4201: How a 'Wonder Window' Became My Calm After the Storm by Rachel Stafford of Hands Free Mama on Mindfulness

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[00:01:08] [SPEAKER_03] This is Optimal Living Daily, How a Wonder Window Became My Calm After the Storm by Rachel Stafford of HandsFreeMama.com. And I'm Justin Malik. Welcome back to a Sunday bonus episode where I give you a little extra content from a podcast in our network that I think will also help you live a life that's a bit more meaningful and happier. This episode today is coming from Optimal Relationships Daily. So without further ado, here's Greg with a bonus post.

[00:01:36] [SPEAKER_03] As we optimize your life.

[00:01:42] [SPEAKER_00] How a Wonder Window Became My Calm After the Storm by Rachel Stafford of HandsFreeMama.com About the time my older daughter returned home from her year away at college, a mourning dove moved in. Well, actually it was two, a male and a female, but it took me seeing them together in the nest to figure that out.

[00:02:04] [SPEAKER_00] The pair built their nest on top of a pillar underneath my front porch. Through my front window, I could see everything without disturbing them. Intrigued by the nesting habits of these graceful birds, I began researching all there was to know about mourning doves. Where they got their names, which is from their soft, sad-sounding coos. How they make their cooing sound. They puff up their chest and send vibrations to their skin.

[00:02:28] [SPEAKER_00] Where they stockpile seeds for later digestion. Their crop. The purpose of the whistle-like sound of their wings. A warning to anything threatening their safety. The reason mourning doves are so successful at raising many broods of chicks. The strong bond formed by the mating pair. And throughout the month of May, I checked the nest first thing every morning and throughout the day, so I wouldn't miss a moment of this miraculous process.

[00:02:55] [SPEAKER_00] By early June, one squab, a baby mourning dove, appeared. Over a ten-day period, the hatchling grew quickly. By day fourteen, he was ready to fledge. Through the front window, my daughters and I watched Eugene, named by Avery, take his first flight, while his proud parents observed from a perch close by. Witnessing this entire life cycle was miraculous and joyful, which perhaps is why the letdown was so hard.

[00:03:23] [SPEAKER_00] Out of habit, I found myself continually checking the nest. Seeing the empty nest saddened me. I felt a little lost without the bird's centering presence. After a bit of soul-searching, I realized that without the birds as a distraction, I had to acknowledge that this was my first stable summer since 2020. June 2020 marked the beginning of a three-year storm for our family. For some reason, the summer months during that period were the worst,

[00:03:52] [SPEAKER_00] often revealing just how much of the foundation had been uprooted and left in disarray. What would summer 2023 bring? That was the question. Our four-member family had been separated for nine months due to my older daughter attending college for the first time. In many ways, the space had given way for healing, maturity, and perspective. What would happen when we were all under one roof again? I worried.

[00:04:17] [SPEAKER_00] In my extensive research of morning doves, I learned several theories about their symbolism. One popular belief is that a mourning dove is sent to you during a time of crisis. The explanation of this theory felt so comforting that I had written this down in my notebook. Quote,

[00:04:46] [SPEAKER_00] End quote. Although the doves were gone, the fact that they had been there when my older daughter returned from college felt like something to hold on to. On June 15th, while unloading the dishwasher, I heard the unmistakable whistling sound of morning dove wings. Could it be? Could they be back? I wondered as I ran to the window. On the opposite pillar to nest one, the pair of doves were building nest two.

[00:05:15] [SPEAKER_00] One piece of pine straw at a time, the male dove brought building supplies to the female, who used her beak to begin assembling the new nest. I pumped my fist and let out a quiet celebratory cheer. Having the birds home again felt like a good omen, and I vowed to relish every part of this miraculous process. Within a few days, the doves began taking turns sitting on the eggs in nest two. There was something that perplexed me, though. Compared to the intricate construction of nest one,

[00:05:45] [SPEAKER_00] nest two looked like a complete rush job. While one had tall, sturdy sides, the other had barely enough twigs to cushion the ledge. Hey, Natalie and Avery, I called to my kids. What do you think about the difference in their two nests? I asked curiously. After a moment of consideration, they agreed that the real question was, why didn't they just use the old nest? After that not-so-helpful input, my daughters promptly went back to what they were doing.

