2964: [Part 2] The Want To vs Have To Ratio by Helene Massicotte of Free to Pursue on Taking Ownership of Your Life

[00:00:00] This is Optimal Living Daily, Episode 2964, The Want To vs Have To Ratio, Part 2 by Helene Massicotte of Free2Pursue.com

[00:00:10] And I'm Justin Malik.

[00:00:12] Welcome back or welcome for the first time if you're new here.

[00:00:15] This is where I read to you like a big ongoing audiobook from many different authors.

[00:00:20] But today being a continuation from yesterday so I'd recommend listening to yesterday's episode first.

[00:00:25] But if you're all caught up let's get right to part 2 and continue optimizing your life.

[00:00:33] The Want To vs Have To Ratio Part 2 by Helene Massicotte of Free2Pursue.com

[00:00:41] Number 4

[00:00:42] Think getting things done earns them a good reputation and ultimately success in status.

[00:00:49] She's a machine, needs something done, she'll get it done and it'll be perfect.

[00:00:55] She'll do what's needed to make it happen.

[00:00:58] Burn the midnight oil, cancel plans with family and friends, cut back on sleep, eat on the run or not at all,

[00:01:05] pay to outsource any activity that's not work related because that keeps her focused on what matters,

[00:01:11] and postpone vacation indefinitely.

[00:01:14] The payoff?

[00:01:16] Getting praised, getting ahead, feeling like the sh**.

[00:01:20] The downside? Loss of friends, strained personal relationships, deteriorating health,

[00:01:26] overwork and burnout, and loss of self because herself is defined by her job and nothing else.

[00:01:33] That's the category I used to fit into.

[00:01:36] I could do it all, most dependable, resourceful, accomplished,

[00:01:41] and broken in all aspects of life that didn't involve getting the next raise or promotion.

[00:01:46] My breakneck pace gave me tunnel vision.

[00:01:49] I took every other aspect of my life for granted until it started to implode and I had to start paying attention.

[00:01:56] Though I was able to repair some of the damage in some areas, I was left to pick up the pieces in others.

[00:02:02] The MBA indoctrination was successful in creating a super widget

[00:02:07] and it only took a few years of business school to get me there.

[00:02:10] Now years later, I'm still relearning what matters.

[00:02:14] Like a junkie, I'm likely to use again which could lead me to re-offend.

[00:02:19] My drug? Status and my growing dependence on it.

[00:02:24] And number five, believe a busy life is a happy life.

[00:02:29] Busyness is a kind of salve and that fact is even more evident today.

[00:02:34] Being busy in the everyday, rushing here, rushing there, updating this or that,

[00:02:41] emails, social media, keeping up with the latest news,

[00:02:45] all of these low value activities keep us from stepping back and looking at the bigger picture.

[00:02:50] This individual says yes because he doesn't value his time since all of it is spent in feudal busyness

[00:02:57] or low value entertainment meant to keep up with our entertainment culture.

[00:03:03] If he doesn't value his time, why should anyone else?

[00:03:06] And he likes it that way because it ensures he never has to stop and think about his life.

[00:03:11] That would require him to get real and make some changes to lead a richer, deeper, more fulfilling one

[00:03:18] lest he remain perpetually dissatisfied.

[00:03:22] Socially acceptable, personally destructive.

[00:03:26] Each one of the types listed are socially acceptable, even highly rewarded.

[00:03:31] These people make it easy for others to get what they want because they reduce barriers, friction, conflict.

[00:03:38] But as facilitators, they pay a high price.

[00:03:42] Personal fulfillment. Happiness over the long term.

[00:03:46] What's the solution?

[00:03:48] Personal happiness is the ultimate currency and accumulating it over time means following a recipe of sorts

[00:03:55] that makes it easier to say no to what doesn't align with who we are or who we want to become.

[00:04:02] What motivates us?

[00:04:04] Number one, purpose.

[00:04:06] Create meaning in your life that allows you to feel productive and joyful in the moment and over the longer term.

[00:04:15] When in doubt about what you want or what you care about, follow your gut.

[00:04:20] Number two, expression of self.

[00:04:23] Maintain the level of autonomy needed to lead an authentic life.

[00:04:27] Stay out of debt, don't define yourself by your work or by what others ask of you, and don't chase the latest status symbols.

[00:04:35] Number three, life audit.

[00:04:38] Regularly compare what you say you value to how you spend your time.

[00:04:43] Adjust as needed to stay in balance or get real about what you really value.

[00:04:48] Number four, sources of motivation.

[00:04:52] The more your motivation is fueled by internal drivers as opposed to external carrots and sticks, the happier you'll be.

[00:05:00] That means increasing the ratio of want-tos to have-tos because have-tos are based on external pressures

[00:05:07] and meaning these obligations seldom leads to long term satisfaction.

[00:05:12] And number five, good enough.

[00:05:15] Maximize life overall by avoiding the drive to chase perfection in all aspects of life.

[00:05:21] Perfection in one area costs you dearly because it requires you to ignore or under develop other areas of life that make it worth living.

[00:05:30] Achieving good enough across all areas of life increases your potential for living the good life.

[00:05:37] What's your want-to versus have-to ratio?

[00:05:40] Are you able to say no in order to say yes?

[00:05:44] You just listened to part two of the post titled, the want-to versus have-to ratio by Alan Massicott of free-to-pursue.com

[00:05:56] Thank you again to Alan.

[00:05:58] Like her, I think the category I used to fall into most before was thinking that I'd have more success, status and recognition if I did more and always said yes.

[00:06:10] But that definitely didn't turn out to be the case.

[00:06:13] And I think the last one about feeling like a busy life is either a happy life or basically the only option

[00:06:19] is one that both of us probably fall into at times, if not most or all the time.

[00:06:25] That one is pretty much ingrained in us since birth so it's a difficult one to climb out of.

[00:06:30] Like she said, it's what's socially acceptable so to do anything different and go against the stream requires a lot of effort.

[00:06:39] A life audit could be a great way to start and journaling can help with that.

[00:06:43] But if that's not your cup of tea then maybe you look at ways to express yourself as she suggested

[00:06:49] or think about your own strengths and what kind of purpose you'd like to have.

[00:06:53] A lot of great suggestions here so thank you to Alan for this one.

[00:06:57] Thank you for being on the journey with me and for subscribing or following and sharing the show with others that helps a ton

[00:07:04] and hopefully spreads the positivity.

[00:07:06] Have a great rest of your day and I'll see you tomorrow where your optimal life awaits.