2933: Deciding if You Should Quit Something? This Might Help You by Emma Scheib of Simple Slow Lovely on Weighing Tough Decisions

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[00:01:32] This is Optimal Living Daily Episode 2933

[00:01:36] Deciding If You Should Quit Something?

[00:01:38] This might help you.

[00:01:39] I am a shy of simple, slow, lovely dot com

[00:01:42] and I'm Justin Malik, the guy that reads you articles,

[00:01:45] stories or essays every day including holidays.

[00:01:49] I've been doing that since 2015

[00:01:51] covering personal development or mental health,

[00:01:54] how to live a better life and a lot more.

[00:01:56] It's always with permission from the authors or websites.

[00:01:59] With that, let's get right to it as we optimize your life.

[00:02:07] Deciding If You Should Quit Something?

[00:02:09] This might help you.

[00:02:10] I am a shy of simple, slow, lovely dot com.

[00:02:14] It was a tough decision.

[00:02:16] I never imagined I would quit.

[00:02:18] Long years, longing away at my degrees,

[00:02:21] a rare job opportunity that I couldn't let pass me by.

[00:02:24] It all seemed perfect

[00:02:26] until it wasn't.

[00:02:27] It all seemed perfect until the day I sat in the car outside of work,

[00:02:31] tears running down my face,

[00:02:33] unable to move,

[00:02:35] unable to function,

[00:02:36] completely spent with not an ounce left to offer work

[00:02:39] let alone my precious family.

[00:02:42] So I did something I never imagined I would.

[00:02:44] I did something completely contrary to the way I'd been raised.

[00:02:48] I quit my dream job.

[00:02:50] It wasn't quite as rash as that sounds

[00:02:52] I didn't do it lightly and I weighed the costs of both options.

[00:02:56] Option A, keep the job, keep the stress,

[00:02:59] continue down the road of mental, emotional and physical burnout,

[00:03:04] risk losing everything in order to keep everything.

[00:03:07] Or option B, quit and go from two comfortable incomes to one,

[00:03:13] risk not being able to pay our mortgage.

[00:03:15] Each option presented its own benefits and risks.

[00:03:18] Each option would require more bravery than I felt capable of,

[00:03:22] but I had to make a choice.

[00:03:24] An unwavering commitment to one or the other.

[00:03:28] Ultimately, I know that I chose my well-being and my family

[00:03:33] over money and possessions

[00:03:35] and I haven't regretted it for one moment.

[00:03:39] I lost my job, but I've gained an extra 6300 hours with my youngest daughter

[00:03:44] before she starts school.

[00:03:46] I lost my job,

[00:03:47] but gained my mental health,

[00:03:49] reducing my anxiety medication to a bare minimum over the last nine months.

[00:03:55] I lost my job,

[00:03:56] but gained a sense of peace and contentment I'd rarely felt before.

[00:04:01] I lost my job,

[00:04:02] but found a way to live that wasn't crazy busy all the time.

[00:04:06] I lost my job,

[00:04:07] but found a life worth living that didn't hinge on fancy-sounding titles

[00:04:12] or wealthy bank balances or overflowing calendars.

[00:04:16] I lost my job,

[00:04:18] but found myself.

[00:04:19] What decisions are you facing?

[00:04:22] I'm wondering if you have something that you're deciding whether to walk away from or persevere.

[00:04:27] Do you give it all you have or take a different route?

[00:04:30] The red pill or the blue pill?

[00:04:33] There's no easy answer.

[00:04:35] The decision ahead of you is tough.

[00:04:37] It will require bravery.

[00:04:40] Heck, it may be the bravest decision you ever make in your life.

[00:04:44] But what if you found your life in the process?

[00:04:48] Most of us know what the right decision is.

[00:04:50] If we really tune into ourselves,

[00:04:52] we probably intuitively know the best path.

[00:04:56] It's not the knowing that's hard.

[00:04:58] It's the doing.

[00:04:59] Two mindset shifts to help you make hard decisions.

[00:05:04] Mindset number one,

[00:05:06] ditch rational choice and listen to your instincts.

[00:05:10] Sometimes difficult choices mean we need to research our options.

[00:05:14] We need to lay out all the facts in a logical, rational fashion

[00:05:18] so we can weigh things up.

[00:05:20] We need to tap into the wisdom of family and friends.

[00:05:24] But what if there was another way?

[00:05:25] Because what if you can't hear your true self,

[00:05:28] your unconscious self,

[00:05:30] with all that extra noise?

[00:05:32] Several studies over the past decade have shown that decisions made by the unconscious brain

[00:05:37] outperformed those made by rational choice.

[00:05:41] Essentially, there is evidence that going with your gut instinct

[00:05:44] is likely to result in the best decision.