[00:06:16] [SPEAKER_00] Okay, I thought. So the novelties weren't off for everyone else. But maybe bird-stalking round two isn't for them. Maybe it's for me. Next to the window, I placed a little notebook and a pencil. Tucked inside was an illustration by researcher Dr. Leanne Renninger that I saw on Instagram. It felt like the ideal theme for my annual summer social media break. It said, What if the antidote to exhaustion is not rest? It is the recultivation of wonder.

[00:06:46] [SPEAKER_00] Now, as someone who finds the concept of rest difficult, I was excited about this idea of cultivating wonder to calm my nervous system, perhaps for the first time in a series of hard summers. And I had the perfect place to do it. Each day, I sat at my wonder window, taking notes of what transpired in and around that poorly constructed nest. The comings. The goings. The waiting. The watching. The cleaning. The cooing. The cuddling.

[00:07:16] [SPEAKER_00] Sometimes I would feel so invested in these birds that fear crept in. What if the eggs don't hatch? What if the parent falls prey to a wild animal? What if a baby falls from that flimsy nest? Whoa. This is your wonder window, not your worry window. I'd remind myself and take a deep breath. Sometimes when I was sitting quietly beneath my wonder window, I could hear my daughters interacting in the kitchen. I noticed new ways of connecting,

[00:07:44] [SPEAKER_00] new topics being broached, less animosity, more civility, and a hint of rebuilding what had been lost in the storm. When I sensed an interaction going down a touchy path, I remained still, just like the mama bird. Wonder. Don't worry. Wonder. Don't worry. Wonder. Don't worry. To wonder means to view something you've seen before in a completely different way. When we enter a state of wonder,

[00:08:14] [SPEAKER_00] an opening is created. A possibility arises for us to view the world differently and to come to a different understanding. Over the summer, that's what happened to me. Wondering about this bird family helped me wonder more about my own. To see my children's relationship through new eyes and new ears helped me release the past, accept the messy present, and trust their rebuilding process. The foundation won't look like it originally did, or how I might hope it to,

[00:08:42] [SPEAKER_00] but that doesn't mean it's any less effective at nurturing what grows there. In the end, two baby birds successfully fledged from that makeshift nest, one more than the last brood. The day before the fledglings left their nest, I found Natalie standing at the wonder window. I noticed she was studying the two nests, one on each pillar. They're going to run out of places to nest, she said with concern. I wouldn't worry about that, I said, feeling more at peace than I had in what felt like a million summers.

[00:09:13] [SPEAKER_00] It's a wonder how love can rebuild with some time, patience, and a few straws of hope. You just listened to the post titled How a Wonder Window Became My Calm After the Storm by Rachel Stafford of HandsFreeMama.com

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[00:10:29] [SPEAKER_03] and financing with flexible payment options. Visit dell.com slash deals. That's dell.com slash deals.

[00:10:40] [SPEAKER_00] And thanks a lot to Rachel for this post, a post that I hope can help us all interrogate our worries a bit and see if we might be able to extract wonder from them, parents or not, empty nesters or not. And in lieu of my more extensive commentary, as is typical after narrating, I'll instead just use this time to tell you a bit more about Rachel since it is her first time contributing work for us. So Rachel has one goal, and that is to help people choose love as much as humanly possible.

[00:11:08] [SPEAKER_00] She is the New York Times bestselling author of Hands Free Mama, Hands Free Life, Only Love Today, and Live Love Now. She is also a certified special education teacher and an inspiring public speaker. Millions find solace and direction in her monthly blog posts at handsfreemama.com, which of course we just read from, and in her supportive online community, which is called the Hands Free Revolution. Rachel's work has been featured on CNN, Good Morning America, Today,

[00:11:39] [SPEAKER_00] Global News, Time, and other print and online media sources. Also, she loves taking long walks, baking, helping out at cat shelters, and visiting nursing home residents. Rachel lives in the South with her husband and her two daughters who inspire her daily, which was clearly on display in this article that we just heard. So, thank you to Rachel, and welcome to Rachel. That does it for today though, everybody. Thank you as always for tuning in and choosing your relationships today. I hope you enjoy your Friday

[00:12:08] [SPEAKER_00] if you're listening in real time, and I'll talk to you again tomorrow, where your optimal life awaits.

[00:12:14] Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.