficult to tone it down than it is to keep it in check. I'm talking total confidence shutdown. Inferiority complex banging on the door. Imposter syndrome clocking in. Negative inner talk taking control.

[00:02:14] [SPEAKER_00] For example, something happened recently where I wish someone would have kicked me to the moon away from the interaction at hand because I failed at language so badly. It all started when my manager called a team meeting to let us know that a bunch of college students would come to the office to learn more about the working environment. It was a cooperation with our company and the local university. Before I even had a chance to hide in the corner, my manager looked straight at me and told me that he had assigned me to a student. Great.

[00:02:44] [SPEAKER_00] Don't get me wrong, I have no qualms about participating in knowledge transfers. I just prefer when I'm the one getting the knowledge. Also, I do enjoy imparting knowledge, but it just so happens that I didn't have much going on to showcase at that time. Hey, look at me. I'm getting paid to be bored. I'm getting paid to be bored. This made the task at hand much more difficult. Imagine trying to come up with what you've worked on in the past week when, in fact, you spent all week Instagramming stories. It was kind of like that.

[00:03:13] [SPEAKER_00] So there I was staring at a first-generation college student named Brianna. She's going to shadow me at work. And let me tell you, she was bright, perky, and wide-eyed, ready to learn all about the IT department, corporate America, and what it takes to get your foot in the door. As I sat there explaining to her what I do and what my current project was all about, I couldn't help but lose control of my English. I mean, holy moly, how did I even graduate high school?

[00:03:42] [SPEAKER_00] It made me feel small. Perhaps I'd spent so much time as a new mom baby-talking at home or not reading enough in the past month or simply lacking in sleep that I couldn't bring myself to sound coherent. I could see myself from her perspective, and it made me uncomfortable. The highly sensitive person in me could feel her judging me. My negative inner talk grew louder and louder as the minutes passed. It made me feel like I didn't own my responsibilities.

[00:04:10] [SPEAKER_00] It made me insecure about my communication skills, thus reigniting my imposter syndrome. I imagined her thinking, how can she possibly oversee this project if she can't even explain it to me? I could totally do this better than her. They are paying her for this? And why is she sweating? The AC is definitely on high here. It made me feel small, and I hate feeling small. Introverts pride themselves on their words.

[00:04:40] [SPEAKER_00] Ultimately, there were two ways I could have reacted. I could have, number one, commiserated for days on end about how I'm failing at life, or number two, given myself a break. At the end of the day, I decided not to think about the many ways I could have portrayed myself better. I wanted to avoid the rabbit hole of why I couldn't explain myself properly and save the sad excuses for another time. I also didn't want to allow myself to think there was a bigger problem at stake. Hyperchondriac, anyone?

[00:05:07] [SPEAKER_00] My inner talk took a back seat as I decompressed and gave myself a hug for not having a good day. If you ever find yourself at a loss for words, cut yourself some slack. Don't overwork your brain because clearly it's already being overworked. Not only are you doing yourself more harm by forcing your brain, but you're inviting a slew of other issues through the door, like insecurities that are better off hiding in the darkest corners of your mind.

[00:05:33] [SPEAKER_00] We all have those moments when we ramble and make a fool of ourselves. While that's tough for anyone, it might be tougher for introverts because most of us pride ourselves on being methodical and careful with our words. This is the extrovert equivalent of getting mad drunk at a party and leaving behind a trail of unsavory pictures for the world to see. Same feeling, I imagine. But fear not, you can always redeem yourself. This is what I did to speak eloquently the next time around.

[00:06:03] [SPEAKER_00] Five things to do if you forget how to speak. Hear those in tomorrow's episode. You just listened to part one of the post titled, Do These Five Things When Social Anxiety Has Your Tongue, by Roxanna Alexandru with introvertdeer.com. And I'll be right back with my commentary. Now I want to tell you about a book that stuck with me. Life at the Speed of Play, Launch Products People Love, by Mark Pincus.

[00:06:33] [SPEAKER_00] Mark's a legendary Silicon Valley entrepreneur and one of the most prolific idea generators around. But as he'll tell you, ideas are a dime a dozen. What matters is picking the right ones. His instant national bestseller is a fast-paced, 170-page read for these uncertain times, full of real-life skills and a battle-tested, easy-to-follow framework for separating the great ideas from the terrible ones.

[00:07:00] [SPEAKER_00] Y Combinator's Gary Tan says it'll change your odds of success. And it reads less like a stuffy business book, more like you're in Mark's kitchen, already in his inner circle. Go to getmarksbook.com slash old and buy one copy, and Mark personally, not his publisher, sends you a second one free. Two books, about $16 each, so you can hand one to a friend who's stuck.

[00:07:27] [SPEAKER_00] Once again, that's getmarksbook.com slash OLD.

[00:07:33] [SPEAKER_01] Your heart can tell you a lot about your health. Apple Watch Series 12 measures your heart rate every five seconds with the most accurate heart rate sensing in a wearable. So your vitals app, now with heart rate variability, can tell you when something is off. And your readiness score can let you know when to rest and when to push. Hear the story in every heartbeat with Apple Watch Series 12. The features described are for wellness purposes only and not for medical use. iPhone 11 or later required. Based on Apple-conducted study of heart rate accuracy August 2026. Visit apple.com slash Apple Watch Series 12.

[00:08:03] [SPEAKER_00] Thank you to Roxanna for this one. I noticed she mentioned being an HSP, stands for highly sensitive person, which is something we hear about from time to time on this show. Actually, a little bit more over on one of our other podcasts, Optimal Relationships Daily. But anyway, I feel like from the thousands of articles I've narrated here now, that a common theme among the anxious types is being a highly sensitive person. So that really wasn't too shocking to hear.

[00:08:31] [SPEAKER_00] If you're curious if you fit that description of highly sensitive, I narrated an article titled, Seven Signs You're Highly Sensitive in episode 2629. So you might want to check that out. But even if not, that inner voice can easily go off the rails with situations like these. And at any time. It can happen in the moment or even in the future, which then can make it even more difficult to do these types of activities at a later time,

[00:08:57] [SPEAKER_00] because the brain wants to remind us of the bad and avoid that specific situation in the future. And that's why it's important to have awareness and be able to catch the brain in those negative thought patterns and break away from it. And sometimes it's easier said than done, but luckily there are other ways without just awareness, which we can get into tomorrow when we finish up this post. So for now, I'll leave it there. Thank you for being here and listening every day. And we'll finish up this one tomorrow with some tactics

[00:09:27] [SPEAKER_00] where your optimal life awaits.