4165: [Part 2] Do These 5 Things When Social Anxiety Has Your Tongue by Roxana Alexandru on Social Confidence

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_00] Your heart can tell you a lot about your health. Apple Watch Series 12 measures your heart rate every 5 seconds with the most accurate heart rate sensing in a wearable. So your vitals app, now with heart rate variability, can tell you when something is off. And your readiness score can let you know when to rest and when to push. Hear the story in every heartbeat with Apple Watch Series 12. The features described are for wellness purposes only and not for medical use. iPhone 11 or later required. Based on Apple conducted study of heart rate accuracy August 2026. Visit apple.com slash apple watch series 12.

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[00:00:59] [SPEAKER_01] This is Optimal Living Daily. Do these five things when social anxiety has your tongue. Part two by Roxana Alexandru with introvertdeer.com. And I'm Justin Malik. Welcome to OLD where I read articles to you with permission from the authors, but today being a continuation from yesterday. I recommend listening to yesterday's episode first. But if you're all caught up, let's get right to part two and continue optimizing your life.

[00:01:28] [SPEAKER_01] Do these five things when social anxiety has your tongue. Part two by Roxanna Alexandria with introvertdeer.com. Five things to do if you forget how to speak. Number one, slow down. If I don't make a point to speak slowly, I get agitated and jump from one explanation to the next without any correlation between them.

[00:01:52] [SPEAKER_01] Speaking fast derails me and makes me forget what I want to say. But that's not the worst of it. It makes me look incompetent among other things. Here are three reasons why you'll benefit from slowing down when you speak. Your nervousness will take a hike. That thing called adrenaline is best friends with stress, which means that the more stressed you are, especially after a few stumbles, the more your adrenaline spikes.

[00:02:15] [SPEAKER_01] That's correlated with an increased heart rate. If you'd be so kind to complete this sentence, and an increased heart rate means increased blank, that's right, respiration or breathing. Not only will you feel more nervous when you're speaking, but you'll also look like you are. Thus, you'll forever be stuck in a vicious cycle. And the last benefit, you'll be more in control. By speaking slowly, you give yourself extra time to dig into that amazing repertoire of words you likely hold as an introvert.

[00:02:45] [SPEAKER_01] This will not only allow you to fetch the best word for the situation, but you'll also be able to steer the speech in a different direction should you realize that it's not catching on with your audience. Think of it as slowing down time, which gives you the upper hand in analyzing the person in front of you and their reaction to your words. You'll gain credibility and authority. Think about your favorite orators. How fast or slow do they tend to speak?

[00:03:11] [SPEAKER_01] Speaking slowly shows credibility and authority because you're taking up time at the table. It's also a sign of confidence and expertise, both characteristics you want to have. Number two, organize your thoughts. Before you meet with someone, jot down the sequence of your ideas so you have a rough outline in your head of how you'll approach the conversation. This tends to work better when you know who you're meeting, when you're meeting, and the agenda or topic of discussion.

[00:03:40] [SPEAKER_01] Especially for introverts and highly sensitive people whose brains process information deeply, impromptu conversations can be harder to organize, but not impossible. I've written about this before, but I tend to roleplay conversations with people beforehand to arm myself with preset knowledge. If I know how I want to approach someone, say the college student who shadowed me, I'm better equipped with the right words.

[00:04:05] [SPEAKER_01] I wouldn't have floundered so badly if I had a plan, but instead I chose to just speak like it's the Wild West. Number three, take your time. Take your time to make sure you're not missing anything crucial. Don't feel rushed to get to the end. This is related to number one, but more in the sense of allowing yourself to pause between sentences, allowing the silence to work to your advantage. Do not be afraid of silence.

[00:04:31] [SPEAKER_01] If there's one thing you should learn, especially if you have social anxiety, is to love the silence. Don't try to fill the space with useless words or just make it worse because you're going to panic about it. Give yourself enough time to speak slowly and organize your thoughts. See how they're all related but different in their own way? Number four, ask questions. What part of this makes sense? What doesn't make sense? Did I miss a point?

[00:04:58] [SPEAKER_01] Engage the other person to make sure they're following your train of thought. If you did number one, number two, and number three, chances are they understand you just fine. But in case you missed a few steps or you see them squint their eyes strangely, stop and ask questions to make sure what you're saying is clicking. The last thing you need or want is to get the validation that you're not making sense. So don't let it get that far. Intervene occasionally to check in on them. And number five, start over.

