2937: What Relating Looks Like by Julie Morgenstern on Spending Quality Time With Your Children and Family

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[00:00:58] wonderfulpistachios.com. This is Optimal Living Daily Episode 2937 What Relating Looks Like

[00:01:07] by Julie Morgenstern of JulieMorgenstern.com and I'm Justin Malik. Welcome back to the Sunday

[00:01:13] bonus episode where I give you a little extra content from a podcast in our network that

[00:01:18] I think will also help you live a life that's a bit more meaningful and happier. This episode

[00:01:22] is coming from Optimal Relationships Daily, so without further ado here's Greg with another post

[00:01:28] as we optimize your life. What Relating Looks Like by Julie Morgenstern of JulieMorgenstern.com

[00:01:41] Relating to your child is probably the most irreplaceable job you have as a parent.

[00:01:46] You are more than anyone else on earth who your children look to for affirmation

[00:01:50] and recognition of their self-worth. It is through relating that you give your children

[00:01:55] their sense of self, that they are valued and valuable in the world. It's no small task.

[00:02:01] Most of us get the need to spend time with our kids, but relating to kids at every age and stage

[00:02:07] isn't always so easy. It helps to convert relating into tangible, measurable actions that

[00:02:13] allow you to connect with different aspects of your child's developing personality and

[00:02:17] identity. When it comes down to it, relating can be broken down into four categories of

[00:02:22] activities, all of which provide a platform for connecting, bonding and infusing your child

[00:02:28] with the unconditional message that they matter. Number one, talk. If the eyes are the gateway

[00:02:36] to the soul, conversation is the gateway to your child's inner thoughts, insights,

[00:02:40] and experiences. Every child is navigating the world for the first time. We can't assume

[00:02:46] we see what they see, notice what they notice or conclude what they conclude.

[00:02:51] The aim of conversation at every age is to help you see the world through your child's eyes,

[00:02:57] find out what's going on in your child's mind, and demonstrate a genuine interest in

[00:03:02] who they are as individuals. Number two, read. While conversation connects you to your child's

[00:03:10] inner life, reading exposes children to other worlds. The bond that forms between

[00:03:15] parent and child while sharing stories is so powerful and so vital for children's happiness

[00:03:21] and development that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends parents read aloud to their

[00:03:26] children from infancy through young adulthood. According to a survey by Scholastic, 83% of

[00:03:33] kids aged 6 to 17 said they still love reading with their parents and cite it as one of the

[00:03:38] most bonding experiences of their childhood. Number three, play. Play is so important to child

[00:03:46] development that it has been recognized by the United Nations Commission on Human Rights as a right

[00:03:52] of every child. Children learn to interact with the world through play from a very young age.

[00:03:58] Play is a great way for your child to connect with you in their world on their terms.

[00:04:03] Quote, you can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.

[00:04:11] Said Aristotle. Number four, sharing adventures. Almost anything can be an adventure to a child,

[00:04:19] from going on a treasure hunt in the grocery store to riding a bus for the first time.

[00:04:24] The key is to be fully present for the adventure by participating in discovery and

[00:04:29] exploration with your child. Well, let's face it, it can be hard to be fully present with our kids.

[00:04:35] Children operate at a different pace and some of the things they want to spend time on

[00:04:40] can be boring as heck to us. At its core, relating requires being fully present,

[00:04:46] responding and tuning into your child in a way that communicates,

[00:04:50] right now you are the most important thing to me. But when our minds are preoccupied by

[00:04:55] thoughts of work and our own personal needs, it can be difficult to accurately convey this message.

[00:05:01] So what can you do? Stop what you are doing and give your child your full attention.

[00:05:08] Tune into what's going on with your kid at that moment. No multitasking.

[00:05:12] Look at your child while she is talking to you face to face, eye level communication.

[00:05:17] This will help your child feel that you are talking with her, not at her.

[00:05:22] Slow down to the speed of your child. Shift gears when interacting with children to account for their

[00:05:27] different speed of processing. As Karen Spencer, founder of Whole Child International puts it,

[00:05:33] children have magic in them and understanding the different speed of response enables the

[00:05:38] deep connections we crave. The younger the child, the more patience is needed.

[00:05:44] Show interest and curiosity. Really listen, stay open and encourage your child to expand

[00:05:50] on what he's saying. Explore his views, opinions, feelings, expectations and plans.

[00:05:56] Watch your body language and facial expressions. Your child can tell if you're annoyed, impatient or

[00:06:01] disinterested. Enter your child's world. Focus on things that interest them. If it feels like

[00:06:08] torture to play the same boring game, listen to a repetitious story, or do something that

[00:06:13] doesn't interest you, focus on seeing what they see in the activity. Learn to notice

[00:06:18] without judgment what excites them or scares them, what challenges and engages them.

[00:06:24] Limit the teaching. Avoid the impulse to turn every interaction into a life lesson.

[00:06:30] The goal is to enjoy and bond with your child, not give advice or help unless you're asked for it.

[00:06:36] Remember, relating is a way of being. It doesn't matter whether you are cooking, playing,

[00:06:41] relaxing, hiking, or even dealing with a tantrum. What really matters is that you are there.

[00:06:48] Present, emotionally and comfortably connected. It's much less about the amount of time you spend

[00:06:54] interacting with your child and more about the quality of that time. A little focused time

[00:07:00] goes a long way with the kids. You just listened to the post titled,

[00:07:08] What Relating Looks Like by Julie Morgenstern of juliemorgenstern.com.

[00:07:14] Thanks a lot to Julie for reminding us of the truths of relating to and spending time with

[00:07:18] our children, like many relationships that are not only long but also so close that we may take

[00:07:24] them for granted a little bit. It's very easy to go into autopilot with children, at least to some

[00:07:29] degree. Over time, we are inevitably reminded of ourselves and the desire to take more time

[00:07:35] for ourselves, which can potentially lead to disengagement, even resentment. But even if

[00:07:41] it doesn't get this extreme, it's still easy to at least watch a little more TV and spend a

[00:07:46] little less time asking kids about their days. This natural progression is important to be aware of,

[00:07:52] and I think Julie does a great job of reminding parents not only of the value of relating,

[00:07:58] but how easy it is to do. This guide on the types of relating that are important makes it

[00:08:03] much easier for parents to spend time with their children in ways that they can be sure are

[00:08:07] meaningful. And if time is still short for activities, extra busy parents can at least

[00:08:13] intertwine these themes into the conversations they have with their children, you know, asking them

[00:08:18] about their favorite books or asking them about recent adventures and doing so attentively. Simply

[00:08:24] being more aware of relating makes it easy to manifest it in a variety of ways and be ever cognizant

[00:08:30] of it. So even with short in time, that can make for huge parental benefits. That will bring us

[00:08:36] to the end of today's O-R-D everybody. As always, I appreciate you being here,

[00:08:40] I appreciate you supporting the show, and I hope you have some takeaways from this episode as I did.

[00:08:45] It's certainly worth mentioning that even those without children can use these tactics to enhance

[00:08:50] relationships with family and friends. As the inner child in all of us never quite dies

[00:08:56] and is sure to appreciate opportunities to step back into the things that Julie discussed,

[00:09:01] those things that we really enjoyed in childhood. So have a great day everyone,

[00:09:05] go out there, spread some love, and I will see you in the Friday show tomorrow.

[00:09:09] That's where your optimal life awaits.