[00:05:48] By all means do the homework,

[00:05:50] but spend some time in silence tuning into your gut too.

[00:05:54] And mindset number two,

[00:05:56] don't get stuck thinking there's a right or wrong decision.

[00:06:00] Life isn't as black and white as it's made out to be.

[00:06:03] Gray is perfectly normal and acceptable.

[00:06:06] And sometimes option A is no better than option B

[00:06:10] It's just different.

[00:06:12] It's the commitment to one or the other that makes it the right choice for you.

[00:06:18] The concept of no absolutes is hard to grapple my struggle with it daily.

[00:06:23] But think about a simple choice.

[00:06:25] It doesn't matter what brand of milk you choose, right?

[00:06:27] Essentially they'll do the same thing.

[00:06:30] They'll taste the same, look the same and cost similar.

[00:06:34] There's no right or wrong choice for something as trivial as milk.

[00:06:38] Why?

[00:06:39] You're not emotionally invested in one milk brand over the other.

[00:06:43] But what if your decision has huge emotional consequences

[00:06:47] like leaving a job or leaving a partner?

[00:06:50] Professor Ruth Cheng proposes a five step process for tough choice making.

[00:06:56] Number one, figure out what actually matters when it comes to choosing your options.

[00:07:01] Do you care about the taste of the milk

[00:07:03] or that one brand will stay fresh for longer?

[00:07:06] Or do you care about having the most expensive brand?

[00:07:09] If you don't decide this now, it may lead to wavering between options later.

[00:07:14] Number two, make your pros and cons list for each choice.

[00:07:18] We're still being logical and rational here.

[00:07:21] The second step is where most people stop.

[00:07:24] Number three, recognize that these two options will both have good and bad points or consequences.

[00:07:31] When there are emotions and values involved,

[00:07:33] we cannot compare the two options in a scientific manner

[00:07:36] the way we would compare two brands of milk.

[00:07:39] It's not possible.

[00:07:41] Number four, make a commitment to one or the other.

[00:07:45] And this is it baby.

[00:07:47] This is where the rubber hits the road.

[00:07:48] It's the most difficult step.

[00:07:50] But by doing this, by making a choice and a commitment,

[00:07:54] you're choosing your own path, which leads to the fifth step.

[00:07:58] Number five, Cheng explains that this step is the forging of your path.

[00:08:03] It's the making of your identity.

[00:08:05] It's taking responsibility for your commitment and choice and creating yourself.

[00:08:10] I think that Cheng's theory and steps give incredible freedom and power to us.

[00:08:16] They enable us to let go of perfection and embrace the gray that life offers us every day.

[00:08:22] It also means that we get to be the authors of our lives.

[00:08:26] We choose to take responsibility.

[00:08:29] If you have a tough decision ahead of you,

[00:08:31] I'd encourage you to try one of these mindsets as you approach it.

[00:08:39] You just listen to the post titled,

[00:08:41] Deciding If You Should Quit Something?

[00:08:43] This might help you by Emma Scheib of simpleslowlovely.com

[00:08:48] Thank you to Emma for the post.

[00:08:50] I was in a decision analysis class in business school.

[00:08:53] It's probably one of my favorite classes.

[00:08:56] It was about quantifying as best we can the different options of a decision

[00:09:01] so we can arrive at the best possible choice.

[00:09:04] I learned something interesting in that class.

[00:09:06] It's not so much about the quantifying and crunching of numbers

[00:09:11] as it is getting to the root of the problem.

[00:09:14] So as an example, maybe you're trying to pick between two vacation destinations.

[00:09:19] Europe and Asia.

[00:09:21] Well, there's a cost factor, the distance, the language spoken.

[00:09:25] All these things are going into the decision and it can be overwhelming to think about it all.

[00:09:30] We can get stuck in analysis paralysis.

[00:09:33] But when you go through these factors, especially if it's a tough decision,

[00:09:37] usually you find this sort of big overall goal that we're trying to achieve

[00:09:43] which in this case is probably just which trip we're going to enjoy the most.

[00:09:48] Isn't that what it all comes down to?

[00:09:50] And often our gut already knows the answer.

[00:09:54] If you don't believe me, leave it up to chance and just flip a coin.

[00:09:59] While the coin is flipping,

[00:10:01] there's a decent chance you'll be secretly wishing for one option more than the other.

[00:10:06] So I say all of this to remind you and me really to step back and look at the bigger picture.

[00:10:12] Sometimes that's all we need.

[00:10:15] So think about that big picture, make those decisions, have a great day.

[00:10:19] Thank you for listening and being here and I'll see you back here tomorrow as usual

[00:10:23] where your optimal life awaits.