[00:05:28] [SPEAKER_01] Lastly, don't be scared to stop, take a breather, and restart. We know it works for computers, so let's assume it works for humans too. Be sure to let the other person know you're restarting. Being funny always resets the mood, so say something like, I know this probably makes no sense to you, I apologize, I've been talking too much to a baby at home these past few days. Let me reset. Being honest and vulnerable are the most powerful weapons to combat social anxiety,

[00:05:57] [SPEAKER_01] especially when words escape you and you feel naked and afraid. Also, there's one crucial point to remember for all of this to work, and that's to let go of any expectations you have of yourself. If you plan to bring out a whole dictionary to impress someone, no matter how much you try to complete these steps, you'll flounder because you're putting too much pressure on yourself. Always remember that the simpler the words, the more impact you make.

[00:06:23] [SPEAKER_01] If you have social anxiety, your main priority will always be to stay away from the vicious cycle of negative thoughts. And the best way to make that happen is not to set too high of expectations. Because the moment you fail to meet them, the inner talk begins, and then everything else unravels right in front of you. I'll leave you with this. As long as you realize what's going on, especially in the moment itself, and you're taking steps to recalibrate, don't be scared to speak baby talk sometimes. We all do.

[00:06:57] [SPEAKER_01] You just listened to part two of the post titled, Do These Five Things When Social Anxiety Has Your Tongue, by Roxana Alexandru with introvertdeer.com. And I'll be right back with my commentary. Now I want to tell you about a book that stuck with me, Life at the Speed of Play, Launch Products People Love, by Mark Pincus. Mark's a legendary Silicon Valley entrepreneur and one of the most prolific idea generators around. But as he'll tell you, ideas are a dime a dozen.

[00:07:26] [SPEAKER_01] What matters is picking the right ones. His instant national bestseller is a fast-paced, 170-page read for these uncertain times, full of real-life skills, and a battle-tested, easy-to-follow framework for separating the great ideas from the terrible ones. Y Combinator's Gary Tan says it'll change your odds of success. And it reads less like a stuffy business book, more like you're in Mark's kitchen, already in his inner circle.

[00:07:54] [SPEAKER_01] Go to getmarksbook.com slash old and buy one copy, and Mark personally, not his publisher, sends you a second one free. Two books, about $16 each, so you can hand one to a friend who's stuck. Once again, that's getmarksbook.com slash old.

[00:08:16] [SPEAKER_00] Your heart can tell you a lot about your health. Apple Watch Series 12 measures your heart rate every five seconds with the most accurate heart rate sensing in a wearable. So your Vitals app, now with heart rate variability, can tell you when something is off. And your readiness score can let you know when to rest and when to push. Hear the story in every heartbeat with Apple Watch Series 12.

[00:08:46] [SPEAKER_01] Thank you again to Roxanna. Good tips here. When we get in our heads and get anxious or tripped up or anything along those lines, it feels really bad in our heads and really in our entire bodies. But in most cases, from the outside perspective, we actually seem totally fine. Yeah, maybe a little tripped up, maybe breathing a little faster. But people are generally very forgiving about this sort of thing because they've been there before.

[00:09:13] [SPEAKER_01] Even in high pressure situations like interviews, we're human. The interviewer is hopefully human. You're human. And that humanness brings a sort of bond, I think. And if the other person is even somewhat compassionate, they want you to do well. And they'll look over the small stumbles and focus on the bigger picture because it's normal to stumble. The enemy is really our own beliefs and judgment about ourselves.

[00:09:40] [SPEAKER_01] Because how often are we remembering the details and nuances of someone else stumbling a little bit? Probably not nearly as much, but we always remember our own. So what I was getting to yesterday was that besides awareness, there are other tactics we can use. And one is EMDR, which is becoming more and more popular because the science is showing that it's working. And that stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. I'm hoping I can find an article talking about that

[00:10:09] [SPEAKER_01] from an author that we have permission from. But if not, or in the meantime, that's something you might want to look into if this is something you struggle with personally. Again, that's called EMDR. And with that, have a great rest of your day and I'll see you tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.