2941: [Part 1] Simple Living Tips for the Stressed Out or Recovering Perfectionist by Krista O'Reilly-Davi-Digui of A Life in Progress

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[00:01:05] Simple Living Tips for the Stressed Out or Recovering Perfectionist Part 1 by Christa O'Reilly

[00:01:12] Davidege of AliphantProgress.ca and I'm Justin Malick. Today I have a bit of a longer post.

[00:01:18] I'll read the first half today and then finish the rest for you tomorrow. So with that, let's get

[00:01:22] right to part one and start optimizing your life. Simple Living Tips for the Stressed Out or Recovering

[00:01:33] Perfectionist Part 1 by Christa O'Reilly Davidege of AliphantProgress.ca. For years,

[00:01:41] I sought out kindred spirits or wisdom-filled guides for how to live an intentional but

[00:01:47] simple lifestyle in books and later the internet. If they were raising chickens,

[00:01:53] I wondered if I should too. If they were baking homemade bread, then I bought a grinder.

[00:01:59] I'd pour through homeschool books and try to model my plans after theirs, Charlotte Mason,

[00:02:04] Montessori, classical education. Everything appealed and nothing quite fit. I needed to

[00:02:11] quiet the noise and carve out my own path. I deep dove into financial books and natural health,

[00:02:19] into personality types and promises to order my life. I gleaned and tucked away knowledge hungrily,

[00:02:26] greedily, like an addict the night before detox begins. I kept hoping and trusting that

[00:02:32] someone out there had what I needed, the perfect answer to tidy up my life and

[00:02:37] make it all feel simple and easy. I was highly principled, purposeful, and perfectionistic.

[00:02:44] And I was tired. Quote, perfectionism is sometimes a disguise for high-functioning anxiety.

[00:02:52] Nicola Pierce Smith. I jumped through all the hoops, yet always came up short. Forgot to

[00:02:58] have fun as I planned thoughtful activities for my kids and tried my darnedest to live

[00:03:03] up to your standards and mine. I often forgot to enjoy the simple gifts in my beautiful,

[00:03:08] ordinary days. Somewhere along the line, I had adopted the lie that my worth was wrapped up

[00:03:15] in my performance and it was hard for me to breathe. I yearned for a slow and simple

[00:03:21] lifestyle but complicated it by trying to measure up or keep up. I felt anxious and resentful.

[00:03:28] I didn't realize yet that I was already good enough and had absolutely nothing to prove.

[00:03:36] I was looking for freedom but kept picking up another set of chains.

[00:03:41] Simple living tips for the stressed out or recovering perfectionist.

[00:03:46] So although I don't want you to blindly follow me, I will offer some simple living tips

[00:03:51] for the stressed out, worn down or recovering perfectionist like me.

[00:03:57] Number one, choose good enough. Lower your standards and then lower them two feet more.

[00:04:04] I'm serious. Your brain will always scan for what could be better or how you should

[00:04:09] be doing more or better. Done is good enough. You don't have to be the expert on all things,

[00:04:16] agonize over every decision, make everything from scratch or research to the point of never taking

[00:04:22] action. You are allowed to put your feet up and rest more to make room for play and have permission

[00:04:29] to leave the laundry a while so you can tend to yourself like you matter. Simple doesn't always

[00:04:35] mean easy and staying aligned with your goals and values requires a conscious effort.

[00:04:40] When you take on a new project or decide to shift your lifestyle,

[00:04:44] be careful that you don't become so hyper driven or focused on the end game

[00:04:49] that you lose sight of your bigger values or underlying motivation and misplace joy along the

[00:04:56] way. For example, is a minimalist home the goal? Or is space to rest and breathe the goal?

[00:05:03] Is living with health and joy the goal? Or is living a rigid no talks organic lifestyle

[00:05:09] the goal? Make peace with some mess. I see no way around it. If you want to raise creative kids,

[00:05:17] you need to make space for creativity. If you want to have meaningful conversations,

[00:05:21] you will be challenged. You can spend your whole life running a spotless and well oiled home or

[00:05:27] striving for a perfectly balanced and order life and forget to make space for creativity

[00:05:33] or the work that truly lights you up. The way to simplicity can be messy.

[00:05:40] Number two, calm the noise. When you're stressed out, worn down or perfectionist trying to break

[00:05:47] free, chances are you spend a fair bit of time comparing. You might wonder why it is that

[00:05:53] everyone else seems to move through life with ease or keep it all together, but you never

[00:05:58] see the full story. What everyone else is up to isn't actually your business anyway.

[00:06:04] Your work is to do the messy inner work to identify your own compelling reason for letting go of stuff

[00:06:12] or hustle and then put blinders on and live in alignment with your why. Create before you

[00:06:18] consume. Gleaning from others can be fun, but what's even more delightful is tuning out

[00:06:23] the noise that constantly calls you to keep up or measure up. Social media, books, DIY shows,

[00:06:31] friendships that leave you feeling less than, cull, cut and unsubscribe until you can breathe again.

[00:06:37] And get honest about all the ways you're allowing procrastination, perfectionist dirty

[00:06:42] little secret, to hold you back from doing the work or going after the life you want.

[00:06:48] Anytime you hear yourself saying you should do something,

[00:06:52] dig in to determine if you need to reframe like I choose to versus I should or challenge that

[00:06:59] story and move on. Number three, practice self-compassion. You're likely your own worst critic.

[00:07:07] Learning to stop your negative self-talk and replace it with a kinder truth

[00:07:11] is imperative to living a simple and joyful lifestyle. Be your own best friend by getting

[00:07:16] clear on what you need for optimal well-being and stop feeling the need to explain or justify

[00:07:22] your decisions to others. You have a right to choose your own slow and simple path,

[00:07:27] whether others agree or approve. Be wary of becoming critical, rigid or controlling with

[00:07:34] others as you aim to simplify. You may be quite sure your way is right but make space for

[00:07:40] dialogue and listening to each other's dreams as you move forward. Living with

[00:07:44] yourself compassion often means spilling more compassion over onto others who are also bumbling

[00:07:50] their way along imperfectly. Make it a goal to work on accepting criticism without anger.

[00:07:56] When someone disagrees with or even dislikes you, it does not inform your identity or worthiness.

[00:08:03] Learn to laugh at yourself. We're all a little messed up in my opinion and learning

[00:08:07] to cut ourselves some slack is important. Deepening self-awareness and self-compassion

[00:08:12] will allow you to infuse your relationships and life with more humor. Own who you are,

[00:08:18] remember that you're a work in progress and enjoy a good belly laugh. I'll share a secret with you.

[00:08:25] I procrastinated on publishing this post because I worried it wasn't quite good enough,

[00:08:30] insert I roll and chuckle. One of the best simple living tips I can offer is to own

[00:08:35] the truth of how you show up in the world and have a good laugh about it. Humor always helps.

[00:08:43] Number four is your that on tomorrow's episode. You just listened to part one of the post titled

[00:08:52] Simple Living Tips for the Stressed Out or Recovering Perfectionist by Krista O'Reilly

[00:08:58] Davideghi of AliveInProgress.ca. Thank you to Krista. I liked that point about losing sight

[00:09:06] of our biggest values or underlying motivation when we decide to take on a new project

[00:09:12] or shift our lifestyle a bit. This definitely has happened to me, where I know I simply want

[00:09:18] to be healthier so I adopt a new exercise routine but then it becomes an obsession with that routine

[00:09:26] and all about making it perfect. I might try to find the right workout program or try to have

[00:09:32] the perfect schedule which then makes me lose sight of the whole purpose which is just to

[00:09:38] simply probably move more for better health which is really a simple thing and that doesn't need all

[00:09:44] this thought and preparation. I don't even think this only applies to perfectionists. I'm sure

[00:09:49] all of us have been caught in this cycle at some point or another so a little more acceptance

[00:09:55] or choosing good enough like she said will likely go a long way here but we're just halfway

[00:10:01] through the post for now. We'll start with number four tomorrow so for now thank you

[00:10:06] for being here and listening every day and I'll see you tomorrow where we'll finish up this post

[00:10:11] and where your optimal life awaits.